Contact Order

[David Roth]

Hi Irene

There is no period after which a contact order expires, so in theory it remains in place until the young person reaches 18.

In practice however the parties can agree among themselves to vary the order. A letter from mum's solicitor certainly demonstrates that reducing contact was what she wanted. If a pattern develops of mum not showing up to even the reduced level of contact, then it would be reasonable of you to reduce to the level that you think she can cope with, and let her know that if she shows she can handle that then maybe it could be increased again. If you are able to have this sort of discussion with her, then it could be an idea to explain that she is obviously finding contact difficult to manage for now, so you are going to reduce it to a more manageable level for her, but if that works out OK maybe she could be given some extra contacts when she's ready for them. The main aim, of course, is for contact not to become something that upsets or confuses the girls.

I wonder if you were thinking about going back to court in order to have the contact order dissolved? This would certainly have the advantage of giving you full legal right to make decisions about contact, until of course the girls become old enough to make their own decisions. However, there would be a risk that it could set off a conflict with mum, that she might not otherwise have thought of entering into - some people will react to being taken to court by fighting. You will know best whether that is likely to happen in your case.

It might be best to proceed by agreement as far as possible. If mum doesn't like the new arrangement and wants to take it back to court, she won't have much evidence to support any contention that you are denying contact, if in fact there is a letter from her own solicitor asking for it to be reduced and then she has not been showing up even for that contact.

I know this is a really sensitive issue, and it is very important to get contact right for everyone, the children in particular. Good luck!

[Help 1870]

Thats the problem with these orders, they are very much a one way street. the order 'forces' you to comply with the conditions and imposes (if you like) punishments on you if you dont. the parents however are not forced in any way to stick to the terms of it and if they dont, other than further reducing the contact that they are already not taking advantage of, there is nothing anyone can do about it.

hardly seems fair does it.