Kin-Care a Never Ending Story?

[Minnie60]

My grandchildren came to live with me in March 09 and I retired from formal employment in April. My daughters drug/alcohol mental health problems had reached a climax after 12yrs, during which time I informally cared for her family at the expense of my health and my pocket. An arrangement was agreed with the LA and I became a Kin-Carer. The children are now stable high achievers, well socialised with great future potential...and my daughter wants them back! Since the 'voluntary arrangement' with the LA (Section 20) still stands she retains PR. This state of affairs owes much to the succession of Social Workers employed by the LA who have simply 'left me to it' but I also must take responsibility for the fact that I refuse to be an SGO or RO. Why? because during my 40's & 50's I managed my daughters health issues alone.
Mental health problems can wear you out, and wear you down like nothing else, you cannot reason where there is no reason. Normal life skills like budgeting, health and safety, household management, become the basis of constant battles to ensure that vulnerable children are not harmed. As I go into my 60's I do not want to continue with these battles, I need the support of professionals in managing my daughter ( I won't get started on CMHT, it would take too long!) The LA have to date provided the support the children and I need, and I refuse to be cut lose and return to past experience.
My daughter is an emotionally manipulate, very intelligent and deeply flawed individual my efforts to support her have been wasted, and now the children are my priority. I can no longer find employment to fund their needs, and they are accomodated with me in a different LA to the one that is currently providing for them. It is my understanding that in 3 years under an SGO our support would be at the discretion of my local LA...I am sure they will not be falling over themselves to take us on! which will impact on the security I am able to offer the children. Since both are very academic I am not inclined to jepordise their chances of support in Higher Education.
Deep down I would love to be free of all the 'assessments', and intrusions not to mention the endless reviews and reports, but I must remain pragmatic and look to the future in a clear and objective manner. I remain a Kin-Carer because I believe it to be in the best interests of my grandchildren, yet why do I constantly feel the need to justify my decision?

[Robin D]

Hi Minnie.

While yours is a quite a tale, the underlying theme is a very familiar story. It's difficult enough giving up much to care for our families, but it certainly seems that many of struggle more with 'the authorities', and with the parents than we ever do with the children themselves. I certainly don't see you need to justify your decisions thus far. No-one has the benefit of 20:20 foresight, and we all take decisions at the time based on what we believe will be best for the children. I don't believe those decisions are ever wrong. It's just sometimes future events make us think that we might have got them better. That's called hindsight.

Yes the passage of time marches on, but it sounds as though your grandchildren are doing very well, so give yourself a pat on the back and then ask yourself what the alternative for these children would have been? Frightening!

Good luck ...... Robin