Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hello,

I am at a loss of where to turn and whether our situation is typical for the court proceedings process. My child, aged 2, has been out of my care since the end of October 2024. He was placed in the care of the local authority as, during a mental breakdown, I had sent a series of text messages stating that I felt like killing myself and my son due to issues I've had with his dad (who I previously reported to the police, in January 2023, for threatening to beat me with a metal scooter - he was not investigated or charged). I have been charged with the Online Safety Act for sending the texts, I am awaiting trial in July with conditions that I can only have contact with my son via Social Services and the Family Court. It has been found, via a thorough parenting assessment, that there have been no previous safeguarding concerns raised for my son - I have never harmed him, he is not neglected, he is enrolled in nursery and I have continually tried to seek support for my mental health. I have been on the waiting list for trauma therapy for over a year and was previously supported by the Perinatal and Parental Mental Health Team, who confirmed to police and social services that I have previously expressed intrusive thoughts that mention suicide ideation, though I have never acted on these thoughts or harmed myself or my child - intrusive thoughts are fleeting and honestly distress me.

I have had a diagnosis of Complex PTSD after two psychiatric assessments and I am in therapy for suicide ideation. I also receive therapy via my employer, who have been incredibly supportive.

Since being placed in the local authority's care there have been issues that include:

- my son being placed with my sister, who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and whose children have been subject to intervention by Social Services, under Special Guardianship Orders with my mum and another sister. My sister, who social services handed my son to, has also been convicted of a very serious crime in front of her children (11 and 3 at the time), where she pushed an elderly woman in the path of a moving bus, her image and video of the crime was circulated on national television.
- when living with my sister my son was made to share a bed with his 17 year old cousin. He also wasn't been taken to nursery, looked unkempt, had rashes (that my sister wouldn't seek medical advice for) and was in a pretty poor state.
I strongly advocated for my son to be placed with a paternal aunt or his paternal grandparents, but to no avail and he was placed in foster carer in January 2025. To my relief, the foster carer is much better. My son is happy and the foster carer is keen he returns back to me, she has stated this directly to me and the social workers.

I have passed a parenting assessment, my solicitor said the assessment was "very very positive" and now I am waiting for the bail conditions to be lifted so I can given a plan for my son to transition back home.

Since my son has been in foster care there have been a series of events that have really begun to frustrate me:

- a social worker requested a call during a time where she acknowledged I was at contact with my son but, "she really needed to finish some court documents". She then proceeded to discuss the court proceedings during the contact session, which was very upsetting.
- a contact supervisor has had very upsetting conversations with me during contact, including discussing child sex abuse and telling me that though foster care checks are rigorous "foster carers lie and can still abuse children". She also grabbed my son by the arm and dragged him during a contact session and shared her personal telephone number with me. A friend came along to a contact session and attested that she found the contact supervisor inappropriate, even with her. I have raised a formal complaint, accompanied with proof that includes a screenshot of her personal telephone number in my contacts.
- we have had a contact supervisor fail to show up to a contact session, the foster carer - my son and I turned up expecting a contact session and waited 50 minutes only to be told the contact supervisor wasn't coming. My son was extremely distressed and confused, it is obviously difficult to explain to a 2 year old why this has happened. When my son was with my sister she sometimes failed to bring him to sessions and I would often only be told 10 minutes beforehand.
- a contact supervisor called me at work, on a day where we don't usually have contact, to ask if I was attending that day's session. I informed her that I hadn't been told about a session and was now distressed that my son is potentially expecting me at a session and would, again, be traumatised if I wasn't there. After a lot of calls, I was told that the initial call the contact supervisor made to me was another error made by the contact team and my son hadn't made his way to contact.
- there are other mistakes made with contact, it is actually too long to list, but these errors have caused great distress to my son and myself. These mistakes have occured as recently as yesterday. Apologies are made, but clearly no change and mistakes continue to happen. The foster carer has also expressed her annoyance with the social workers involved and the contact team, her main source of stress this week was not being updated on new arrangements for contact and not being given updates on the case which meant she has arrived at contact late or having to rely on me as a source of information, which is inappropriate.

I want to know if these mishaps are considered normal or par for the course by the court? I get mistakes happen, but this seems excessive and there is no acknowledgement on how no shows from contact supervisors detrimentally impact my son, who is extremely upset when contact ends and has to leave me. I became distressed by the continual mistakes this week, and now social workers are stating they are going to request the court extend the proceedings with a further assessment. They plan to do this at the next court date in June. At no point have I ever expressed distress in front of my son, or around him, I have only ever become visibly distressed in court when the social worker called during contact and imparted news about the case. They also wish to extend the assessment period because the inappropriate contact supervisor has claimed that I said I was going to take my son during contact and that I fail to properly supervise him. The foster carer has said that she will attest that she was there on the day and I in fact said the opposite, that I no longer want to continue contact as the continual mistakes cause such a great deal of anxiety and trauma for myself and my son. I would never threaten to take my son and jeopardise all the hard work and progress I have made these last few months.

I have previously raised a formal complaint about my son being placed with my sister, where he experienced neglect, the complaint also cited issues with incorrect information in a report (dangerously incorrect) and changes were made. The local authority have been reprimanded for previous poor sleeping arrangements for my son and his lack of engagement in Early Years education, despite his nursery offering to support. I am now making a complaint about the contact supervisor and the call during contact.

I am really at a loss of what to do and would like any advice or words of support.

Dear Rue

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and will respond to your posts today. Apologies that your post did not receive a prompt response from me due entirely to pressure of work and an inadvertent oversight,

I am sorry for the frustration you are feeling in the care process because of the different issues you are dealing in respect of contact as well as mistakes and actions taken by the social worker. It is good to see in your posts that you have received apologies, but it seems these are hollow for you as the same or similar mistakes continue to be made.

Unfortunately, things can happen, but I can understand why you are unhappy with what seems to be a catalogue of errors. I am taking nothing from your concerns, but it might be more helpful in your case to ensure that you can work well with the social worker and other professionals. This does not mean you should not point out errors but try not to focus only on them so you are not seen as missing the main issues of concerns that led to children’s services involvement. You can read our GUIDE about working with social workers

It may be more helpful for you to bring concerns to your solicitor who can document to take it up with those representing children’s services. Children’s services may be unwilling to deal with a formal complaint whilst there are ongoing court proceedings. I note that some issues you raised were addressed.

You advocated for your son’s removal from the placement with his aunt which was an excellent outcome for him, and you based on the issues you mentioned. So that was a resolution which can be mentioned in your statement which you will prepare with your solicitor, but my suggestion is that you try not to focus on something that has been resolved. Although I appreciate this is difficult when mistakes continue to be made.

Your solicitor is there to advise and support you so do not take on everything yourself. It may help you to read this guide from our website about working with a solicitor

Poor practice on the part of children’s services must be very frustrating for you. However, all you can do is bring these to their attention and your solicitors. Your solicitor should be able to liaise with their legal department about your concerns and ensure that the court is made aware of anything that negatively affects your son or you.

I think you may find the information in this link from our website relating to care proceedings helpful.

You have already raised complaints some of which has been successful. That is really the most you can do. I suggest you continue to do what is required of you so that you can have the best outcome for you and your family.

Hope this is information is both helpful and supportive.

Best wishes

Suzie