Already have an SGO, should we go for adoption

[MjMMM]

Hi

We have an SGO on our great-granddaughter. She is 6. She has lived with us since 2010 and the SGO was granted April 2011. The mother voluntarily put our fairy into care after neglecting her for at least 8 months. She has since regretted doing this and constantly says things like "the SGO is unstable" and "I don't know why the fairy is living with them when she could be with me as I am quite capable of looking after my other children".

At the time the SGO was put into place the mother had another child living with her, so contacts were set at 12 per year (8 face-to-face). Also 12 per year for the father (who has not been involved with the mother since the fairy was born and is not the father of her other child) his were set at 4 face-to-face and the rest letterbox. Since the SGO was put in place he has not had any contact at all.

Over a year ago we went to mediation with the mother to reduce her contacts down to 2 per year as the fairy was distressed after each visit and was constantly in trouble at school for poor behaviour kicking, screaming etc. We did not take this decision lightly or in anyway out of malice, it was done with the agreement of the mother through mediation after both CAMHS and SS recommended we re-evaluate it.

The 2nd child (L) spends every weekend with her paternal grandmother. The lady is lovely and has gone out of her way to ensure the fairy and L can spend quality time together and build a really fabulous sisterly relationship. We see them once a month and the girls (aged 6 and 4) adore each other.

The mother has now gone on to have a 3rd child by another father. The pregnancy and new baby has caused huge amounts of upset for the fairy who cannot understand why mummy didn't keep her but has almost immediately had another child. Now the mother is saying that as we wont see the third child more than twice a year, she doesn't want the other two seeing each other either. The first excuse she gave was that we had been bad-mouthing the mother to the fairy and she didn't want us doing that to L. The second excuse was that it wasn't fair to the new baby. The third excuse she gave was that the new father is putting a stop to it (despite him not being the father of the second child). The fourth excuse is that L is in a terrible state the following day after seeing us and has bad reactions and bad behaviour. She used the exact same words SS used for recommending we cut her contacts down. The grandmother says these are all lies and that L doesn't have any adverse reaction to seeing us. Why would she?

We are now wondering if we should go to court for an adoption order instead and just be done with it all. We both feel we are constantly on high alert waiting for something to blow up. We went to court a year after the SGO and got the fairy's surname changed. The mother objected (even though it wasn't her surname) but after 3 court dates, she finally gave in - after the father asked why he had to be there when he didn't care, and it became very apparent the court were going to grant it as it was so very important to the fairy. The mother used legal aid at the time, which I understand is no longer available to her.

Our solicitor and the friends & family team of SS have said we should just go for the adoption and then we can stop worrying about everything as then it cannot blow up in our faces whenever the mother (or possibly at some point, the father) decide they want something different.

My question is, why would the court grant an adoption order when we already have an SGO? What would they be looking for us to prove? Is the constant threat of being taken to court enough for them to grant it? As the mother cannot get legal aid now, will the judge look more favourably on her being unable to afford a solicitor? Our solicitor has suggested it will cost us in the region of £12k to go to court if the mother fights us all the way. I doubt we can get help paying this, so I want to be sure we will get the result we want before we put all of us through it.

The fairy is much better since the contacts have been reduced right down, in that it is only twice a year that school have a horrible few weeks of poor, out of control behaviour. At home she has nightmares for a week or so after contact but during the day the behaviour is fine as she just wants lots of cuddles and reassurance that we are a family forever. At six years old, she even asked what would happen to her if some bad men took my husband and me away, where would she live, who would look after her. It is heartbreaking having her worry so much and we have reassured her my sister would take her in if something really bad happened.
She has written to her mother a couple of times asking her to make sure she looks after L and the new baby properly and has given full examples of things she must not do - including she must not lock them in their bedrooms, she must feed them healthy food, she must take them to the park and school etc etc. The mother is 22 years old now, so this 3rd child will not be her last I am sure.

The other family members never ask about the fairy. They request a face-to-face contact maybe twice a year, then turn up and talk to each other whilst the fairy plays with my husband and I. The fairy never asks or mentions any of the family except L. I am sure if we asked her if she would like to see mummy more, she might well say yes, but the behaviour in school means this is not an option as she becomes so out of control.

Sorry for such a long post but I really felt I needed to give all the facts.

Would appreciate all points of view. Many thanks

[MjMMM]

Thank you for your help and advice. I very much appreciate it.

SS told us that the SGO was originally bought in for older children, where the child already has a firm and strong relationship with family members and would be hesitant to want to give that up. They told us it was never designed for children under the age of about 10.
We do not have any relationship at all with that side of the family other than the contacts, so whilst in law, our fairy will become her mum's great aunt, the truth is that she will never really have anything to do with her until she's an adult and it is up to her.

If we don't go for the adoption, is there anything we can do to prevent having to constantly live in threat from one or other birth parent? Social Services (now childrens services) advised us verbally to just act like we have adopted her and make decisions based as if she was our child. If we did that, I think we would find ourselves in court with the nan and the great-gran (hubby's ex-wife) as well as the birth parents as they are all angry with us for one reason or another.
The nan and great-gran tried to take SS to court because they wanted contact when it suited them and not in-line with what was best with the fairy. obviously they got nowhere, but I'm sure it wouldn't stop them trying it with us.

[David Roth]

Hi MjMMM, and welcome to the family and friends carers' discussion forum.

You say you are considering adopting your great-granddaughter, who is currently under a specal guardianship order, and you would like some views. I can't really say what would or would not be best, but hopefully I can comment on some of the information you have provided.

I am afraid I can't give you any reassurances about what the likely outcome would be if you apply to adopt. In previous cases where there has been a choice between these two options, where a child is in the care of a relative, the courts have been very clear that each case will be decided on its own merits, based on which order will best serve the welfare of the child. However, although this means that relatives will not automatically be given SGO and refused adoption, the courts have given weight to factors Irene mentioned, ie that adoption risks 'skewing the relationships within the family' (as it is described in one judgment), which could be a problem later if mum's relationship with the rest of her family does improve later on in life.

The social worker was not being completely accurate in saying 'SGO was originally bought in for older children'. Special guardianship was originally introduced to benefit a number of groups of children:
- children in long-term foster care, whose foster carers wanted to keep them under a legal order but did not want to adopt them, perhaps because they still had ties with their familes. These children are likely to be older.
- children being raised by relatives. There is no prior assumptions about the age these children were likely to be.
- unaccompanied minors - children who had entered the UK perhaps as refugees without their parents, and were to be raised by members of their own community
- some Muslims who could provide children with permanence were opposed to adoption on religious grounds, because it was not in accordance with their beliefs about inheritance.

In the event, it is an order that has been taken up by family and friends carers far more than by any of the other target groups.

If you are going to discuss this with a lawyer, I would suggest the lawyer check out the following relevant case precedents:
S v. B and Newport City Council (Family Law March 2007) (Hedley J) Family Division 27 July 2006
Re S (Adoption order or special guardianship order) [2007] EWCA Civ 54 C/A Times, February 9, 2007 [2007] 1 FLR 819

[MjMMM]

Thank you for all your advice. We will go and see a solicitor when we get back from our summer holidays and have a chat with them.

Our previous solicitor says the court will immediately ask SS to report on whether or not an adoption order should be made, and it is SS that is saying we should apply, so fingers crossed this is right. Anyway, we will make appointments to go and see two new/different solicitors for a free half hour consultation with each and get their take on it all before deciding whether or not to go ahead and apply.
I will keep you all posted.
Thank you