Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Hello,
we are kinship carers for our 2 neices and have had a CAO since october 2022 and the parents are trying to get the children taken off of us and placed into care. we have an open case of harrassment against the birth father with the police as we recieve abuse and malicious referrals non stop. They just want their own way like we are glorified baby sitters.
They have stated several times they will make us lose the children. who are happy and thriving.
our order is bare bones lived in CAO, this order stated a shedule of expectations to be made by social services and followed around family contact and thats it.
contact is to be supervised by us in the local community not in their homes or the childrens home and held in the childrens local area except for the birth mother because she has agoraphobia, it is supposed to be held in the childrens area when she gets well enough to travel. The parents dropped their own contact immediately to half what was set by the court after social services closed, so 2 times a month for 4 hours a time for the father and the mother has no order but under the shedule it is 1 time a month for an hour gradually building up as she feels well, dropped to 1 day a month for undetermined amount of time for dad as he never does the full 4 hours. mum has built up to 2. both are stating we have cut their time and been telling the children we are making it difficult for them to see them.
the children do not want to do face time or calls, they do not wish to write letters and they are starting to not want to do contact due to some of the parents behaviours including having teeth and hair checked and commented on. They have made some upsetting comments that have needed correcting also such as not wanting to bother in the cold rain and the darker winter weather to see them and the dad could have them if he wanted but he felt it was unfair to mum..this caused alot of distress to the children. The father brings his mother to every contact and he has shouted at her and needed to be told to stop on several occassions.
The parents prefer to talk to each other during the mothers contacts which the children find boring but state they are used to it from when they lived with them.
They have cancelled more than half the contacts that they remain doing with weather and transport being used often as an issue. they refuse to hold contact earlier to allow the children to undertake activities after contact - stating they do not care about what the children want as its their time, stating they will not listen to our arbitrary rules (same days and same location set by parents children just wanted it 2 hours earlier 10.30am for the mother who just needs to cross a single road and 12pm for the father) the order states we can set the time and date and parents should just be confirming their attendance however we let them state the dates. this has caused alot of issues there fore contact has been cancelled further. they are demanding we stop taking them to fun places, demand we force them to sit and speak to them, they are stating we are not allowed to let them on rides at theme parks or take them camping or on holidays and will be getting a prohibited steps order to stop us. we have been advised by kinship voices on tightening up boundaries and not engaging the abusive and baiting emails and texts but each time they have reported to social services and got welfare checks done via the childrens school. They have not progressed nor changed in the 3 years, continue to be abusive yet want the children to be able to go into their homes, be unsupervised and have us travel to them at all times. (72 miles round trip to them with children who have sen needs and trauma memories to their area shedule states not to expect children to travel) we have now been emailed with court applications. where do we stand and what can we do? we would like to tighten up the order to be more robust and protective for the children. we only do whats in the childrens best interests. we also have our own children with high needs which the schedule of expectations was made around to understand what we could do.

I appreciate that it is a very stressful time for you, but the first thing I would say is don't panic. Making an application is a long way from persuading the judge to change the order. The court first determines if there's a 'significant change in circumstances'. You will then be asked to respond, and a First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment will be set down. In that Cafcass, or Children's Services may be asked to do a report for the court. Just make sure that you do respond when you get the opportunity. You do not need to go to the expense of a solicitor if you can write out all your experiences thoughts and concerns. The judge will then consider all the evidence and the child's wishes and feelings before making any decision.

Given the timescales you have had the children, you may wish to counter with an application for a Special Guardianship Order. For this the children need to have been with you for for three of the last five years and to not been living with you more than 3 months before the application. This would give you much more security as it allows you to exercise PR to the exclusion of others. There is a detailed DIY Special Guardianship guide at https://frg.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2 ... advice.pdf that might make useful reading. Note that you have to give notice to the Local Authority to start the process. It might be helpful if your notice had gone in before you respond to the court.

As I said, easy for me to say, but please don't panic. Many of us have been through similar threats and it was partially that and constant applications to the courts, that brought about Special Guardianship.

Suzie the FRG advisor may be along with better advice w that is likely to be more up to date than mine.

Good luck ... Robin

Dear KM2022

Welcome back to the kinship carers’ discussion board. Thank you for your post.

I am sorry to hear that contact between your nieces and their parents continues to be very problematic for you and the children. I can see that this has been going on for a long time, that the parents appear to be very demanding and under the impression that contact is solely for their benefit when in fact it is about the children’s right to a relationship with their parents.

You have had helpful advice from another experienced kinship carer. He is right to say not to panic as from the information provided you are doing your best to care for the children under the CAO and to maintain safe contact between them and their parents, although this is proving extremely difficult.

It may be a good thing that the parents have made an application to bring the matter back to court. The court is the highest forum and will focus on the children’s welfare. As you have been advised, you can and should respond. Please do not be intimidated by the threat of a prohibited steps order which seems baseless.

In a previous response I suggested that you consider applying for a Special Guardianship Order (SGO) which is a much more robust order than a CAO and could alleviate some of the difficulties that you are having. It may be worth revisiting this recommendation and as Robin says, considering applying for a SGO as part of the new court process. The advice sheet he attached sets out what is involved in this and would be a good starting point.

We are not able to provide detailed advice about private law matter, but I would suggest you contact the following organisations, who may be able to assist you with more detailed legal advice about the parents’ application and how you can respond.

• Child Law Advice. They do have a telephone helpline which you can reach on 0300 330 5480. In addition, they offer helpful information and guidance for parents/carers in your type of situation and have ‘how to’ guides that you can download for around £2 each. Please do check out their website.

• Advicenow is a website that helps you find the best information and advice for your legal problems. You can choose from a range of categories, such as
divorce and separation, child custody and residence, and more.

• Support Through Court is a charity that helps people who are going to court without a solicitor. They do not provide legal advice but do provide a range of other help .g. procedural, practical and emotional support so may be worth contacting too. Please see their contact details here .

The children are clearly affected by their parents’ behaviour and may be children in need. As children growing up in kinship care you are also able to ask children’s services to assess their needs. So please consider doing so as it sounds as if, as a family, you are all under a lot of pressure. You can find out more about child in need support here. As Robin said, the court may ask children’s services to do a report as there has been previous involvement so it may be a good idea to update them about the current situation.

If you would like emotional support for yourself as you are contending with a lot of family stresses, then the charity Family Line may be of interest to you. They offer low-level counselling, befriending and other support.

I hope that this is helpful. Please contact Family Rights Group again, by posting or using one of our other advice options linked to here as needed.

With best wishes

Suzie