Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hi,

My baby is 11 months old and me and my partner (babies dad) have had struggles in our relationship that we’ve managed to work through. Unfortunately due to me struggling with trust issues the police have been called twice in the last 3 months once by myself and once by my partner due to a physical altercation whilst our baby was asleep in bed.

After the first call, the social worker visited and saw that me and my partner are great parents and our baby has a safe and happy home and it was NFAd. With the most recent call, social services are now initiating an initial child protection meeting. The social worker has said that they do not believe our baby is at risk of harm from either of us but she doesn’t think our relationship is safe around the baby, which although we know we can be safe and the incidents could have been managed differently, we understand why they are taking these steps.

The meeting is in a weeks time and between now and then me and my partner are not allowed contact with each other or with our baby together, so at the moment baby is primarily staying with me and the odd night her dad stays with her and I sleep out. They have said we both need to work with harbour and mental health services and I am getting a referral for an ADHD assessment.

How long do you think it will be before we can show we can resume our relationship safely and be able to live together again and parent our baby together as a family? Our baby thrives from me and her dad being present together even if it’s not in a relationship she needs us both together at home with her to feel happy and safe.

Thanks

Dear red1995

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.
My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will be responding to your post.

You are worried about the situation you find yourself in at present due to the issues in the relationship with your baby’s father. Unfortunately, within a 3-month period you have had domestic issues involving the police and this is taken very seriously where a child is living in that environment. This is because of the impact that domestic abuse can have on the emotional wellbeing of children living the home. Research shows it can also affect an unborn child.

I understand that your home is a nice environment and the social worker on the first visit would have explained that further police call outs would result in further action being taken. You and your partner were not able to work out an issue and this spilled over into something out of control. Although you state your baby was asleep else-where when this incident occurred, this does not mean the concerns are any less. The worry is that you both could start arguing or worse whilst holding your baby who could be harmed accidentally and hearing loud arguments is not helpful either.

As children’s services have now initiated child protection investigations resulting in an initial child protection conference, I think you may find it helpful to read the information about child protection from our website.

There is a film HERE to help you understand the procedure for an initial child protection conference.

You and your partner should also consider engaging with a service to help you both address the issues in your relationship. Children’s services have already suggested a service you can work with regarding this. Mental health issues appear to be a feture as well and it is important that you and your partner engage with mental health ser-vices as you need. I hope your assessment for ADHD will happen soon as it may give you more insight into how you function as an individual and in turn help you to learn ways to manage your behaviours.

Co-parenting your baby is important to you and baby’s father, so it is important that you both work openly and honestly with children’s services as this is the most likely way to achieve the outcome you want. I think you may find the information in this link relating to domestic abuse domestic abuse helpful. You may also wish to have relationship support and RELATE may be a helpful service.

It is not possible to give you a timescale regarding you and your partner being able to live with your baby as a family. A lot will depend on how well you work with children’s services and the child protection process. There are two possible outcomes from the initial child protection conference. Firstly, that your baby is placed on a child protec-tion plan or, in the alternative that a child in need plan can offer the support needed to help you both keep your baby safe. A child protection plan is not voluntary but child in need is and, in both cases, you should engage with the process or children’s ser-vices could escalate the case.

Here is information about child in need.

If you engage positively with children’s services and the other support offered this is likely to lead children’s services to decide that you have both addressed the concerns and fully understand the reason for their intervention.

I hope this is helpful but should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advis-ers you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

You can post again if you wish to have further information.

Best wishes

Suzie