how do the ss expect you to trust them

[endofmytether]

we are under the ss. And we are doing everything they ask of us we have turned the situation we was in tremendously with going from bad reports to tremendous reports which we have the same reports at every meeting which puts a smile on our faces as parents then u look at the ss and feel like they not following their side of the bargain with them saying we will do this do that but has never surfaced how are you suppose to build a relationship with them if nothing surfaces like they said it feels like they are out to make you look worse than you really are

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi endofmytether

Sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time.

You say that you are being made to look bad at meetings you have attended.

What is the nature of Children's Services involvement - are your children subect to a child in need or child protection plan?

Please post back with more information, then I will try to advise you after that.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[endofmytether]

They on cpp now we work and do everything right and what is asked of us they even turn up early than expected to try and catch us out but they cant since October we have had 5 visits (expected and unexpected) so to our thoughts we cant be in that bad of a position

[frustrated mum]

I have been accused by ss for not co-operating with them due to not being in when they have made their unannounced visits. I have to work for a living! They sent me a letter to arrange a meeting ,I explained that I wouldn't be in on that day , doctors appointment. They turned up anyway and this was used against me. At no point did they try to rearrange the appointment even at my request. Don't know what planet this people are from?! but I thought they are meant to work with you to at least meet you half way. god I was naïve. I now have anexity problems and need medication but i'm too scared to go to my doctors incase its also used against me.
Good Luck xx

[blueplain]

With my 4 years of involvement I have had allot of frustrating things happen. Like once I was coming home with the kids and we get in and go into the kitchen while we undress them, put their school clothes in the washing machine and dress them in some normal clothes. Anyway we come out of the kitchen from doing that and their was a note on the floor saying

"I saw you walk into the house I was just behind you, you cant just close the door and ignore us on purpose, I saw you go in and turn the lights off"

First of all we did not turn the lights off and we have a dog that barks very loudly when someone knocks on, she stated she did not hear the dog bark.

As far as actually doing things constructive, the "help" they tend to offer is mostly referring other services to help you rather then help you themselves, they appear to be just their to collect evidence. I actually asked my social worker once, what have you actually done to help us? Guess what, we was met with silence.

The most frustrating thing is after they drop their bomb shells and shoved you in a meeting full of people hearing your personal private matters, not one single ounce of counseling is offered and I mean counseling that you have to have because stuff like this is bound to give you some emotional issues. If we sought counselling ourselves we would be accused of not coping. I have so much resentment for this body of government which needs counselling in it's own right lol.

[frustrated mum]

Think I will have a problem with the social worker as she speaks to me as if I'm 12 and a half witt. The other social worker who was at the cp meeting was totally different not that I trust her either but spoke to me on the same level and treated me like a human. Will be interesting to see what 'help' they offer.
I will add to this even though I have a partner of 18yrs , the father of my children he wont co-operate with ss and I'm worried that they will use this against me . The 'nicer' social worker said this wont matter as long as one parent is willing to work with them.

[frustrated mum]

Had a core meeting today, the first one since the cp meeting. It was a joke as no one could understand why the social worker hadn't seen me since the cp on the 17th. To top it off the social worker had the wrong time and was 1/2 hour late. There was great discussion between the professionals on whom should do what and when. Got my minutes from the cp meeting, interesting reading. Then everybody left except me and the social worker. She was straight with me told me that she says it as she sees it. Her thoughts were that a domestic violence incident 13 years ago was the cause of all my problems, that I run the household by myself even though I have a partner whom prefers to take a back seat in everything , he wont even come to the meeting with me. She is referring us to a family support worker and myself to Barnardos to help with 'locked in feelings' due to an incident so long ago. I've agreed to both of these referrals. I found out information from the cp meeting which no one had told me that both my daughters had been at risk of exploitation which I had never been told about, but everyone else seemed to know. Why as a parent am I last to know? How can I protect my daughters if no one tells me anything and it comes out while sat round a table of strangers. I have managed to sort my youngest daughter education as shes on a hard to place programme and now the social worker understands my concerns , I think. My elder daughter is about to be expelled from school due to her behaviour which I don't think is going to help the situation or my sanity one bit. I also found out that one of the core assessment team has been in touch with my GP. I feel like I'm going under how can I go to him now to get put back on my anti depressants? I know everyone who has posted on this site feels like they have hit rock bottom at some point , you guys are the only people I can 'talk to'

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear frustrated mum,

I am sorry to hear that about your current experiences with the child protection process-in particular, that a lot of the information in the report from the social worker is incorrect and that you are only given crucial and upsetting information about your daughters for the first time in front of a lot of strangers.
I am glad that the social worker is helping you with the process of correcting the records.

Ordinarily, if you were going to receive new or upsetting information about your children, say from a police report, this information would be shared with you in private beforehand because receiving this information is so upsetting. Before the next core group or conference you should speak to the social worker specifically about this.

I understand that your GP was approached to give information about your health. Usually, children services would ask for your consent first of all. (Although guidance does say they can share information without your consent). You could ask the social worker why she did not seek your consent for this. You should also have the same conversation with your GP. Our advice sheet about child protection touches on information sharing on page 9 and also has links to information sharing guidance.

I am worried that you now feel unable to approach your GP about treatment for a health need-the fact that you feel like you might benefit from anti depressants but feel unable to approach him for them. If you did not seek the support that you may need, your health may deteriorate. Have a discussion with your GP about your concerns. It may be that this new information may not need to be shared-or only shared directly with the social worker and not other professionals in the core group. If it was shared, the fact that you are seeking treatment for a health condition should be viewed positively.

The social worker has highlighted that she is worried about issues of domestic violence. To discuss this confidentially, you could contact Womens Aid.

I am afraid I have only been able to touch on some of your points that you have raised but I can see that other posters are being very supportive.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[frustrated mum]

I've got ss coming round tomorrow they have told me that if my partner wont co operate then they will get a court order but when pushed wont give me any more details. I keep hitting a brick wall with them I ask a question and get half an answer. Nobody has told me what they want me to do, or when to do it by. I am trying to figure out what to do next blind, they are stressing me out so much I cant sleep and ive lost my appetite. I know you said go back to my GP but im to scared so Im going round in circles. ive lost all trust in everyone I cant even trust the person I love to back me up.

[frustrated mum]

Had my meeting with ss today on a home visit. we spoke in great length and I corrected some details with them photo proof etc. I asked them about the exploitation that had been brought up at the cp meeting. They themselves only learnt about it 2 days before the meeting. They agreed that I should of known about it earlier and they are investigating reports with out of district sw and the special needs school where the incident happened. They spoke to my children and said my son doesn't need a sw and they will make that recommendation at the next meeting in Janury. As I have arranged all the help that he needs and he knows what he's doing. They said he was a credit to me and he had more common sense than some adults. They are coming round again in 2 weeks on another arranged visit. It all sounded good but think I will wait to see how it reads on paper.
Really annoyed myself too as last night I rote out questions I wanted answering properly and forgot to ask them. always next time.