Domestic abuse FAQs for mothers

If you are worried the social worker does not have the right experience to support you then:

• Try to talk about your feelings directly with the social worker, who may not realise how you feel
• If you have specialist domestic abuse support, that worker can talk to your child’s social worker and give more specialist information about domestic abuse
• Politely ask the social worker’s manager if there is a social worker available with more experience in this area. It may not be possible for the manager to offer you a different social worker but you can ask what the reasons are for any decision.
• Make a complaint if very unhappy with how the social worker is working with you and your child. See our Complaints page for further information about how to do this.

You can request a change of social worker with your social worker’s manager. You can do this in a letter or email. Or you could ask for a meeting or telephone call with the manager. Make sure you explain your reasons carefully. It may be helpful to note down your reasons before writing or talking with the manager.

No one likes to have their past discussed. Especially when it is painful, and you have worked hard to move on.

But it is also true that some women who are in abusive relationships have been in them before. Try to discuss your history with the social worker. It is important to acknowledge things that are still problematic for you, but also to be able to recognise what is no longer relevant.  Social workers and other professionals should recognise when you have been able to learn from the past, and have moved on.

Children’s services departments sometimes receive information from someone worried about the safety of an unborn baby. This information is called a referral. Anyone can make a referral if they are worried about a child or unborn baby.  So, a referral may come from a member of the public or a family member. It can come from someone involved with the family or child. This could be a teacher, health visitor, the police or a GP for example.

When they receive a referral, children’s services should decide certain things within one working day (see Working Together to Safeguard Children at page 30, paragraph 71). These things are:

• Whether to start an assessment.
• And if so, what type. This could be a:

• • Child in need assessment focussing on support under section 17 of the Children Act 1989, or
  • Child protection enquiries and assessment under section 47 of the Children Act 1989.

A social worker from children’s services will get in touch with you. They will likely want to start an assessment. This will be to help find out whether you and your baby will need additional support. And whether your baby will be safe when they are born. The social worker will speak to your midwife and any other relevant health staff when doing their assessment of your family situation.

If, after the assessment, the social worker is still worried your baby may be likely to suffer significant harm after the birth, an initial child protection conference may be held while you are still pregnant.

But the social work may decide to arrange a child in need meeting instead if they think:

• Your baby will not be at risk
• You and your baby will need some extra help and support from different practitioners and services.

See the next question for more information about the child protection process, including child protection conferences.

In this situation, it is very common to be worried that your new baby could be removed. You may feel worried and scared even if your situation is very different now. Sometimes pregnant women avoid contact with health and other practitioners because they are worried about children’s services getting involved again. But this is not a good idea. In fact, it is likely to make things worse for you.

The social worker is very likely to visit you and assess whether they think you will be able to look after your baby when they are born. In some cases, if they are worried your baby may be likely to suffer significant harm when born, they might arrange an initial child protection conference. This may be held while you are still pregnant.

These are the best things to do:

• Stay in regular touch with health practitioners. This is so you can make sure you and young baby get the ante-natal care that you need
• Explain to the social worker how your circumstances are different from when your previous children were removed
• Work with the social worker to make a safe plan for your child for when they are born. This may include:
• You explaining how you think you can keep your baby safe when they are born
• Understanding and overcoming the problems which led to your previous children being removed and what support you may need with your new baby
• The social worker saying what support you will be given when the baby is born to help you care for them
• Considering whether there is anyone else in the baby’s family who is suitable to look after your baby if you cannot.

See our Family group conferences: advice for families page for advice about how a family group conference may help explore what support you and your baby may have from relatives and friends. And who might be able to look after your baby if you cannot.

You may feel that the practitioners’ approach is stopping your child getting the help they need. Or that they will have a child protection plan for longer than is necessary. It can be very frustrating when delays happen through no fault of your own but try to remain polite and calm.

Although you are likely to have a lot to do at the moment, do try to stay organised. Make notes for yourself about appointments and referrals and keep track of what has not happened. Always ask when you can expect something by. You may need to remind professionals of things they have said they will do. If, for example, a referral is promised but then doesn’t happen, ask if you can refer yourself. If delays continue, you can consider contacting your social worker’s manager and if this does not resolve the problem, then you can make a complaint.

If you feel you or your child may be at immediate risk then you need to contact the police. The most important thing is the safety of you and your children.

If you fear that following reporting the domestic violence, this will be held against you, then contact an independent specialist advice organisation, either Family Rights Group, Rights of Women or a domestic abuse agency for advice and support (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).

Failure to seek help can sometimes be interpreted as placing yourself and your child at risk. You may feel in an impossible situation. You may feel that if you don’t report the abuse you’ll be seen as failing to protect your child. But that if you do then it is evidence of continuing risk for your child.

We understand that dilemma, but you and your children’s safety is what matters most. Specialist advice organisations can help advocate for you with children’s services so that you are not blamed for doing the right thing.

Threats of this kind are common in domestic violence situations. It’s very important that it does not deter you from seeing help. You can discuss how to manage your situation by contacting a domestic violence helpline. You can find details in Domestic abuse: getting further help.

It is very upsetting to feel your child is at risk of harm but that professionals do not agree with you. Whether the social worker agrees your child is at risk or not, contact a domestic violence specialist organisation to find out what support you may be offered (see Domestic abuse: getting further help). Keep a record of the instances of abuse, and ask any professionals working with you to help you explain your concerns to the social worker.

You should always call the police if you are worried that you or your child is in immediate danger.

Sometimes, after assessments have been completed, your child’s social worker may say that your partner should leave the home. They may say they should have no further contact with your child. If you do not agree with this you could:

• Try discussing this with a domestic abuse support worker
• Ask for the social worker to refer you to a domestic abuse agency. Or contact a domestic abuse agency yourself.

After discussing your situation with a domestic abuse professional, you may change your mind about what is in the best interests of your children.

If you still do not agree, ask the social worker to be clear with you about what will happen if you do not do what is being asked. They may tell you that under these circumstances, children’s services may start a pre-proceedings process. This is the process where children’s services consider whether to start care proceedings. If they decide to do this, children’s services must send you a letter before proceedings.

This letter should include:

• Information about what children’s services are worried about
• Changes they would like the parent or carer to make
• Information about any assessments or courses children’s services think parents should be involved in
• Any support children’s services can put in place
• An invitation to a ‘pre-proceedings meeting’ to discuss those concerns.

See our Pre-proceedings page for more information.

If children’s services think the situation is urgent or your child is unsafe, they may begin court proceedings.

See our Care (and related) proceedings page for more information.

Alternatively, as the social worker’s concern is the safety of the children, you may be able to agree arrangements for you to keep in contact with your partner. But without the children being involved. But of course, you will not be able to do this if there are legal restrictions in place. Such as bail conditions or injunctions.

Important: If either a pre-proceedings process or care proceedings are going to begin it is very important to urgently find a solicitor:

• To find a solicitor, search using the ‘how to find a solicitor’ function on the Law Society website.  Look for someone who is a child law specialist. Or who has Children Law Accreditation’. For information about finding a solicitor and working with them, please see our top tips guide Working with a solicitor.

• You may want to post a question on our Parents Forum to receive advice from one our expert advisers, or for further advice or complex situations you may want to
• Contact us – call Family Rights Group’s specialist legal and practice advice line on 0808 801 0366 (the advice line is open Monday to Friday, from 9.30 am to 3 pm excluding bank holidays).

If there is a child protection plan this should normally set out whether your child should have contact with their father. There may be legal restrictions on this, for example in his bail conditions if he has been arrested, or other court orders that may be in place. If there are no legal restrictions, the social workers may still decide it is not safe for your child to have contact or they may decide he should have contact in some limited way, for example at a contact centre or supervised by a responsible person.

It is very important that you understand the decision about contact, and that you feel comfortable with it. If you feel it places you or the child at risk of harm, you need to tell the social worker or professionals at the child protection conference why you think this. The child protection plan is not “legally binding” in terms of allowing, stopping or restricting contact. Only a court can make a legally binding decision on this.

The social worker may ask you and your child’s father to work cooperatively and agree contact arrangements. You may feel this places you and your child at risk.  If you disagree with the contact arrangements in the child protection plan, take legal advice from a solicitor or contact either Family Rights Group’s or Rights of Women’s helplines (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).

Sometimes it is hard to see the negative impact domestic abuse is having on children. The social worker may be right that your child’s father is too violent and abusive. It may be that safe contact cannot be arranged. But this decision should be made following a specialist risk assessment. This looks at what the risks are. Whether they can be managed in any way. And explains what the person doing the assessment thinks will be a safe plan for contact.

The social worker may be very worried:

• That by allowing contact your child/children will be put at risk
• About whether you can manage safe contact arrangements even if you have support from family and friends
• Contact might be harmful or damaging for the child/children.

Your child may have witnessed or heard violence and abuse. They may be more afraid of their father than you realise.

Still, it can also be damaging to children not to have a relationship with their father and some mothers who have experienced domestic violence still want to allow their children to have contact, or keep in touch, with their father. Your child’s father can pursue contact independently. He can get independent advice on this, and even apply to court for contact, so the courts decide.

It is important that you follow this agreement but if you are unhappy with it contact the social worker and ask them to clarify what they are asking for and why. It is a good idea to ask them to confirm it to you in writing as well. If the social worker is worried that unsupervised contact may place your children at risk they may start child protection enquiries.

You can also check if your child’s social worker plans to do more of an assessment of your family’s needs, and let the social worker know what you think would help you and your family.

If you do not accept that your child would be at risk as a result of unsupervised contact with their father, you need to ask the social worker what steps they think need to happen for unsupervised contact to be resumed. You could challenge the agreement or withdraw consent, but it is strongly recommended that you first seek advice so you are clear about the potential consequences, including steps children’s services may then take.

Keep in mind that even if the social worker feels contact is good for your child, the social worker does not have the legal authority to insist on contact against your wishes. The social worker is making a recommendation and this should be based on what the social worker thinks is best for your child, taking into account their wishes and feelings. But only a court can order you to allow or arrange to contact.

If you have a solicitor, you should discuss this with them. You can apply to a court to stop contact between your child and their father. If you don’t have a solicitor, you should try to get further advice (see Domestic abuse: getting further help) but you can also make the application yourself – contact the office of your local family court about what you need to do.

If there are no legal proceedings, or you are advised by a solicitor that you do not have enough evidence to ask the court order to stop contact, talk to your social worker again about your concerns. Try to agree safer contact arrangements, for example supervised contact, and contact that does not involve you seeing your abuser face to face. Ask the social worker if the arrangements can be reviewed regularly, to address any problems that may come up.

If you have insecure immigration status, you are still entitled to protection from domestic abuse, just like anyone else in the UK. Your abuser will also be subject to the same sanctions as anyone else, whatever his or her immigration status. You can contact the police, or a domestic abuse helpline.

Non-molestation orders are a type of Family Court order used to protect survivors of domestic violence. A non-molestation order can state clearly the abuser must not:

• Be violent or threaten violence towards you or any children in your family, or harass, pester or intimidate you in any different ways (including, for example, by text message);
• Come within a certain distance of your home (if the abuser has a legal right to occupy the home then you will need to apply for an occupation order; or
• Damage or dispose of your belongings.

Can I apply?

To apply, your need to be an associated person. This means associated with your abuser. The law says that you are an associated person if you:

• Are or were married or in a civil partnership
• Are or were engaged to be married or had agreed to form a civil partnership
• Are or were living together (this includes same-sex and opposite-sex couples)
• Live or have lived in the same household (but not as a tenant, boarder, lodger or employee)
• Are relatives, including: parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren, siblings, uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews or first cousins (whether by full-blood, half-blood, marriage, civil partnership or cohabitation)
• Are parents of the same child
• Have or have had parental responsibility for the same child
• Are parties to the same family proceedings for the same child or
• Are or were in an intimate personal relationship of significant duration.

When deciding whether to grant the order, the court will consider all of your circumstances. This includes the need to secure the health, safety and well-being of you and any children.

If the abuser does anything to break the terms of a non-molestation order, they can be arrested by the police. They can be charged for committing a criminal offence. If they are found guilty they can be punished by up to 5 years in prison and / or a fine.

You can also apply to the court which made the non-molestation order for your abuser to be put in prison.

For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.

An Occupation Order is a Family Court order which says who can live in the family home. An occupation order can order the abuser to:

• Move out of the home or to stay away from the home;
• Keep a certain distance away from the home;
• Stay in certain parts of the home at certain times (for example, it can order him to sleep in a different bedroom);
• Allow you back into the home if he has locked you out;
• Continue to pay the mortgage, rent or bills.

In order to apply for an occupation order you must:

• Have a legal or beneficial interest in a property that was (or was intended to be) the home you shared with the person that you are associated with (see definition above); or
• Be a former spouse, civil partner or cohabitee of the person you are applying for the order against and this is (or was previously) your home.

When deciding whether to grant an occupation order the court will consider various factors including:

• The housing needs and resources of you, the abuser and any children;
• The financial resources of you both; the likely effect any order, or not making an order, will have on you, the abuser and any children; and
• Your and the abuser’s behaviour to one another.

The court may also look at the harm that you and any child might suffer if the order is not granted. And the harm that the respondent (the abuser) and any child might suffer if it is.

The type of occupation order you can apply for depends on your legal rights in respect of the property and on the type of relationship you have with the abuser. The court can make both a non-molestation order and an occupation order at the same time if it is appropriate.

For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.

If you have no relationship with your abuser and never have had, then you may be able to obtain protection under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 which makes it a criminal offence to harass someone or make them fear that violence will be used against them.

• Harassment is a course of conduct that is deliberately intended to cause a person distress or alarm.
• A course of conduct is two or more incidents of harassment. An incident of harassment could be a text, a letter or email, a comment or threat, standing outside someone’s house, or an act of violence.
• Putting someone in fear of violence is a course of conduct (see above) that causes another person to fear that violence will be used against them.

If you think you are being harassed by someone, you can report it to the police who may be able to take action against the person responsible.

If that person is prosecuted, but later found not guilty of an offence of harassment, the criminal courts can also make a restraining order if they consider it is necessary to protect you/the victim from further harassment. A restraining order can stop the abuser from doing anything set out in the order including using or threatening violence, communicating with you/ the victim (by phone or email) or going to certain places.

You can also apply for a restraining order yourself by making an application to the civil court. This may be important if you cannot apply for a non-molestation order because you are not associated to your abuser

For further information, see Rights of Women’s Guide to Domestic Violence Injunctions.

This notice lasts for 48 hours and forbids the abuser from:

• Molesting you
• Entering your home, or
• Coming within a certain distance of your home.

The notice can only be made if you are associated with the abuser (see the dropdown on Non-Molestation Order) for details of what it means to be associated.

A senior police officer has the power to issue a DVPN if they have reasonable grounds to believe:

• There has been violence or threat of violence and
• The DVPN is necessary to protect you.

Before a Domestic violence protection notice (DVPN) ends, the police must apply to the magistrates’ court for a DVPO if they want to continue to protect you.

The court will make the DVPO if:

• you are associated with the abuser (see dropdown on Non-Molestation Order)
• it is satisfied it is more likely than not that the perpetrator has been violent or has threatened violence towards you; and
• the DVPO is necessary to protect you from violence or the threat of violence.

This type of order:

• Must be applied for within 48 hours of a DVPN being issued
• Can last for between 14 to 28 days.

The DVPN will forbid the abuser from molesting you or from entering or coming within a certain distance of your home.

A DVPO

DVPOs and DVPNs only apply to people who are associated to each other (see the dropdown on Non-Molestation Order).

This type of court order can be used to protect a person being forced into marriage. It can protect someone already in a forced marriage.

A forced marriage is when someone is made to enter the marriage without their free and full consent. Force includes using threats or other psychological means. It can include, for example, threats to harm you if you don’t enter the marriage. Or telling you that you will bring dishonour to the family if the marriage doesn’t happen.

Forced marriage is different to arranged marriage where families are involved in selecting a partner but it is up each individual in the couple to decide whether or not to enter the marriage.

The terms of the FMPO will depend upon the circumstances of the case. The order can, for example, order someone to:

• Hand over passports and other travel documents
• Stop intimidation and violence
• Reveal the whereabouts of a person
• Stop someone being taken abroad.

The following people can apply for a FMPO:

• Anyone at risk of forced marriage/or has been forced into a marriage
• A ‘relevant third party’ (i.e. a Local Authority)
• Any other person who is given permission (leave) by the court.

Forcing a person into marriage is a criminal offence. If  your abuser is found guilty of this they can be sentenced to up to 7 years in prison.

Breaching a forced marriage protection order is a criminal offence. If your abuser is found guilty of this they can be sentenced to prison for up to 5 years.

A child arrangements order is an order which sets out:

1. who a child is to live, spend time or otherwise have contact with, and
2. when a child is to live, spend time or otherwise have contact with any person.

Child arrangements orders have replaced what were previously known as contact orders and residence orders.

A prohibited steps order can be used to stop a parent (or someone with parental responsibility) for doing something.  For example, it can be used to forbid a parent from taking the child abroad or changing a child’s name.

A specific issue order can be used to determine a specific issue that is in dispute between parents or people with parental responsibility. This might include, for example, which school the child is to attend or whether they should have a particular medical treatment.

When deciding whether to grant any of the above orders the child’s welfare will be the court’s most important consideration.

The court will presume that it is best for any child to have both parents involved in their life, unless there is good reason not to. Involvement can mean many things and does not have to include face to face contact with the child.

You are still entitled to protection from domestic violence and abuse. You must get help if you or your child’s safety is at risk. Contact the police, a domestic abuse helpline or children’s services.

You may be able to remain in the UK. It is important that you know your legal rights. Speak to an immigration legal adviser as soon as you can. If you have been in the UK for over 2 years, you may qualify for indefinite leave to remain. If not, you could be eligible for a Destitution Domestic Violence (DDV) concession if you meet the following criteria:

• You entered the UK as the partner of a British Citizen, or a person settled in the UK;
• You were spouses, civil partners, unmarried or same-sex partners; and
• You are a victim of domestic violence.

You may qualify for benefits to support you in the short-term. Jobseeker’s allowance, income support and housing benefit may be available. Some domestic abuse charities provide housing to keep you safe. It is important you get the help you need (see Domestic abuse: getting further help).

Threats of this kind are common in domestic violence situations. It’s very important to contact either the police or children’s services quickly any time you feel at risk. Or that your child is at risk. They should make sure you then get some support to keep you and your child safe.

If you are worried about your immigration status, then contact a domestic violence helpline and/or a specialist immigration advice service. Go to Domestic abuse: getting further help for details.

If you are worried about your immigration status then, contact a domestic abuse helpline who should be able to help you get the right advice for your situation. Go to Domestic abuse: getting further help for details.

When an assessment is carried out, professionals will want to share information about the child and family between themselves. This is to help them really understand the child’s needs.  The Government has issued guidance on this called Information Sharing Guidance.  It applies to practitioners such as social workers, health care practitioners and teachers. It says how and when confidential information can be shared to protect children at risk of harm.

The general rule is a family’s information should not be shared without the parent or carer’s agreement. Or without the child’s agreement (where they are mature enough to understand). But if information needs to be shared to keep a child safe and well, then the social worker will be able to do this.

Many parents find this difficult. It may help if you discuss with the social worker why they want to speak with a certain person. You may then be able to agree how this can best happen. For example, you may want to limit what information the social worker gives to the other person about you and your family. The social worker should talk to you about this. It is usually best if you co-operate as much as you can.

But it is also important to understand that in domestic abuse situations, it may be necessary for professionals to share information about your family between themselves. This can happen even without your agreement if the social worker (or another professional) considers it necessary to protect you or your children. For example, your case may already have been referred to a MARAC (multi agency risk assessment conference) .But all the agencies attending that conference will sign a confidentiality agreement, so that they cannot share that information with anyone else outside the meeting.

Members of your wider family do not normally have a right to information about your or your child’s personal circumstances. However, if members of your wider family could offer you and your child more help and support and/or if they might be involved in caring for your child if you are unable to, the social worker may want to share information with them to see how they can help. In this situation, you should discuss with the social worker what information they would like to share, and if possible, reach an agreement with them about this.

If the social worker thinks that there is a risk that your child may need to live elsewhere, it will help the process if you can agree on who can be provided with information. The social worker may also suggest that a family group conference be held. This is a family-led planning meeting. It can be a good way for wider family to be involved in making plans for the children. If you think a family group conference would help, you can ask the social worker to make a referral for one. See our Family group conferences: advice for families page for more information.

Your child’s father has a right to information about his child. Where there has been domestic violence in your new relationship, it is reasonable for him to have concerns about the safety of his children.

If the social worker considers your child to be at risk from the abuser and they believe that sharing information with the child’s father will reduce this risk, they will be justified in sharing the information.

But, information should be limited to what is necessary – so it does not mean that the social worker should share all the information they have with your children’s father, particularly if it relates to things that have happened a long time ago.

You should discuss with your child’s social worker what information they think should be shared and why. If you disagree, you should also ask the social worker to put in writing to you what information they plan to release, and why. If you are not happy with this, you can make a complaint.

The Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme – also known as Clare’s Law – has been introduced in all police forces in England and Wales. This scheme enables you to make enquiries about your partner if you are worried, they may have been violent or abusive in the past.

If police checks show that:

• Your partner has a record of violent and/or abusive offences, or
• There is other information to indicate you or your children may be at risk from your partner

the police will consider sharing this information with you.

The scheme aims to help you to make a more informed decision about your relationship and whether to continue it.  It provides help and support when making that choice.

You can make an application to police about your partner if you have a concern that they may harm you. The police force in your area can provide details about how to make the application. To ask about the scheme you can to your nearest police station. Or telephone the police on 101.