Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Hi! New here.

So it’s a little difficult to get into specifics as it’s an on going situation though it’s coming to an end.

So, I was contacted by a SW and told “you might be the father to a boy who is possibly looking at being put up for adoption as mother is unable to care for him correctly. Are you willing to do a DNA test?”

I of course said yes.

As it happens he does indeed belong to me. (Yay)
Soon as we knew he was mine I was very quickly asked about family members who I could put fourth also.

Unfortunately that was the end of the good feelings. And the emotional rollercoaster began.

The SW is not very communicative with me, I was told I could not show pictures of my child to friends, I do not get told about visits to the doctors or anything concerning him.

My parenting assessment is somewhat contradictory. On the parenting side I’m good. On the SW opinion of me, not so much. I’m adult I will own my mistakes past and present. A handful of times she would either make a date for the assessment and then go on “leave”, I have written notes from the local contact centre stating that and how they could not reach her on that occasion so it did get under my skin a little. she would leave it till last minute and change the date. This SW know I have ADHD and live a distance away, I live by routine I’m a functioning ADHD adult I live alone take good care of myself and my home.

Many times she would “prod and poke” to get a certain reaction from me, which 90% of the time I kept cool and once I had unfortunately let my emotions take the “wheel”.

She’s added a couple of things in my assessment which do paint me in a bad light but these things I have said when context is provided it is the opposite to what she’s insisting I am.

I’m not perfect. I know this very well.
When I was a teen i had my first child, we managed very well given the circumstances, even back then had never experienced SS or had them involved at any point.

So an SGO with my aunt has been put forward and although I’m happy he is not going into adoption, it’s painful to know he’s going to end up over 100 miles away I can see him once every six weeks.

Personally from day one it feels like I was never in her sights to place him with me, but instead it was either adoption or someone else.

I could go on but I do not have the time as I am off to see my little prince as I type this to you all now.

Dear B.Juice

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today.

I am sorry to hear of your situation. It must have been a shock when children’s services contacted you to inform of the situation to to ask you to take a DNA test.

Children's services explained they are were in care proceedings for a child who may be your biological son. You agreed to take the test which confirmed the child was biologically yours.

You underwent a parenting assessment which was, you say, contradictory – on the one hand, there were no concerns regarding your parenting skill, but on the other the social worker was concerned about your reactions during discussions with you. You explained you had another child during your teenage years and there were no issues. Children’s services were not involved. You feel from the beginning that children’s service did not plan to place your child with you.

The plan is for your child to placed with their paternal great aunt under a special guardianship order (SGO) . You are happy that your son is not being placed for adoption and will remain in your family but you are disappointed that he will be over 100 miles away and that contact with him will be once every six weeks.

You have concerns regarding the allocated social worker. You say her communications have been poor, that she has cancelled at late notice and has not return calls to you and professionals. You explained that you have ADHD and as such, routine is very important to you. The swapping and cancelling of agreed appointment have exacerbated this condition and your mental health wellbeing.

I will assume care proceedings are ongoing and that you have a solicitor. My advice would be to work closely with them to ensure you are fully represented within the court arena and that your views are known to the court. I have added HERE guidance we have created when working with solicitors that I hope you find helpful.

Whilst courts will make recommendations about the type and level of contact a child has with their parent when an SGO is in place, this should be viewed as flexible with the potential to adapt and change as the child grows and develops and their needs change. I have added a link HERE that you may find helpful. Please scroll to point 2(b) page 6. Here you will find further and fuller information regarding contact with your child when they are placed under an SGO arrangement.

In respect of the social worker’s communications. I would suggest you email them and their manager to raise your concerns in an attempt to improve the situation. If this is not successful you may wish to consider making a formal complaint. I have added HERE further details regarding this process.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie