Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

I have two children(11)(14) both diagnosed with asd & adhd. (So this distracts professionals from underlying issues).
My daughter (14) has suffered with mental health, self harm, running away and substance abuse, I have battled with this and begged for help for years with hospitals, doctors, camhs, schools, police and so much more. No one has ever helped and always walk away after shrugging their shoulders. I ended up losing my job and becoming her carer full time when she got permanently excluded and behaving worse.

Recently she has been obsessed with a new friend (in care) whilst still being friends with another troubled girl. (Yes I’ve tried to keep them apart)
She has gone into her (temp) school specifically asked for a safeguarding lead!! and made untold amounts of false allegations about abuse and neglect towards her and her brother, police and ss come and spoke to both kids whilst I was kept separated, turns out my son backed these allegations with some of his own…WTH!!!
she is still sticking to these false allegations, but it has come to light that she threatened hurting my son and his pet gecko and made my son to do a video and say all the things she was telling him too. He stuck to this from fear and because they put the kids together when asking questions (how intimidating for him!) until he realised how much trouble I was getting in and not seeing me for a couple of weeks. He is now home after 3 weeks but my daughter is refusing and threatening end of life or that I will end up ending her life!!!
She is staying somewhere I don’t approve and have not given permission, paternal grandmother (not been in our lives for 7years, always tried to undermine and take over) she is essentially a runaway, again!! Doing what she wants again!!

She is refusing camhs and apparently it’s all her choice!
A mentally unstable 14year old can apparently make important informed decisions for themselves regarding their mental health and state of mind.

Since all this I have been put on a child protection plan under neglect, This is because it covers physical and emotional abuse!!!….i have not hurt my children in anyway what so ever.
Why is it now they want to be involved when they can blame me, but the countless times I pleaded for help just got shrugged off…
Oh yeah and during all of this no one got my side as police cancelled my interview and it still hasn’t been rescheduled. They disregarded my sons confession aswell. In the cpc I just kept getting shushed! I’m devastated..
She has made a number of other false allegations about other people since this started but again ss are blind to this.
Everything I’m qualified in is dbs so completely ruined my chances of a decent career!! I can’t even take my son to scouts anymore!

Please help me

Dear WT1224

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post.

I am sorry that you have had such a difficult time trying to access support for your children who both have diagnoses of ASD and ADHD. It appears that your daughter has struggled with mental health, self-harm, running away and substance abuse and although you have sought help and support this has not been offered.

The position now is that your children made allegations abuse to children’s services (the new name for social services) and the police. From your post, your daughter instigated this process by speaking with the safeguarding lead at her school who would in turn have referred it to children’s service. Both the police and a social worker spoke with your children separately from you. They can do this where there are safeguarding concerns, and it is not unusual for children to be seen on their own. Children’s services have taken on board what your daughter has alleged and her wishes and feelings about returning home. I understand that you deny the allegations as you have never harmed your children.

It is good that your son is now home with you. Children’s services have taken on board what he has told them and his wishes and feelings. It does not appear that he feels the same level of animosity towards you as your daughter since she is clear she does not wish to return home currently.

You say your daughter is staying somewhere that you did not agree, does her father have parental responsibility and did he agree? Children’s services can only keep a child from home if a person with parental responsibility agrees or they have a court order. If a child is placed in an emergency to safeguard them, children’s services could treat it as what is known as section 20 accommodation initially but would need the consent referred to above for this to continue. I suggest you ask children’s services the legal basis on which you daughter is being kept from your home

You say your daughter is refusing CAMHS but also that you sought help from them, but no support was offered. Sometimes, teenagers refuse to engage with CAMHS, and they cannot be force to engage. It is not, I do not believe, the case that it is accepted it is an informed decision being made by your daughter but they cannot force her.

Your children are now on child protection plans following children’s services doing s.47 child protection investigation which resulted in an initial child protection conference the outcome of which was a plan to safeguard your children and work with you and other professionals. I assume you are attending the regular core group meetings which happens when there is child protection plan. I suggest you do your best to work to the plan. Here is information relating child protection

In your post you complain of the lack of support for your children and, as they are children with diagnosed disabilities should be considered children in need. The local authority’s children’s disabilities team could have been requested to provide support.

You may wish to make a formal complaint regarding the lack of support, and you can read more about complaints on our website.

Sometimes, having a child protection plan can affect a person’s employment if they work with children or vulnerable adults. Often this depends on the employer’s policy. I am sorry that your career is affected by your current situation.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie