Revoking our SGO

[ozzy3396]

I just wondered if anyone could give me a piece of advice please .
We ( myself & my wife ) were granted a SGO a year ago for our beautiful grand daughter . She is now 2 years old. Nothing has changed in our care and love for our grand daughter . We lead the same lifestyle as before , absolutely nothing is different here . Just a normal middle aged couple ( mid 40s) getting on with life and loving our grandchild.
When we were granted the order it stated mum and dad should see their child twice a week. Once at ours and once at their flat , if home conditions were suitable , which would be decided by us. It also said contact to be agreed by all parties ( times etc ) Babys mum and dad have learning difficulties and could not look after baby properly and also could not maintain their home to a clean and safe standard.
After 6 months we used our PR and stopped home visits due to poor home conditions and safety concerns. We found things like , a box of matches in her cot . Pain killers with her toys . Lighters on the floor. Carrier bags in the playpen . We also had to tidy nearly every week before dropping baby off at theirs. On the day we finally agreed to stop home visits i was threatened with violence by my son when i said baby could not stay at the flat that day.
Since then we have driven our grand daughter into town once a week so her parents can spend afew hours with her and this also allows her other grand parents contact , the flat is out of bounds. Recently though the question of the flat rose again. They asked if she could go over and we said no. We found out by checking a couple of months ago that our grand daughters mum had taken her there against our wishes , she apologised and said this would not happen again. So as to allow contact with the other G Parents we said ok but never do it again. We then got a message from them the other day saying they were going to court to get her back through the courts and once they did we would be cut off from her life , if we did not let her back to the flat. We stuck to our guns and said no. And now have said to them contact from now on should be here , as winter is on its way and because we do not want to chance them taking our grand daughter to their flat again.
My son came over yesterday and was abusive to his mum . I asked him to leave and when he finally left he grabbed my by the throat.
I just wondered if anyone has good through the process of a revoke, and how the process is done . ie decisions made and by who. Sorry it was soooo long winded ! Any advice would be welcomed . Thankyou

[Robin D]

Hi Ozzy and welcome.

The point of an SGO is to provide permanence for the child, so the first hurdle they will have to overcome is to persuade the court that something significant has changed to allow them to apply.

Even if they get through that hurdle, CAFCASS will be asked to do a report as I'm sure you would contest the application.

A key thing is to make sure you keep a detailed diary of events.It can be absolutely vital.

I'm assuming that the local authority were involved at the time of the placement? If so, get back in contact with them and let them know what is happening. I would also say that if Dad goes for you or anyone else, you should be calling the police as this provides some evidence of his behaviour. He may well scarper before they arrive, but it will get logged. If you had marks on your throat, that would have been noted. Where was the child when this happened, did she witness it? If so, make a note of it.

All that said, I'm 99% certain that the threat to go back to court is bluff and bluster to get you to weaken. We've nearly all be there and these forums are littered with other carers who have been thus threatened. Only a tiny proportion of them end up back in court, and an even tinier number end up with a SGO being overturned, although there have been several RO's. (Not actually sure I can remember if any on here but I could be wrong.)

Best wishes ....... Robin

[ozzy3396]

Thanks for replying.
Yes the LA were involved , they asked us if we would be guardians and payed for the all the legal fees. Nothing has changed with us or with them . We have kept a record of events over the past year but my son has already said he will just say we are telling lies. Although in our diary it only has events that childrens services said might happen .
As for threat of court , well we are pretty sure they are going to try as the other grand parents are paying or so we are lead to believe . They opposed the SGO from the beginning and adviced the parents to try to put their child into care. Luckily they did not get their way.
Our grand daughter did witness her father attack me and for the first time in months i sat up with her until nearly 4am as she would not sleep. Thankyou for the replies. It takes the edge off the stress just knowing i can let of steam ! So thankyou .

[David Roth]

Hi ozzy3396, and welcome to Family Rights Group's discussion forum for family and friends carers.

Thank you for writing a full description of your circumstances, and please don't worry about writing a long post - I'm sure there is a lot you could tell. It sounds very difficult and distressing that you are being confronted by your own son in this violent way, and not being supported by the other grandparents.

However, painful as it is, it is sadly not unusual for the parents of children who are being raised by family and friends carers to react by being hostile to the carers. I hope it is helpful to hear from other carers who have been through similar situations.

Both Robin and Irene have given good advice, including:

• - inform the local authority which placed the child. Many local authorities have a special guardianship support service, and some run support groups for these carers
  - inform the police if your son assaults you - for some people this may go against the grain, but the bottom line is that grabbing you by the throat, in front of his daughter, is unacceptable behaviour, and a visit by the police might help him to understand that you are not on your own
  - revoking the SGO is, as Robin described, not an easy process. Before they even get to court, they would need to show there had been a significant change in circumstances since the order was made, which by the sound of things would not be easy for them to do
  - the whole question of their future contact with your granddaughter needs to be reconsidered after his attack on you. The local authority may be able to help you to make sure it can take place safely, for you and the child. It might be preferable for contact to take place in a neutral venue such as a contact centre, with a contact supervisor present, if it is to go ahead at all. Local authorities can sometimes help to provide these facilities.

At least you were able to offer your granddaughter comfort and reassurance after she had witnessed his assault on you.

[ozzy3396]

Thankyou for all the replies . I assure you all we will take your advice.

I would just like to say to anyone reading this thinking about or going through the process . Do not think our situation is the norm . Even with all our problems with the parents it is still worth it . We have a beautiful grand daughter who we both adore and who in turn shows us so much love. There really is more pro's than con's.
If only the parents would behave as well as their daughter we would not have these problems.