References within the Assessment

[Lorrymae]

Hi All,

I'm new to this and just wondered if anyone can give me advice. My husband and myself are currently half way through having an friends and family assessment to take on my baby neice who is currently in foster care. To cut a long story short the court ruled that she couldn't be in the care of either her mother or my brother (her dad). We put in for a Special Guardianship order to the court, the court joined me as a party to the case and ordered that SS did a friends and family assessment on us. SS have been as awkward and unhelpful as they can be, as they do not want anyone within the family to keep her. They orginally told us that we needed to provide 6 references, which we did. Now they are saying they need to contact members of both mine and my husband close family as well as the 6 references, is this standard? They have also asked us how we teach a child to understand feelings, everything we say is wrong, what would your ideas be that we could use for this question?

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Lorrymae

[Lorrymae]

Thanks for your reply. She is going to be one soon. This is what we have said, we don't think we can teach her how to feel, but we can understand what she is feeling and make her know it's ok to feel what she is feeling. Nothing we say is ever right. We have taken notes of every meeting, as the social worker has admitted she can't keep up, forgets what we say or changes it to meet what she wants it to say. We have been asking for everything in writting, but they are still not following what they have said they will do, even though we have it in wrtting from them. They wanted to just put her straight up for adoption, they didn't even start within the family, it's only that we have kicked up such a fuss and insisted they look at family members first!

[Kate]

They are supposed to look at family members first, before moving to adoption. It sounds as if you're doing everything right, and keeping a record of everything which is essential as you've already learned. Keep bringing any concerns here, there are lots who have been through similar experiences so you are among friends

[David Roth]

Hi Lorrymae

It would be normal during an assessment for the assessing social worker to speak to people who would be part of your immediate support network, whether this was going to be your close family or your best friend. They might also want tocheck that other family members will be behind you taking the child, and won't undermine you and support the parents. Not that it would necessarily be a reason for you not to become special guardians if they weren't supporting you, it would just become something else to be covered in the assessment.

With regard to helping her to understand her feelings, if you feel that you are not being heard or understood properly then it could be worth putting your thoughts down in writing, and asking for them to be included in the social worker's report. Social workers so often set 'homework' tasks during assessment and ask carers to write things down, and at least this way you can't be misquoted.

The social worker may be thinking about the emotional impact that the girl's early experiences with her parents and then of being separated from them and from foster carers is going to have on her. Even if children are very young when these things happen, it can have a lasting impact upon them. The British Association for Adoption & Fostering (BAAF) has published some books about this - even although they are mainly aimed at adopters, some of the issues will be the same for family and friends carers. There are some interesting books on this webpage: http://www.baaf.org.uk/bookshop/carers

[Kate]

I think David's suggestion of putting things in writing is excellent. It gives you the chance to show who you really are and not to be totally reliant on one social worker's perception of you. We had to do this when we applied to adopt over thirty years ago, and although it was quite a chore at the time it enabled us to really express ourselves, our own histories, our attitudes to children and child-rearing, our philosophy of life and values etc (there were several sections to cover)

[Kate]

That will need understanding , distraction techniques and not punishment. Or am I talking how we should treat social workers??

Irene you are bad!

[Lorrymae]

Thank you all for all your advice. It's been really helpful.
We are putting everything in writting, keeping notes of things as we go along and have some great references from people. So fingers crossed, we willl just have to wait and see what happens. Thanks again.

[David Roth]

Lorrymae, it would be good practice for the local authority to show you the report before presenting it to court, and invite you to correct any errors of fact they have made, and add your own opinion where it differs from theirs. However, this is not a requirement, and as you have found them to be 'awkward and unhelpful' so far they may choose not to do this. It is worth at least asking whether they are going to show you the report before it is finalised, though.

Even if they don't show you the report before presenting it to court, though, you will still be able to see it once it goes before the court, as it will become part of the bundle of evidence documents which you get as a party to the proceedings. You will then have the chance to submit your own comments on the contents of the report, and correct any misperceptions that you feel they have of you.

One part of the report that you must pay attention to is the section on support. This is part of the schedule (or list) of things that the report has to cover, but some of the carers who use this forum have reported that their local authority left this section blank. If this happens to you, then you should draw it to the attention of the judge, as some judges will take the view that a report that does not cover support is incomplete, and they will insist that the local authority do an assessment of your support needs. The best time to negotiate about what support you need (including finance) is before the order is made, as it is very rare for additinoal support to be offered after the order has been made.