Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

My husband and I are sg's to our gd for nearly 5 yrs since she was 11 mths. Contact suggested by la to the judge at final hearing which neither BP attended was 4x a year the judge explained to us that we could change this according to what was in our gd's best interest. The only thing in writing on the sgo is the possibility of the la giving financial assistance if we need an injunction against either BP due to Bf coming to the house and police needing to be called.

Bm never attended contact so now suspended. Bf not missed since f2f resumed when gd was nearly 2 (final hearing was a Feb 2020 so a month prior to lockdown.) At the 1st f2f she was deeply triggered and very uncomfortable with him and wobbly afterwards. Next time similar and the next time We decided if this didn't improve that we'd review it but with our support she's now ok although some bad nights afterwards.

His behaviour at contact has improved, initially he was very volatile and threatened my husband a couple of times but recently claims no longer dealing drugs and
he no longer stinks of weed but he boasted at his last contact that he now grows magic mushrooms.

He's always asked for more contact at the end of each visit.

At one point we increased it to 6x a year but then found out about an allegation of sexual abuse to his 2 siblings when they were younger so we reduced it back to 4x a year. Naturally we find it very difficult supervising him seeing her at contact due to these allegations but have continued with contact for her sake. The LA have told us contact must never be unsupervised.

He accuses us of preventing her from having a relationship with her father and demanding more access. His claim that we're preventing their relationship simply isn't true, the only reason they have one at all is due to how hard we've worked to support it. Also, If not for the sgo she'd have been put up for adoption.

Last week he texted demanding more contact again, I replied that we were not comfortable with more than the courts suggestion.

We have always used the court as the authority re contact quantity, but he phoned the la and spoke to a sw who literal threw us under the bus by telling him it was up to us to increase it!

Then yesterday he texted that he was going to take us to court to get more access to her but we'd need to have mediation 1st to which we agreed.

I just don't see what he's expecting, he won't ever be able to see her unsupervised and we are who she sees as her parents who love her and keep her safe.

We've worked so hard therapeutically parenting her to help her overcome the trauma her bp's caused and she's doing really well, but it's an ongoing process with many challenges.

My question is what the likelihood is of him being allowed to take us to court and if they're likely to force us to increase.

Dear BCL71,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Kinship Carers’ Forum.

My name is Suzie, and I am an online adviser responding to your post today.

I’m sorry to hear how stressful negotiating the level of contact has become. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to boost your child’s emotional wellbeing and support rthe contact with her birth father. You have been prepared to deal with setbacks and challenges in the past and are being called upon to do so again.

It’s good to read your positive comments about the changes the birth father has made and the way you are helping your daughter to manage the contact. You seem to completely understand the importance of her maintaining a relationship her birth father. You also explain that you are heeding the advice from children’s services on contact being supervised and are prepared to address any risk.

It's also great to hear that you have agreed to mediation, and it may be that this will give you and the birth father more time and opportunity to resolve this matter.

You write that a social worker has recently informed the birth father that as special guardians you have the scope to increase the contact. The court gave you a recommendation on the level of contact which you have kept to. As you judge that it is not the right time to increase contact you want to know if you are within your rights to make this decision on whether the birth father can challenge the existing contact arrangements in court.

Before making a special guardianship order, the court is required to think about whether to make a child arrangements order saying who the child should spend time with. The court does not have to make an order setting out when the child will spend time with their parents, but it is something that should have been looked at. The court will make a child arrangements order, setting out the time that the child will spend with their parent if it thinks that this is in the child’s best interests. This order can be made at the same time the special guardianship order is made. I do not know if a child arrangements order was made in your case or whether decisions on this were left to your discretion, but this is a detail you should check.

The birth father can apply for child arrangements order if after the mediation he is still not happy with the level of contact. The court can make an order for contact even if you as special guardians do not agree, but it would have to be satisfied that an increase was safe and, in the child’s best interests. You can read more about this area in the Family Rights Group advice sheet for parents of children in special guardianship here

You can also read about practical and financial support for special guardians from children’s services here
As children’s services have made it clear to you that all the contacts should be supervised due to the risks involved you should ask for their support in managing this situation, and access to advice should the birth father make an application to court.

I hope that the mediation session goes well and helps you and the birth father to come to agreement on current and future contact. It might be useful to consider other forms of contact for the birth father – such as letters and telephone calls as well as the face to face. However, I imagine you have already thought about this.

You are dealing with this situation in a sensitive, child-focused way and I wish you well in your next steps.

Best wishes,
Suzie