Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Last year my sister was remanded in jail and my brother (whom I am estranged with) became foster carer to her children, he would not allow me any contact with them. A couple of months ago my sister was given bail and allowed regular supervised visits with her children and my brother supervising.
My sister has no problem with me and my children reconnecting with her children but my brother will not allow it.
I've tried contacting the SW but am given the runaround, no one calls back/replies to messages.
My brother will not respond to me and has flatly refused when my sister mentioned it, he even reported her to the SW for talking inappropriate to the children when she asked if they would like to see there cousins again.
All of the children would benefit from contact and being able to have a relationship.
I am of good character, never been involved with social services or the court system.
Q: How can I make it possible for us to reconnect with the children‽
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

Dear Doodles543,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the kinship carers’ forum. I am Suzie, an online adviser replying to you today.

I am sorry to hear that you have no contact with your sister’s children at present.

You explain that your sister’s children are living with your brother and that he is currently their kinship foster carer. Your sister is having regular supervised contact with the children and is in favour of you reconnecting with her children but due to your estrangement from him your brother is not allowing this.

As a kinship foster carer your brother does not have parental responsibility for the children. They are currently ‘looked after’ which means that local authority share parental responsibility with the children’s parents.

Family Rights Group have information for kinship carers and parents about parental responsibility and how it affects decision-making here.

You can read more about the role of a kinship foster carer here.

As a kinship foster carer brother is supported by the local authority to care for the children on their behalf. Decisions about who the children should have contact with, and what is in their best interests remain the preserve of the children's parents but responsibility is currently shared with children’s services.

Your sister can speak to the children’s social worker to express her wish for the children to keep their connections within the extended family. She or the children’s father could also consider taking up the issue at or prior to the next looked after child review. You can read more about looked after child reviews here .

You write that you have not had a satisfactory response from the children's social worker when you have requested contact. As the person with parental responsibility your sister could also speak with the social worker directly about this, as well as the independent reviewing officer who is responsible for chairing the looked after child reviews and overseeing the children's care plans. You can read more about the role of the independent reviewing officer here.

The parents could consider making a formal complaint if they do not feel that they are being listened to about this issue. You can read more about the complaints process here.

Obviously, there are practical matters about the contact to be negotiated and sensitive discussions are needed. It would not be in the children’s best interests to be exposed to any conflict or hostility between you and your estranged brother. Are there any other family members who could assist with the contact arrangements?

Family Group Conference may be a good way to discuss this.

These meetings help the family and friends network around children to come together informally, with the help of an independent chair, to discuss any issues and what help and support can be offered. You can read more about family group conference here. Your sister or the children’s father could ask the social worker to make a referral for this.

While your request for contact is being negotiated in these various ways, please bear in mind that you could write cards for the children for occasions (or even without an occasion) to give to them later on.

It is always helpful for children to know that they have been consistently thought about and kept in mind.

I hope this information was useful.

Please feel free to come back to us for further advice. You could post again here or use our free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie

Thank you so very much for this helpful reply, we will try exploring the options you have mentioned. It gives me a much better understanding of how to negotiate through this difficult situation x