Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Last Thursday, my nephew falsely claimed at school that I had hit him and said he didn't want to come home. Currently, I am living with him and my family while his parents adjust their work schedules before they can take him. When I went to pick him up from school, the staff informed me they couldn't release him to me and that they were waiting for a decision from social services. After approximately three hours, social services allowed him to come home with me. However, on Saturday, a police officer visited our home and insisted on taking him away, contacting his parents to come collect him despite their residence in England while we live in Wales. They also attempted to remove my other child, who is under two years old, but the officer determined that he was not in any danger. Ultimately, both social services and the police agreed that my nephew could stay, but I’m not allowed to be alone with him. My nephew is very attached to his parents and has frequently expressed that he prefers being with them. In the past, he has made untrue statements about his teacher, claiming she wouldn't let him eat his lunch after we asked why he came back home with his lunch, and later told guests that we weren't providing him food for school. I confronted his teacher about these accusations, and she denied them and also confirmed that we were always providing food in his school bag, so we chose to overlook these incidents as we recognized he was not telling the truth. Recently, my nephew has been doing poo in his pants, showing little concern for going to the toilet, which has caused us to be late for school as he would poo in the pants just before going to school. On the day he made the claim about me, he had soiled himself at school, which I believe contributed to his reluctance to come home. We've tried to be firm with him, but we’ve never been physically abusive, stressing the importance of proper bathroom habits since he is potty trained. We are currently waiting for social services to conduct an investigation but so far they have said that the statements are very inconsistent, while the police are contemplating a criminal inquiry for assault, despite the fact that the child had no bruises or physical injuries. The child has a tendency of saying untrue things in thr hope that he would go to be with mom and dad. There are incidents he played up and the parents came to take him for a weekend. When I discussed this with the teacher she was reluctant about us moving the child to the parents for visits as it was affecting his mood whenever he returned back. His mood would then improve few days later. Parents have informed children services that it is best they take him as a matter of urgency as he is a child who wants to live with him. What steps should I take next?



This child recently relocated from overseas where he didn't have boundaries and we have worked on his behaviour and have been liasing with his teacher.

Hello @DE22F5. Welcome to the forum albeit under such difficult circumstances for you.

My wife and were also hit with false allegations just before one Christmas and it's something sadly you will never forget. I suspect no-one is going to be able to assist you this side of the Christmas and New Year break.

That said, I am sure you will recognise that when such allegations are made, they MUST to be taken very seriously. Several children have sadly been killed by adults that have been caring for them, and in almost each case, Children's Services (CS), and in some case, the police have been aware. (Most recently believe in my home town of Ipswich where the killer of two-year-old Isabella Jonas-Wheildon was jailed for life last week.) I have over the years been in the odd position of both having complaints made about me, but also having to make referrals when we have had genuine concerns for a child.

The problem from the carers perspective is twofold:
1. Although children are known to tell lies, the assumption has to be that it may be true. You are in effect almost treated as guilty until there is little possibility that it is untrue. One it is one so young, and with little or no forensic evidence, the only way decisions can be made is by reviewing the character and know behaviour of the accused. The fact that there have already been occasions when he had been shown to be untruthful, should assist, but is not a 100% guarantee that a child has not been assaulted.
2. Police and CS are damned if they do something, and damned if they don't! How many times do you hear complaints that action should have been taken on one hand, and complaints that they have been too harsh in removing children on the other? Public opinion and media sources will be critical whatever. Therefore, doing something is better than doing nothing.

All I can really suggest is engaging fully, and openly with the authorities. Remember in these cases, protecting the child comes above all other considerations.

You do not say why your nephew is not with his parents, nor how long he has been separated from them. The Children's Act covers both England and Wales as though they were one nation. Scottish law in this area is different but I suspect the result would have been the same wherever the in these Isles the event took place.

All the behaviours you describe are very common for a child with a disrupted early life. That includes the obvious changes before and more frequently contact with a parent. They cannot possibly describe how they are feeling, let alone rationalise it. Children's Services will of course be aware of that.

Eventually, the truth will come out, but it's unlikely to be a quick decision. Ultimately, only the parents can take charge of the situation, but even they are likely to be looked at, as very often children make a truthful allegation but blame those closest to them, rather than the actual offender so it's possible another child hit them or even another adult.

I regret I cannot give you greater reassurance. The head of Children's Services I spoke to on the occasion when we were falsely accused told me not to worry, to 'go home and enjoy Christmas as normal'! Yeh. Right! I hope that you are though able to find some enjoyment over the holiday and wish you all the best in your fight to clear your name. It's a horrid position to be in.

Best wishes ... Robin

Dear DE22F5,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Kinship Carer’s Forum. My name is Suzie. I am an online adviser, and I will be responding to your post today.

I see that you have already had an empathic response from another user.

I would agree that you best course is to work with children’s services and police and to be open and cooperative. I appreciate it is a very difficult and confusing time for you. You are caring for young children, one of whom is distressed at living apart from his parents and this episode is a further challenge at a time of year when many services and support agencies are set to close over the holiday period.

Family Rights Group offer advice to parents and kinship carers resident in England, and you mention that you and your nephew live in Wales. The child protection enquiries and the police investigation are being conducted under Welsh laws and procedures. Some of the relevant legislation covers both countries, but there are also important differences to be aware of.

In both England and Wales if a child appears to be suffering or at risk of suffering significant harm the local authority has a duty to investigate under Section 47 of the Children Act 1989. However, in Wales the Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014 applies and determines how agencies should make decisions about the support that could be offered to a child and family there.

You can read more about the child protection system in Wales in these guidelines from NSPCC Wales here. The NSPCC Wales advice has a page on definitions and you can read about what is meant about significant harm here. This guide also covers the different legislation for both countries.

Family Rights Group have compiled a list of advice and support agencies in Wales here and I hope that you will find support from one of these organisations.

Best wishes,
Suzie

However, in Wales the Social Services and Well-being (Wales) Act 2014 applies and determines how agencies should make decisions about the support that could be offered to a child and family there.

I've obviously been away from the coal face too long. I was not aware of that legislation. Sorry if I have misled anyone.