Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

I’ve recently had a baby with my on off partner of ten years. We had social services involved from my pregnancy as he had a history of violence and they seemed to think I was in a controlling relationship - although at the time they had no back up to support this. Meetings had been going well and we had both been cooperating with the social workers. We’ve now had our baby and social services we’re talking about closing the case (baby is now nearly three weeks old). At the weekend we had a series of events and my partner ended up taking the baby and the police were called to get her back and return her to me. I have told social services that this is not normal behaviour and I don’t accept it to be. I want my partner to receive the help he needs. They’ve told me that if I resume the relationship I’m risking having the baby taken away. Is it that easy? He doesn’t hit me, and we were so close to being taken off the register. I just don’t see how they wouldn’t want to work with us to keep us together as a family and work on his issues rather than tear us apart without giving the chance to work on things. Like I have already stated, my partner needs help. He isn’t a bad person but he does have issues that he has never had any help with. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been in a similar situation? This man is the love of my life and the majority of the time our relationship is amazing. I don’t feel ready to leave him and give up but if it’s my only option in keeping my daughter then I will.

Dear Shan95

Thank you for your post, I am sorry for the delay in responding. From what you write you were almost at the end of your involvement when a domestic incident occurred and the police were involved; this has now led to Children’s Services saying that their concerns have now escalated.

It is normal for social workers to advise or suggest that parents should separate to keep a child safe and from what you describe about your partner he has some issues that are worrying, both to you and the professionals. Social workers will be concerned if you say that you cannot or do not understand the ‘risk’ your partner’s issues pose to your daughter and that you must live as a family. It is likely that social workers will expect your partner to address his issues outside of the family setting and when they are resolved and there is evidence to show this, the process of reunification may begin. Respect is an organisation that may help your partner and you may be interested to read what Women’s Aid have to offer.

We have a section on our website that may help you to understand your position better, it is here and if you wish do call us on our telephone advice service on 0808 801 0366, our service is open Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays) from 9.30am to 3.00pm.

We also have a Parents Discussion Board which you may prefer to register on – there, you may share your situation with others who may have similar experiences.

Best wishes

Suzie