Contact

[Nana]

We currently have an SGO for our 5 year old g/son and are in the process of applying for an SGO for his brother (8 months) who is currently in foster care, which to date is going well and we have been told (off the record by the Guardian) that he will be placed with us.

Problem being.....we have a defined contact order on the older g/son which states Father has monthly contact for up to 2 and a half hours at our home and supervised by us. Maternal family because of their inconsistancy before and during proceedings were given no direct contact but post box contact twice yearly. In the 3 years since the SGO was granted they have not once replied...

Maternal G/parents have kept up with their contact with latest grandson although it has at times been a little sporadic(i.e them cancelling at short notice) and supervising officer has expressed some concerns at the lack of their ability to meet his basic needs i.e when distressed they don't think to check his nappy or if he needs a drink etc.The Grandfather has not attended for a number of weeks as he is working away from home. (Grandmother is not a blood relative but a step grandmother) Mother after not attending any contacts for months has suddenly decided to start again just last week. (all current contacts including ours are currently supervised in a contact centre).

SW is proposing once baby is placed with us that they should have contact for 6 hours on a Saturday at their home and that Mother can join in with that contact and be supervised by them....they also want to vary the contact order on our older grandson and include him in this contact and it appears that the Guardian agrees with this.

I have huge concerns over this, how can 2 LA's make such conflicting decisions? How will it look to older g/son's LA if we are seen to be agreeing to a change in their decisions just 3 years down the line when there has been no significant change (apart from it getting worse) with Mothers lifestyle. How can they say that maternal family should have more contact than Father when during the whole time he has always remained consistant with his contact with our oldest grandson? I am worried that if contact is introduced with the 5 year old and they become inconsistant (which I believe is what will happen) of the affect this could have on him but at the same time can't see it being fair that the youngest does have contact but the older one doesn't (that in itself would cause a level of distress/jealousy between 2 brothers). None of the maternal family have ever bothered to have the order 'varied' but the LA involved are looking into doing this. It goes against every bone in my body that they should be allowed to suddenly have contact without supervision with either of my grandsons but I do not want to be seen as being obstructive as I'm more than aware of the benefits contacts with family members can have for our children but they are in effect strangers to the eldest boy as he is to them.

My Solicitor is on holiday so I'm hoping someone can advise me....

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Nana,

Thank you for posting. I’m sorry you are having such a distressing time.

First of all, what I would say is that there is a difference between being obstructive and putting the interests of the children first. Likewise, you cannot be held responsible for the differing views of the two LA’s. Also, although the LA might be putting forward the view of varying the contact, if it is recorded in an order, then only the court can make the decision to vary it.

The concerns that you have set out here appear to be well thought out, child centred and based on what appears to have happened so far in terms of lack of consistency, no engagement with your 5yo grandson etc, as opposed to just opposing a change in contact for the sake of it.

I know it can be difficult when your solicitor is away but it is very difficult for me to give in-depth, specific advice about your case with only a very superficial knowledge of what is going on and without having had sight of all the documents etc. How long will your solicitor be away? Does it have any affect on the court timetable e.g. is there a hearing coming up or documents to be filed? If yes, speak to one of your solicitors colleagues. They will not have gone away without arranging for someone to deal with any urgent matters that arise on their files. If there is not, then I would recommend you speak to your solicitor about it when he/she returns.

My recommendation would be that you file a statement setting out your concerns regarding the proposed contact arrangements – if you don’t already have permission to file another statement your solicitor can seek permission to do that. Make sure your statement is reasoned and balanced, showing that you understand the benefits of contact generally but you have overwhelming concerns in these circumstances for the reasons you have already described in your post. You could start making bullet points about this now to take to your solicitor when they return.

Here is our SGO advice sheet which also addresses contact, which you might like to read through.

I hope this help and please get back in touch if you have any other questions.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Nana]

Thank you for your reply Suzie

Luckily I managed to speak to my Solicitor today who reassured me, that as you say, to have any contact order varied it would have to go before the Courts and that we of course would have to be consulted before any variation was made. She did think it was a bit remiss of the LA who wants the variation not to have consulted or asked our views on this beforehand though and intended speaking with their legal team at some point today about that she also said it should not be up to the LA to apply for any variation it really should be from the party named within the order......bearing in mind they have had the option to do that for the past 3 years and haven't bothered, I think, will allow any Judge to make an informed choice as to what is the best way forward and what is in the best interests of my grandchildren.

Thankfully although I don't presume to know everything I am a little more clued up this time around (thanks to FRG, G/PLUS and KFC) and to be honest the main frustration is the difference in how various aspects of the assessment etc are being carried out by the LA we are currently dealing with. I am also appalled that LA's themselves do not or cannot marry up all relevant information which is held on any one family and that in effect, as in our case, the Mother and other members of her family had many months of being able to tell how or what they saw the situation as being which obviously didn't include any failings on their part or for that matter any real truth! Even to the extent that they had failed to mention the very existence of our eldest grandson!! And at the same time we felt we were being 'judged' for want of a better word as interfering without good reason!
We did agree to the release of the Court bundle held on our older Grandson but even then it still took months before 'someone' took the time to read it and realise that perhaps we were infact telling the truth whereas the other family were not!!

There is a directions hearing this Friday 23rd and the final hearing is set for January, I can't however see this happening especially as there are going to be issues surrounding contact. I have already done as you suggested and made a statement pointing out my concerns (worked on it this weekend and gave it to my Solicitor today) and I also have a bullet point list of conditions that we would like put into any defined contact order should the maternal family be allowed unsupervised contact which if the LA really has the best interests of the children at heart really should not happen.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Nana,

Thanks for letting me know what happened. I’m glad you managed to get in touch with your solicitor and your concerns have been allayed.

Hope the directions hearing goes smoothly on Friday and you have a lovely Christmas with your Grandson.

Best wishes

Suzie