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To speak to an adviser, please call our free and confidential advice line 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3pm, excluding Bank Holidays). Or you can ask us a question via email using our advice enquiry form.
Are you a parent, kinship carer relative or friend of a child who is involved with, or who needs the help of, children’s services in England? We can help you understand processes and options when social workers or courts are making decisions about your child’s welfare.
Our advice service is free, independent and confidential.
To speak to an adviser, please call our free and confidential advice line 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3pm, excluding Bank Holidays). Or you can ask us a question via email using our advice enquiry form.
Our online advice forums are an anonymous space where parents and kinship carers (also known as family and friends carers) can get legal and practical advice, build a support network and learn from other people’s experiences.
Our get help and advice section has template letters, advice sheets and resources about legal and social care processes. On Monday and Wednesday afternoons, you can use our webchat service to chat online to an adviser.
When I first received the news from my son that I was going to be a grandma, my heart leapt with joy. But for a year my emotions were in turmoil as children’s services became involved as, sadly, neither birth parent appeared equipped to make any decisions regarding their daughter’s upbringing and the local authority’s initial plan was for adoption.
Being kinship carer grandparents is different from being “normal” grandparents who can hand the children back at the end of the day, and grandparents who look after their grandchildren while their parents work – as they get to hand them back too.
We are the ones making all the decisions, whether related to education, upbringing or medical. We are the ones dealing with attachment disorder (which seems to affect most children who have had a rocky start in life).
We often seek out other kinship carers for support and advice partly because so much has changed since we had our own children: Notably, the education system, how to choose nurseries and schools, the curriculum and so on. Advice has changed, too, in regard to diet and lifestyle.
The main difference is that our children whom we are raising have not been with us from the word go. Our children had to settle with us – whereas our birth children were ours from conception. There was no break in attachment or bonding. This process was natural and most of us as parents didn’t need to think about it.
But just like parenting, grandparent kinship care has its ups as well as downs. The sheer pride and joy when our girl brings home a certificate of achievement, or for the many house points she has gained, the glowing school reports, the praise especially for her artistic work as she has been gifted with an amazing talent for art.
And as mainly retired people (we both have part time commitments), we can also delight in watching her grow and develop. I’ve noticed that grandparent kinship carers and the children in their care are often very close as in our case. So, we have to be careful to maintain a wider network of people especially younger people like my second cousin to help with some aspects – as they say, it takes a village to raise a child! We don’t actually have a village but we are fortunate to have my cousins and my elder son so she has a range of people from different age groups she can relate to.
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