Moving forward

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Hoping Mamu,

Suzie here. Thank you for your series of posts. I will respond to each of them in this reply.

I am sorry to hear that your daughter was so upset and experiencing panic. Your sensitive, collaborative and practical response to her distress was admirable. You have again demonstrated that children’s services can trust you to work with them and to prioritise your daughter’s wellbeing.
The new social worker is speaking positively about the possibility of reunification but has also said that for now she wishes to focus on the short term, and assess whether the placement with grandmother will improve or deteriorate.

Everyone involved is aware of how important it is for a child’s mental health and emotional development to be confident that they have a permanent home and to avoid any changed arrangements that could break down. A decision must focus on both your daughter’s best interests and whether you have made significant change.

The social worker has identified areas of possible concern and shared these with you. She asked if your daughter returns to your care, would she stifle any talk about a relapse in your mental health due to loyalty? In response, you have pointed out that your daughter is now older and vocal. Also, you note that have been well for a lengthy period, and the growth of your self-awareness and increased emotional regulation mean that you would note any signs of potential relapse before they affected your daughter. This latter is very powerful and shows how much significant change has been made. Would it be possible to write down and share your insights on how you monitor your own mental health with the social worker, so that she can be reassured on this question?

You also explain your worry that your daughter’s father would be opposed to her return to your care and that this would be destabilising.

You write that there is no independent reviewing officer in post currently, but the social worker worker has talked about an impending looked after child review and personal education plan review.
Each looked after child review considers a child’s care plan. You can read more about care plans here and the first question to be addressed at each review is whether the care order still needs to be in place.

I know that information on how care orders can be ended has been shared with you several times, but I will post it again here for convenience.

You have asked for a copy of the local authority’s reunification policy but it seems that there is not one in place at this point. You could ask if this gap going to be addressed.

NSPCC have published practice guidance on reunification decision making and support that could be useful reading for you here.

The social worker is talking pragmatically and positively about possible reunification, but you are not yet aware that this is being formally considered. You could acknowledge that the social worker is contemplating and assessing best options for now but ask if she can let you know timescales for her decision on whether a formal plan for working towards reunification will become part of your daughter’s care plan to be reviewed at each looked after child review.

If reunification is not being formally considered at this point, you should ask how grandmother’s undermining remarks and the effect on your daughter’s self-esteem are going to be addressed to prevent emotional harm.

The Mix are a support organisation for young people and have quality online resources on a range of topics including self-esteem and confidence. You might find some useful reading on this website as you guide your daughter towards a strong self image over the coming years. You can link to the website here.

It is unassailably true that your daughter sees you as an anchor point in her life and it is testament to your good sense and empathy that she can bring her distress to your door, knowing that you have her best interests at heart and will take things at a steady pace.

Best wishes,
Suzie