Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

I would like to ask a question on behalf of my friend.
She has a 13 year old son with her ex partner. They have co parented for many years, although he has not paid any maintenance for over 4 years now, citing he has their son more than she does which simply isn’t true.
Since Summer of 2023 she been informed by at least 6 people that they have witnessed the father being emotionally abusive towards the child, we'll call him Fxxxd.*
Witnesses have also reported that father has winded Fxxxd, Fxxxd confirmed this happened.
Father is 6'5" bodybuilder/MMA fighter and PT.
Fxxxd never speaks out on his father as he idolises him. However, my friend has recorded conversations between Fred and father and has heard him being emotionally abusive, intimidating and manipulative in these conversations. Fred has also been taken to the homes of multiple women while father has relationships and affairs. Father is currently on bail for alleged domestic abuse to a former partner.
This has been reported as controlling and coersive. Father has been heard telling Fred what to say on the phone on a number of occasions, appearing to "coach" him. Fxxxd thinks his relationship with his father is normal. Father drives without a license and has recently been filmed driving a car borrowed from one of his girlfriends (this has been reported).
Father recently came out of a relationship and has sent threatening emails to the woman, and voice notes telling her she's made a mistake crossing him, she also had to contact police as he refused to leave her home. this women has sent all of this to my friend.
My friend has sought advice from a counsellor for Fred, who has advised to reduce contact and inform social services, my friend is understandably afraid of father as he has indirectly (through a friend in the past) threatened to have her ‘buried’ if she stops him seeing Fred. I have advised a prohibited steps order and a non mol. She's told him he can only have supervised contact (social services had an anonymous reports)
SS told my friend that she has the right to stop contact. To which father is now manipulating Fxxxd saying "it's your choice whether you see me or not"
Previously he has called Fxxd a
"selfish little t@&t" because he wanted to spend time with his friends rather than see father.
Would there be anything else she can do to protect her 13 year old with adhd, who is clearly trauma bonded to his father.

*(edited by Suzie to remove name in line with rules for the forum)

Dear Smee83

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from the post that you have posted on behalf of your friend, mother to a 13-year-old boy.

There are appears to be several issues which are of concern regarding the child’s contact with his father and how this is affecting him. You mention that children’s services is involved but only state that the advice given to mother is to stop contact. Is children’s services taking any steps for example, carrying out an assessment to ascertain what support if any might be needed for her son who you say has ADHD. As a child with a diagnosis, mother can seek help and support from the children’s disabilities team in her area. Please see information here about this.

It is correct that mother can stop contact if she considers it is not in her son’s best interests. Father may decide to apply to the court for a child arrangement order to have contact. In this situation, the court would want to know all circumstances, the child’s wishes and children’s services involvement. The court’s decision would consider the child’s welfare as a primary factor before an order is made.

Whilst he would be able to express his wishes and feeling about contact the final decision is not the child’s although the older a child is the more weight is given to their wishes. In this case, his additional needs is likely to be a factor in the decision making.

If the father made threats to mother regarding her safety, she may wish to inform the police.

I think children’s services should be asked to carry out a child in need assessment to identify what need exists that requires additional support.

You may wish to speak to Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480, they offer advice on private family law matters like con-tact.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie