Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

So my 15 year old stepdaughter lives with me and my partner (her dad) full time.

She has limited contact with her mother due to her having an alcohol problem.

Anyway my stepdaughter has had issues with her behaviour for years and is awaiting assessment from camhs. She has been in around 5 schools due to being excluded.

She has been reported missing several times over the past 2 years and we have had police involvement for her numerous times.

We have just been ok holiday and she went missing twice there and had to be brought back by the police there.

We are all at breaking point now as it is starting to affect her younger sister and have asked for her to be taken into care. This is not something that has been taken lightly, it has affected our mental health and we are not coping. She has even accused her dad of hitting her.

Social services were obviously reluctant and I know they would prefer her to stay in the family home but we just can’t do it anymore.

Initially they said there’s nowhere for her to go but surely we can’t carry on living like this?

I was just wondering if anyone had been in any similar situation and had any advice on where we go from here cos the relationship has completely broken down with all of us.

Dear AR8021,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents' forum.

You have a 15 year old stepdaughter, who lives with you and your partner, her father. She has limited contact with her mother due to alcohol misuse. You say that your stepdaughter's behaviour has been challenging for a number of years, and that she is waiting for an assessment from CAMHS. She has been to 5 schools due to being excluded. She has been reported missing several times over the last 2 years and the police have bene involved. You recently went on holiday and she went missing twice and had to be returned by police. You say that this is impacting on your family and her younger sister, and that you have asked for her to be taken into care. You say you are not coping and that your stepdaughter has accused her father of hitting her. Children's services would prefer for your stepdaughter to remain within the family home and initially said that there is nowhere for her to go. You would like to know where you could go with this.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation your family is in; it is clear you are worried about your stepdaughter and that she is vulnerable. It is also clear that the current situation is impacting your family as a whole.

You do not mention what in what capacity children's services are involved; whether your stepdaughter is on a child in need or child protection plan. From what you describe, I think there are grounds to say that your stepdaughter is at risk of significant harm and that she may be suffering exploitation in the community. If there is not already a child protection plan in place, I would advise that you and your partner talk to the social worker about this, outlining your concerns. Children's services may decide to initiate child protection enquiries, and to hold a child protection conference to discuss whether this threshold has been met and what the multiagency can do to help keep your stepdaughter safe. You can read more about child protection here.

In any case, it is clear your stepdaughter and you as a family are in need of extra support. This may include working closely with the education authority to find her a suitable school place; working with the local contextual safeguarding team; referring you to specialist organisations and organising a mentor for her. I would also that you ask the social worker to convene an urgent meeting with all relevant professionals to look at the current plan; what is working and what is not, and what help do you need to help you keep her safe and to manage her behaviour in the home?

You mention that you have asked children's services to take your stepdaughter into care. This refers to section 20 accommodation. You can read more this here. This means that someone with parental responsibility (such as your partner) consents for the local authority to accommodate your stepdaughter elsewhere - this could be a foster home, or could be a residential setting. This would make her a looked after child.

Children's services may be reluctant to take your stepdaughter into care for a number of reasons - they may think this would not be in her best interests, or that a placement outside of the home would make her more vulnerable. If this is the case, they should work with you as a family to improve the current situation and to ensure that the needs of a children within the home are met. I would advise that you ask children's services to put in writing their reasons for refusing to accommodate her. You can, then, respond with a formal complaint. Please see here for more information on how to do this.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.