How to contact us for advice
We provide advice to parents, grandparents, relatives, friends and kinship carers who are involved with children’s services in England or need their help. We can help you understand processes and options when social workers or courts are making decisions about your child’s welfare.
Our advice service is free, independent and confidential.
To speak to an adviser, please call our free and confidential advice line 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3pm, excluding Bank Holidays). For Textphone dial 18001 followed by the advice line number. Or you can ask us a question via email using our advice enquiry form.
Our online advice forums are an anonymous space where parents and kinship carers (also known as family and friends carers) can get legal and practical advice, build a support network and learn from other people’s experiences.
Our get help and advice section describes the processes that you and your family are likely to go through, so that you know what to expect. Our webchat service can help you find the information and advice on our website which will help you understand the law and your rights.
These questions aim to answer some of the questions mothers in this situation often have. The questions are grouped together under different headings.
It may be helpful to look at our Children’s services page too. This has easy to follow information about the different ways children’s services can become involved in children’s lives. It explains the important principles that should guide how children’s services work. For example, working in partnership with children and their parents. And making sure decisions are made fairly.
The relationship you have with your child’s social worker is an important one. But sometimes in domestic abuse situations, women do not feel supported by their child’s social worker. Sometimes women say that they feel blamed for the situation or disbelieved. Or judged to be a bad mother.
All child care social workers should have had some training in domestic abuse and the impact it can have on children, but some may not have much experience of it in practice.
What happens if I feel the social worker doesn't understand what I am going through?
If you are worried the social worker does not have the right experience to support you then:
My child's social worker is male. I feel very uncomfortable with this given my recent experience of domestic abuse. What can I do?
You can request a change of social worker with your social worker’s manager. You can do this in a letter or email. Or you could ask for a meeting or telephone call with the manager. Make sure you explain your reasons carefully. It may be helpful to note down your reasons before writing or talking with the manager.
The social worker keeps bringing up issues about past relationships. How is this relevant?
No one likes to have their past discussed. Especially when it is painful, and you have worked hard to move on.
But it is also true that some women who are in abusive relationships have been in them before. Try to discuss your history with the social worker. It is important to acknowledge things that are still problematic for you, but also to be able to recognise what is no longer relevant. Social workers and other professionals should recognise when you have been able to learn from the past, and have moved on.
If you or your child have experienced domestic abuse, you can approach a range of organisations for help and advice. This includes Women’s Aid or other specialist domestic violence organisations. See Domestic abuse: getting further help for contact details.
You may need to call the police. Or, depending on your situation, you may want to talk to a practitioner. This may be your GP or health visitor, or your child’s teacher. Or a solicitor. You can also consider contacting your local children’s services department.
Early help aims for agencies to work together to provide support as soon as problems emerge. This is because tackling a problem early can stop things getting worse. Early Help can be given to a family with a child up to age 18. So the child may be a baby, toddler, at primary school or a teenager.
Early Help services are aimed at supporting children and families without a social worker. Social workers are not involved in early help assessments or providing early help services. But sometimes social workers ask early help services to provide assistance to children and families they are working with.
See our Early help page for information about getting early help and what an early help assessment involves.
If you feel it would be helpful for any other practitioners involved with your family to meet together and make a plan, you could suggest that a Team Around the Family meeting.
A range of services can be offered as part of early help. But if the early help assessment suggests your child and family may need extra help and support from children’s services, a referral may be made. See our Child in need page for more information.
What may happen if people are worried about my unborn baby? What is a pre-birth assessment?
Children’s services departments sometimes receive information from someone worried about the safety of an unborn baby. This information is called a referral. Anyone can make a referral if they are worried about a child or unborn baby. So, a referral may come from a member of the public or a family member. It can come from someone involved with the family or child. This could be a teacher, health visitor, the police or a GP for example.
When they receive a referral, children’s services should decide certain things within one working day (see Working Together to Safeguard Children at page 30, paragraph 71). These things are:
A social worker from children’s services will get in touch with you. They will likely want to start an assessment. This will be to help find out whether you and your baby will need additional support. And whether your baby will be safe when they are born. The social worker will speak to your midwife and any other relevant health staff when doing their assessment of your family situation.
If, after the assessment, the social worker is still worried your baby may be likely to suffer significant harm after the birth, an initial child protection conference may be held while you are still pregnant.
See the next question for more information about the child protection process, including child protection conferences.
I have had previous children removed by Children's Services. What can I do to stop them taking my baby when they are born?
In this situation, it is very common to be worried that your new baby could be removed. You may feel worried and scared even if your situation is very different now. Sometimes pregnant women avoid contact with health and other practitioners because they are worried about children’s services getting involved again. But this is not a good idea. In fact, it is likely to make things worse for you.
The social worker is very likely to visit you and assess whether they think you will be able to look after your baby when they are born. In some cases, if they are worried your baby may be likely to suffer significant harm when born, they might arrange an initial child protection conference. This may be held while you are still pregnant.
See our Family group conferences: advice for families page for advice about how a family group conference may help explore what support you and your baby may have from relatives and friends. And who might be able to look after your baby if you cannot.
Whether a referral about an unborn baby or a child leads to children’s services making child protection enquiries will depend on the situation. But if children’s services suspect a child is likely to suffering significant harm then they must investigate (see section 47 of the Children Act 1989). This is called starting child protection enquiries.
If enquiries show your unborn baby or your child is suffering harm, or is likely to, then an initial child protection conference must take place. This is a meeting arranged by children’s services. It decides whether a child should be placed on a child protection plan.
See our Child protection page for more information about the child protection process.
I am keeping to my part of the child protection plan but the professionals don't do their part or take too long. What can I do?
You may feel that the practitioners’ approach is stopping your child getting the help they need. Or that they will have a child protection plan for longer than is necessary. It can be very frustrating when delays happen through no fault of your own but try to remain polite and calm.
Although you are likely to have a lot to do at the moment, do try to stay organised. Make notes for yourself about appointments and referrals and keep track of what has not happened. Always ask when you can expect something by. You may need to remind professionals of things they have said they will do. If, for example, a referral is promised but then doesn’t happen, ask if you can refer yourself. If delays continue, you can consider contacting your social worker’s manager and if this does not resolve the problem, then you can make a complaint.
I am scared to contact the police or the social worker. I don't want the situation to be held against me
If you feel you or your child may be at immediate risk then you need to contact the police. The most important thing is the safety of you and your children.
If you fear that following reporting the domestic violence, this will be held against you, then contact an independent specialist advice organisation, either Family Rights Group, Rights of Women or a domestic abuse agency for advice and support (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).
Failure to seek help can sometimes be interpreted as placing yourself and your child at risk. You may feel in an impossible situation. You may feel that if you don’t report the abuse you’ll be seen as failing to protect your child. But that if you do then it is evidence of continuing risk for your child.
We understand that dilemma, but you and your children’s safety is what matters most. Specialist advice organisations can help advocate for you with children’s services so that you are not blamed for doing the right thing.
My partner has told me the children will be taken from me if I report the violence
Threats of this kind are common in domestic violence situations. It’s very important that it does not deter you from seeing help. You can discuss how to manage your situation by contacting a domestic violence helpline. You can find details in Domestic abuse: getting further help.
The social worker doesn't believe my child is in danger, but I feel s/he is, what can I do?
It is very upsetting to feel your child is at risk of harm but that professionals do not agree with you. Whether the social worker agrees your child is at risk or not, contact a domestic violence specialist organisation to find out what support you may be offered (see Domestic abuse: getting further help). Keep a record of the instances of abuse, and ask any professionals working with you to help you explain your concerns to the social worker.
You should always call the police if you are worried that you or your child is in immediate danger.
Pre proceedings is the process where children’s services consider whether to start care proceedings. If they decide to do this, children’s services must send you a letter before proceedings. This letter should include:
See our Pre-proceedings page for more information.
If children’s services think the situation is urgent or your child is unsafe, they may begin court proceedings. See our Care (and related) proceedings page for more information.
The social worker says I have to end my relationship but I don’t want to. What will they do next?
Sometimes, after assessments have been completed, your child’s social worker may say that your partner should leave the home. They may say they should have no further contact with your child. If you do not agree with this you could:
After discussing your situation with a domestic abuse professional, you may change your mind about what is in the best interests of your children.
If you still do not agree, ask the social worker to be clear with you about what will happen if you do not do what is being asked. They may tell you that under these circumstances, children’s services may start a pre-proceedings process. This is the process where children’s services consider whether to start care proceedings. If they decide to do this, children’s services must send you a letter before proceedings.
See our Pre-proceedings page for more information.
If children’s services think the situation is urgent or your child is unsafe, they may begin court proceedings.
See our Care (and related) proceedings page for more information.
Alternatively, as the social worker’s concern is the safety of the children, you may be able to agree arrangements for you to keep in contact with your partner. But without the children being involved. But of course, you will not be able to do this if there are legal restrictions in place. Such as bail conditions or injunctions.
Important: If either a pre-proceedings process or care proceedings are going to begin it is very important to urgently find a solicitor:
What can I do to make sure my children are safe when they have contact with their father who has abused me?
If there is a child protection plan this should normally set out whether your child should have contact with their father. There may be legal restrictions on this, for example in his bail conditions if he has been arrested, or other court orders that may be in place. If there are no legal restrictions, the social workers may still decide it is not safe for your child to have contact or they may decide he should have contact in some limited way, for example at a contact centre or supervised by a responsible person.
It is very important that you understand the decision about contact, and that you feel comfortable with it. If you feel it places you or the child at risk of harm, you need to tell the social worker or professionals at the child protection conference why you think this. The child protection plan is not “legally binding” in terms of allowing, stopping or restricting contact. Only a court can make a legally binding decision on this.
The social worker may ask you and your child’s father to work cooperatively and agree contact arrangements. You may feel this places you and your child at risk. If you disagree with the contact arrangements in the child protection plan, take legal advice from a solicitor or contact either Family Rights Group’s or Rights of Women’s helplines (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).
I believe it is in my child's best interests to have a relationship/contact with their father even though we have split, but the social worker does not agree. What should I do?
Sometimes it is hard to see the negative impact domestic abuse is having on children. The social worker may be right that your child’s father is too violent and abusive. It may be that safe contact cannot be arranged. But this decision should be made following a specialist risk assessment. This looks at what the risks are. Whether they can be managed in any way. And explains what the person doing the assessment thinks will be a safe plan for contact.
Your child may have witnessed or heard violence and abuse. They may be more afraid of their father than you realise.
Still, it can also be damaging to children not to have a relationship with their father and some mothers who have experienced domestic violence still want to allow their children to have contact, or keep in touch, with their father. Your child’s father can pursue contact independently. He can get independent advice on this, and even apply to court for contact, so the courts decide.
A social worker asked me to agree that my children would not have unsupervised contact with their father. I agreed but haven’t seen the social worker since then. Where do I stand?
It is important that you follow this agreement but if you are unhappy with it contact the social worker and ask them to clarify what they are asking for and why. It is a good idea to ask them to confirm it to you in writing as well. If the social worker is worried that unsupervised contact may place your children at risk they may start child protection enquiries.
You can also check if your child’s social worker plans to do more of an assessment of your family’s needs, and let the social worker know what you think would help you and your family.
If you do not accept that your child would be at risk as a result of unsupervised contact with their father, you need to ask the social worker what steps they think need to happen for unsupervised contact to be resumed. You could challenge the agreement or withdraw consent, but it is strongly recommended that you first seek advice so you are clear about the potential consequences, including steps children’s services may then take.
The social worker wants me to allow contact between my child and his father, but I feel this would be unsafe, what can I do?
Keep in mind that even if the social worker feels contact is good for your child, the social worker does not have the legal authority to insist on contact against your wishes. The social worker is making a recommendation and this should be based on what the social worker thinks is best for your child, taking into account their wishes and feelings. But only a court can order you to allow or arrange to contact.
If you have a solicitor, you should discuss this with them. You can apply to a court to stop contact between your child and their father. If you don’t have a solicitor, you should try to get further advice (see Domestic abuse: getting further help) but you can also make the application yourself – contact the office of your local family court about what you need to do.
If there are no legal proceedings, or you are advised by a solicitor that you do not have enough evidence to ask the court order to stop contact, talk to your social worker again about your concerns. Try to agree safer contact arrangements, for example supervised contact, and contact that does not involve you seeing your abuser face to face. Ask the social worker if the arrangements can be reviewed regularly, to address any problems that may come up.
Protecting yourself from domestic abuse when your immigration status is uncertain
If you have insecure immigration status, you are still entitled to protection from domestic abuse, just like anyone else in the UK. Your abuser will also be subject to the same sanctions as anyone else, whatever his or her immigration status. You can contact the police, or a domestic abuse helpline.
1. What is a Non-Molestation Order?
When deciding whether to grant the order, the court will consider all of your circumstances. This includes the need to secure the health, safety and well-being of you and any children.
If the abuser does anything to break the terms of a non-molestation order, they can be arrested by the police. They can be charged for committing a criminal offence. If they are found guilty they can be punished by up to 5 years in prison and / or a fine.
You can also apply to the court which made the non-molestation order for your abuser to be put in prison.
For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.
2. What is an Occupation Order?
The court may also look at the harm that you and any child might suffer if the order is not granted. And the harm that the respondent (the abuser) and any child might suffer if it is.
The type of occupation order you can apply for depends on your legal rights in respect of the property and on the type of relationship you have with the abuser. The court can make both a non-molestation order and an occupation order at the same time if it is appropriate.
For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.
3. What is a Restraining Order?
If you have no relationship with your abuser and never have had, then you may be able to obtain protection under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 which makes it a criminal offence to harass someone or make them fear that violence will be used against them.
If you think you are being harassed by someone, you can report it to the police who may be able to take action against the person responsible.
If that person is prosecuted, but later found not guilty of an offence of harassment, the criminal courts can also make a restraining order if they consider it is necessary to protect you/the victim from further harassment. A restraining order can stop the abuser from doing anything set out in the order including using or threatening violence, communicating with you/ the victim (by phone or email) or going to certain places.
You can also apply for a restraining order yourself by making an application to the civil court. This may be important if you cannot apply for a non-molestation order because you are not associated to your abuser
For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.
4. What is a Domestic Violence Protection Notice (DVPN)?
The notice can only be made if you are associated with the abuser (see the dropdown on Non-Molestation Order) for details of what it means to be associated.
5. What is a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO)?
Before a Domestic violence protection notice (DVPN) ends, the police must apply to the magistrates’ court for a DVPO if they want to continue to protect you.
The DVPN will forbid the abuser from molesting you or from entering or coming within a certain distance of your home.
DVPOs and DVPNs only apply to people who are associated to each other (see the dropdown on Non-Molestation Order).
6. What is a Forced Marriage Protection Order (FMPO)?
This type of court order can be used to protect a person being forced into marriage. It can protect someone already in a forced marriage.
A forced marriage is when someone is made to enter the marriage without their free and full consent. Force includes using threats or other psychological means. It can include, for example, threats to harm you if you don’t enter the marriage. Or telling you that you will bring dishonour to the family if the marriage doesn’t happen.
Forced marriage is different to arranged marriage where families are involved in selecting a partner but it is up each individual in the couple to decide whether or not to enter the marriage.
Forcing a person into marriage is a criminal offence. If your abuser is found guilty of this they can be sentenced to up to 7 years in prison.
Breaching a forced marriage protection order is a criminal offence. If your abuser is found guilty of this they can be sentenced to prison for up to 5 years.
7. What is a Child Arrangements Order?
Child arrangements orders have replaced what were previously known as contact orders and residence orders.
8. What is a Prohibited Steps Order?
A prohibited steps order can be used to stop a parent (or someone with parental responsibility) for doing something. For example, it can be used to forbid a parent from taking the child abroad or changing a child’s name.
9. What is a Specific Issue Order?
A specific issue order can be used to determine a specific issue that is in dispute between parents or people with parental responsibility. This might include, for example, which school the child is to attend or whether they should have a particular medical treatment.
When deciding whether to grant any of the above orders the child’s welfare will be the court’s most important consideration.
The court will presume that it is best for any child to have both parents involved in their life, unless there is good reason not to. Involvement can mean many things and does not have to include face to face contact with the child.
If you have insecure immigration status, you are still entitled to protection from domestic abuse, just like anyone else in the UK. Your abuser will also be subject to the same sanctions as anyone else, whatever his or her immigration status. You can contact the police, or a domestic abuse helpline.
I am a non-UK citizen and I want to leave my abusive partner. Will I be able to stay in the UK? What help can I get?
You are still entitled to protection from domestic violence and abuse. You must get help if you or your child’s safety is at risk. Contact the police, a domestic abuse helpline or children’s services.
You may be able to remain in the UK. It is important that you know your legal rights. Speak to an immigration legal adviser as soon as you can. If you have been in the UK for over 2 years, you may qualify for indefinite leave to remain. If not, you could be eligible for a Destitution Domestic Violence (DDV) concession if you meet the following criteria:
You may qualify for benefits to support you in the short-term. Jobseeker’s allowance, income support and housing benefit may be available. Some domestic abuse charities provide housing to keep you safe. It is important you get the help you need (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).
My partner has told me he will report me to the immigration authorities if I tell anyone about the domestic violence
Threats of this kind are common in domestic violence situations. It’s very important to contact either the police or children’s services quickly any time you feel at risk. Or that your child is at risk. They should make sure you then get some support to keep you and your child safe.
If you are worried about your immigration status, then contact a domestic violence helpline and/or a specialist immigration advice service. Go to Domestic abuse: getting further help for details.
I am scared to speak to a social worker because I don't have the right to be in this country
If you are worried about your immigration status then, contact a domestic abuse helpline who should be able to help you get the right advice for your situation. Go to Domestic abuse: getting further help for details.
There should not normally be any reason for the social worker to share any of your personal information with the abuser. Unless you agree. Examples of personal information include your home address. Or your contact number.
However, sometimes the social worker may not agree that your address needs to be kept confidential. This might happen if the social worker does not share your concerns about you and your child’s safety. Or if they think the abuser if entitled to information about his children.
If there have been legal proceedings, there may be pieces of information the court has said the abuser cannot have. The social worker must not release that information to the abuser.
You can take further advice on this from a solicitor if you have one, Family Rights Group or Rights of Women (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).
I don't want personal information about me or my children to be shared with other professionals like the school or GP. Can I stop this happening?
When an assessment is carried out, professionals will want to share information about the child and family between themselves. This is to help them really understand the child’s needs. The Government has issued guidance on this called Information Sharing Guidance. It applies to practitioners such as social workers, health care practitioners and teachers. It says how and when confidential information can be shared to protect children at risk of harm.
The general rule is a family’s information should not be shared without the parent or carer’s agreement. Or without the child’s agreement (where they are mature enough to understand). But if information needs to be shared to keep a child safe and well, then the social worker will be able to do this.
Many parents find this difficult. It may help if you discuss with the social worker why they want to speak with a certain person. You may then be able to agree how this can best happen. For example, you may want to limit what information the social worker gives to the other person about you and your family. The social worker should talk to you about this. It is usually best if you co-operate as much as you can.
But it is also important to understand that in domestic abuse situations, it may be necessary for professionals to share information about your family between themselves. This can happen even without your agreement if the social worker (or another professional) considers it necessary to protect you or your children. For example, your case may already have been referred to a MARAC (multi agency risk assessment conference) .But all the agencies attending that conference will sign a confidentiality agreement, so that they cannot share that information with anyone else outside the meeting.
I don't want personal information about me or my children to be shared with our wider family. Can I stop this happening?
Members of your wider family do not normally have a right to information about your or your child’s personal circumstances. However, if members of your wider family could offer you and your child more help and support and/or if they might be involved in caring for your child if you are unable to, the social worker may want to share information with them to see how they can help. In this situation, you should discuss with the social worker what information they would like to share, and if possible, reach an agreement with them about this.
If the social worker thinks that there is a risk that your child may need to live elsewhere, it will help the process if you can agree on who can be provided with information. The social worker may also suggest that a family group conference be held. This is a family-led planning meeting. It can be a good way for wider family to be involved in making plans for the children. If you think a family group conference would help, you can ask the social worker to make a referral for one. See our Family group conferences: advice for families page for more information.
The abuser is not my child's father. What is my child's father's right to information about the situation?
Your child’s father has a right to information about his child. Where there has been domestic violence in your new relationship, it is reasonable for him to have concerns about the safety of his children.
If the social worker considers your child to be at risk from the abuser and they believe that sharing information with the child’s father will reduce this risk, they will be justified in sharing the information.
But, information should be limited to what is necessary – so it does not mean that the social worker should share all the information they have with your children’s father, particularly if it relates to things that have happened a long time ago.
You should discuss with your child’s social worker what information they think should be shared and why. If you disagree, you should also ask the social worker to put in writing to you what information they plan to release, and why. If you are not happy with this, you can make a complaint.
Do I have a right to know about previous domestic violence offences my partner has been convicted of?
The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme – also known as Clare’s Law – has been introduced in all police forces in England and Wales. This scheme enables you to make enquiries about your partner if you are worried, they may have been violent or abusive in the past.
the police will consider sharing this information with you.
The scheme aims to help you to make a more informed decision about your relationship and whether to continue it. It provides help and support when making that choice.
You can make an application to police about your partner if you have a concern that they may harm you. The police force in your area can provide details about how to make the application. To ask about the scheme you can to your nearest police station. Or telephone the police on 101.
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