Please forgive the long post as I am adding a basic timeline context
at the start of 2020 I became involved with a woman with a young child, the bio father had been exceptionally abusive to both of them and this was disclosed to me on meeting.
I am an older man who is of very large build coupled with morbid obesity and mobility issues and his own raft of issues from peer led abuse as a teenager coupled with constant high level pain.
I am also autistic who masks well.
The child has serious anxiety issues as a result of the abuse seen and received that have been exacerbated by lockdowns and the total loss of social interaction as a result.
Start of lockdown 1 I invited them to live with me as she is a NHS key worker and had no other support and would not have been able to work.
At this time she was concerned about her childs education at a private school being substandard and
during lockdown this was confirmed and a formal complaint made to the school that went effectivly ignored.
Roll on to the summer and both she and the child had settled at my home and we both tentatively discussed her living with me full time. Coupled with the above she elected to remove her child from the school and place the child in the local primary school where she has been happier and doing well and has made friends.
My partner made a disclosure to the school re bio dads behaviour and why he can not take her.
and to please inform us if she is having issues of any kind so we can take steps to help her.
We also made a disclosure as to why she was moving schools and a letter of loco parent-is for myself as the adult primarily responsible for the child during the day and also conducting the bulk of drop offs and pickups.
Towards Xmas the child was displaying some serious behaviour issues that included running into the road and nearly causing collisions on paths with myself and other adults.
This isnt tollerated and given my own health issues can cause serious harm to myself in the form of broken bones and dislocated joints and also to the child due to my size (150 kilos) so I was exceptionally stern and also when she ran infront of a moving car she was shouted at.
where the issues have started is that suddenly out of nowhere is that the school sent a MASH referal in without speaking to either of the adults based entirely on hearsay from “other parents” and on a very literal translation of a 6 year olds statements re food.
the “complaints” include
that I am “intimidating” other parents (how I dont know as I have not been able to interact with them and they have mainly ignored me and the ones that have taken the time to get to know me and family have all aid that I am like a teddy bear)
I am abusive to the child (outside of the traffic/ safety issues I am exceptionally polite to the child )
I am feeding child weeks old food (child doesnt understand deep freezing) and also force feeding the chold and not feeding . (90% of food is home cooked from scratch by myself and the child probably has one of the best diets in the school staff included)
The child calls me Daddy (true but not forced childs choice)
we are putting the child under undue pressure to perform scholastically
(not true we simply encourage to do the best they and we encourage reading as a family activity AND the child is exceptionally curious and always asking questions that we take the time to actually answer
that my asking how the childs day has been at school is making the child anxious and is somehow wrong yet its the only reason I found out the child had been attacked by another child was though asking and having a benchmark of her moods.
Also the previous school has made allegations that I am bullying and controlling my partner and child. These allegations are nothing short of lunacy and when I have 1st hand information I am looking at legal options.
The SS individual who had this case was initially very hostile but has accepted that far from the child being abused, the child is living in a clean, comfortable well appointed home where the child is given love and support and that we know how much the child is suffering and that she has pre-existing issues that we want to get helped.
I have been talking to other parents partly because I need to talk things through with somone who isnt close to this and I have hit 2 distinct issues
firstly there are parents who when asked about the head become visibly terrified and say dont cross him and then refuse to go any further but are highly distressed just at mentioning him.
and then there are 2 who have taken what I have said in confidence, twisted it and reported a highly twisted version to the school within 12 hours of it being said which has then been reported to the SS as facts.
There are also many others in the village, who I know and have known for many years, who have also warned me in detail about the head who is also the one responsible for safeguarding at the school.
the schools headteacher seems to have taken an immense dislike to me personally despite having never spoken to me prior to the mash referral being made wherein her refused to speak to me and also claimed I was being threatening when I simply asked for information.
Given his position as safeguarding lead I am concerned that he is in a position to make my and my partners life a misery through constant abuse of the referral process and also that the child will be treated differently from the other students and become isolated from the childs peers as a result of the adults being treated differentially.
i have raised this concern with the social worker in writing (email form) as i wanted a log of it.
for myself I dont care what they think of me, I just dont want it splashing onto the child and i do not want this to be a twice yearly activity for the head teacher.
Regarding SS the matter is being closed as they have no concerns regarding the childs wellbeing at all.
my partner had very negative contact with SS in her own childhood and dealing with them has drastically affected her health as well as my own so repetitions of this will cause serious issues.
Concerned with School creating MASH referral's out of spite
-
RedneckPaul
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2021 11:16 pm
-
Elcid
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 6:23 pm
Re: Concerned with School creating MASH referral's out of spite
All that sucks *** I posted on another vine of discussion my life over social I may not be in a same situation as you bud, I can understand the let down you have suffered.
Your lucky you had one of the good social workers but I will warn you about social by re pasting what I said on a post before.
——————————————————————
My personal experience with social you can’t take there word at face value record every conversation you have with them, either it be on the phone or face to face because they have a talent to take your words twist them like some sick “Chinese Whispers” thing, it will only screw you over so having proof of what you said to them is a must.
What I mean from my personal experience is this.
Way back to 2008 I my daughter was taken into care by social services because of her mother harming her but the rabbit hole, don’t just stop at the bottom of the hole social labelled me as a part to that harming of my daughter but how could I of been, the week this all happened I was over 100 miles away on holiday in xxxxxx at the time.
Me and my father bolted back home after being told a day later by my daughters stupid mother she had been put in care, if she had told us on the day we could of at least got back to take my daughter home instead of her going in to a foster placement, social lied about most of everything it took a month before I could see my daughter at a contact centre, I had no info to go on I’d split with the mother because I knew I couldn’t get her back with her being around I applied myself into my work.
Doing endless amounts of over time I still put the CSA money aside for my daughter it took a year and a half of a custody battle, £31,000 of my savings for me and my parents to get her back on legal fees and since then I’ve had 1 other occasion, a run in from social where my daughter fell over at school it all got logged down in the school accident book, she went back to school the next day school called social on me all fingers pointing at me.
I told them to check the school accident book so they did but still they sticked around annoyingly a social worker was telling me what I can an can’t do in my own home, she was far to opinionated her attitude sucked she had that posture like she was the great all mighty herself, gods gift to authority and the bees knees to parenting even though her first child was unborn oh yeah she was heavily pregnant, I did ask for another social worker but was threatened with she would remove my daughter like it’s a or else thing.
That’s the type of power trip social have it’s all wrong they have way too much power there so called Moto is safe guarding children and to keep them with family, sorry but I call BS on that because it’s not the case at all this is why you need to watch your backs at all times.
There just poison trick you into thinking otherwise and blatantly lie lie again.
My word of encouragement for those who suffer from social keep your nose clean, agree to terms after passed by your legal and I can’t stress this enough record everything.
Do it for your kids.
——————————————————————
Trying to be humble bud I know about the distress it all creates I can only shear in your pain my recent endeavours with social, are round my current partner long story short she used to be a foster child herself where she just had a child born xth xxx 2020, with this social figured it would be a great idea to put her and her son 30 miles away from me in a bloody foster placement, as of recent a court judge has put in place not a order a bloody request that we don’t have contact while I’m having a police check done via social services.
We can only have contact now days when she goes out for a hour on her own these circumstances I personally see as hostile towards me, not knowing if there ok 2-3 times a day and we use to have a video chat most nights but ending the call if she look tired to the point she was nodding, the max call we have had via vid call was 46 minuets the shortest 6 minuets I had to prove to social by a DNA test I was not the father of her son, it came back negative after countless time me and the other half telling them I wasn’t wasting tax payer money at a whim.
Thank god she has a new social worker now her old one threatened her forced her to sign a section 20 told her next to nothing, she had no paperwork sent to her two weeks after she gave birth she has been told utter non truths to what happening, she don’t get on to well with the male foster carer he is a narcissistic individual with the biggest chip on his shoulder, his house his rule kinda thing as you can guess that sets the stage for I’m the all almighty in his house.
Well that’s not how I see it just as advice and how I do things I set by example my thinking is if I don’t do it in front of any child, how can they think rules are to be broken on the other hand if you need to do something to not set by example do it when the child’s not there, this in my mind sets the child to think as well this is my home as a equal if you can understand, not thinking as though they ow you for living in your house which mentioned before brings up the rules are to be broken thing.
You want your child even if it’s not yours it don’t matter to be 1 comfy 2 confident round you 3 mainly and freely have a high sense of being loved, any other views from outside can do one if you have eyes in the back of your head to keep your child safe is the better, I personally never let my daughter walk on the right side of me or next to the road due to if the gonna hit me better be me first than her, just one other thing bud my current partners social figured it was ok to say things like he’s not blood it don’t matter what he thinks.
About me and to be frank I'm a adopted person so hugely offensive to me like blood matters if your standing up for the sake of a child and your partner, that’s what matters in the end your also adding a chapter to that child’s future as a extended family, as you can figure I’ve done a tonne of thinking over a lot of issues so over the school thing head is a plank put mildly.
Have you not been thinking ok who else is there in a school apart from a head teacher where I’m going with this is, every junior/primary school has a person called a school governor well is for 1 not paid to be in that position they are voluntary and 2 there either a parent or ex parent of a purple of the school, they do have a position of authority as it be mild but the head teacher will have to answer to the school governor, in circumstances like his or her job on the line of not taken in to account.
For example my adopted mother was my junior/primary school’s Governor 1988 until 1996 doing two extra years prior after I had left junior/primary school, gone on to secondary school the governors are normally people of a a educational back ground with a parent mind set, so if you have a meeting either in school or out with the governor personally out of school, he/she should be able to put points and facts to the head as you call he/she as something to highly consider.
You said along the lines your convo was long winded well I think I’ve beaten that but not to worry, hope I’ve shed some light I’m glad for you social is singing a tune in your direction no matter any disputes, all the best of luck and keep standing up to what you have been doing as a parent blood don’t count bud right an wrong does.
All the best bud.
Your lucky you had one of the good social workers but I will warn you about social by re pasting what I said on a post before.
——————————————————————
My personal experience with social you can’t take there word at face value record every conversation you have with them, either it be on the phone or face to face because they have a talent to take your words twist them like some sick “Chinese Whispers” thing, it will only screw you over so having proof of what you said to them is a must.
What I mean from my personal experience is this.
Way back to 2008 I my daughter was taken into care by social services because of her mother harming her but the rabbit hole, don’t just stop at the bottom of the hole social labelled me as a part to that harming of my daughter but how could I of been, the week this all happened I was over 100 miles away on holiday in xxxxxx at the time.
Me and my father bolted back home after being told a day later by my daughters stupid mother she had been put in care, if she had told us on the day we could of at least got back to take my daughter home instead of her going in to a foster placement, social lied about most of everything it took a month before I could see my daughter at a contact centre, I had no info to go on I’d split with the mother because I knew I couldn’t get her back with her being around I applied myself into my work.
Doing endless amounts of over time I still put the CSA money aside for my daughter it took a year and a half of a custody battle, £31,000 of my savings for me and my parents to get her back on legal fees and since then I’ve had 1 other occasion, a run in from social where my daughter fell over at school it all got logged down in the school accident book, she went back to school the next day school called social on me all fingers pointing at me.
I told them to check the school accident book so they did but still they sticked around annoyingly a social worker was telling me what I can an can’t do in my own home, she was far to opinionated her attitude sucked she had that posture like she was the great all mighty herself, gods gift to authority and the bees knees to parenting even though her first child was unborn oh yeah she was heavily pregnant, I did ask for another social worker but was threatened with she would remove my daughter like it’s a or else thing.
That’s the type of power trip social have it’s all wrong they have way too much power there so called Moto is safe guarding children and to keep them with family, sorry but I call BS on that because it’s not the case at all this is why you need to watch your backs at all times.
There just poison trick you into thinking otherwise and blatantly lie lie again.
My word of encouragement for those who suffer from social keep your nose clean, agree to terms after passed by your legal and I can’t stress this enough record everything.
Do it for your kids.
——————————————————————
Trying to be humble bud I know about the distress it all creates I can only shear in your pain my recent endeavours with social, are round my current partner long story short she used to be a foster child herself where she just had a child born xth xxx 2020, with this social figured it would be a great idea to put her and her son 30 miles away from me in a bloody foster placement, as of recent a court judge has put in place not a order a bloody request that we don’t have contact while I’m having a police check done via social services.
We can only have contact now days when she goes out for a hour on her own these circumstances I personally see as hostile towards me, not knowing if there ok 2-3 times a day and we use to have a video chat most nights but ending the call if she look tired to the point she was nodding, the max call we have had via vid call was 46 minuets the shortest 6 minuets I had to prove to social by a DNA test I was not the father of her son, it came back negative after countless time me and the other half telling them I wasn’t wasting tax payer money at a whim.
Thank god she has a new social worker now her old one threatened her forced her to sign a section 20 told her next to nothing, she had no paperwork sent to her two weeks after she gave birth she has been told utter non truths to what happening, she don’t get on to well with the male foster carer he is a narcissistic individual with the biggest chip on his shoulder, his house his rule kinda thing as you can guess that sets the stage for I’m the all almighty in his house.
Well that’s not how I see it just as advice and how I do things I set by example my thinking is if I don’t do it in front of any child, how can they think rules are to be broken on the other hand if you need to do something to not set by example do it when the child’s not there, this in my mind sets the child to think as well this is my home as a equal if you can understand, not thinking as though they ow you for living in your house which mentioned before brings up the rules are to be broken thing.
You want your child even if it’s not yours it don’t matter to be 1 comfy 2 confident round you 3 mainly and freely have a high sense of being loved, any other views from outside can do one if you have eyes in the back of your head to keep your child safe is the better, I personally never let my daughter walk on the right side of me or next to the road due to if the gonna hit me better be me first than her, just one other thing bud my current partners social figured it was ok to say things like he’s not blood it don’t matter what he thinks.
About me and to be frank I'm a adopted person so hugely offensive to me like blood matters if your standing up for the sake of a child and your partner, that’s what matters in the end your also adding a chapter to that child’s future as a extended family, as you can figure I’ve done a tonne of thinking over a lot of issues so over the school thing head is a plank put mildly.
Have you not been thinking ok who else is there in a school apart from a head teacher where I’m going with this is, every junior/primary school has a person called a school governor well is for 1 not paid to be in that position they are voluntary and 2 there either a parent or ex parent of a purple of the school, they do have a position of authority as it be mild but the head teacher will have to answer to the school governor, in circumstances like his or her job on the line of not taken in to account.
For example my adopted mother was my junior/primary school’s Governor 1988 until 1996 doing two extra years prior after I had left junior/primary school, gone on to secondary school the governors are normally people of a a educational back ground with a parent mind set, so if you have a meeting either in school or out with the governor personally out of school, he/she should be able to put points and facts to the head as you call he/she as something to highly consider.
You said along the lines your convo was long winded well I think I’ve beaten that but not to worry, hope I’ve shed some light I’m glad for you social is singing a tune in your direction no matter any disputes, all the best of luck and keep standing up to what you have been doing as a parent blood don’t count bud right an wrong does.
All the best bud.
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Wed Feb 24, 2021 1:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Edited by Suzie to remove a first name
Reason: Edited by Suzie to remove a first name
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Concerned with School creating MASH referral's out of spite
Dear RedneckPaulRedneckPaul wrote: Thu Feb 11, 2021 11:14 am Please forgive the long post as I am adding a basic timeline context
at the start of 2020 I became involved with a woman with a young child, the bio father had been exceptionally abusive to both of them and this was disclosed to me on meeting.
I am an older man who is of very large build coupled with morbid obesity and mobility issues and his own raft of issues from peer led abuse as a teenager coupled with constant high level pain.
I am also autistic who masks well.
The child has serious anxiety issues as a result of the abuse seen and received that have been exacerbated by lockdowns and the total loss of social interaction as a result.
Start of lockdown 1 I invited them to live with me as she is a NHS key worker and had no other support and would not have been able to work.
At this time she was concerned about her childs education at a private school being substandard and
during lockdown this was confirmed and a formal complaint made to the school that went effectivly ignored.
Roll on to the summer and both she and the child had settled at my home and we both tentatively discussed her living with me full time. Coupled with the above she elected to remove her child from the school and place the child in the local primary school where she has been happier and doing well and has made friends.
My partner made a disclosure to the school re bio dads behaviour and why he can not take her.
and to please inform us if she is having issues of any kind so we can take steps to help her.
We also made a disclosure as to why she was moving schools and a letter of loco parent-is for myself as the adult primarily responsible for the child during the day and also conducting the bulk of drop offs and pickups.
Towards Xmas the child was displaying some serious behaviour issues that included running into the road and nearly causing collisions on paths with myself and other adults.
This isnt tollerated and given my own health issues can cause serious harm to myself in the form of broken bones and dislocated joints and also to the child due to my size (150 kilos) so I was exceptionally stern and also when she ran infront of a moving car she was shouted at.
where the issues have started is that suddenly out of nowhere is that the school sent a MASH referal in without speaking to either of the adults based entirely on hearsay from “other parents” and on a very literal translation of a 6 year olds statements re food.
the “complaints” include
that I am “intimidating” other parents (how I dont know as I have not been able to interact with them and they have mainly ignored me and the ones that have taken the time to get to know me and family have all aid that I am like a teddy bear)
I am abusive to the child (outside of the traffic/ safety issues I am exceptionally polite to the child )
I am feeding child weeks old food (child doesnt understand deep freezing) and also force feeding the chold and not feeding . (90% of food is home cooked from scratch by myself and the child probably has one of the best diets in the school staff included)
The child calls me Daddy (true but not forced childs choice)
we are putting the child under undue pressure to perform scholastically
(not true we simply encourage to do the best they and we encourage reading as a family activity AND the child is exceptionally curious and always asking questions that we take the time to actually answer
that my asking how the childs day has been at school is making the child anxious and is somehow wrong yet its the only reason I found out the child had been attacked by another child was though asking and having a benchmark of her moods.
Also the previous school has made allegations that I am bullying and controlling my partner and child. These allegations are nothing short of lunacy and when I have 1st hand information I am looking at legal options.
The SS individual who had this case was initially very hostile but has accepted that far from the child being abused, the child is living in a clean, comfortable well appointed home where the child is given love and support and that we know how much the child is suffering and that she has pre-existing issues that we want to get helped.
I have been talking to other parents partly because I need to talk things through with somone who isnt close to this and I have hit 2 distinct issues
firstly there are parents who when asked about the head become visibly terrified and say dont cross him and then refuse to go any further but are highly distressed just at mentioning him.
and then there are 2 who have taken what I have said in confidence, twisted it and reported a highly twisted version to the school within 12 hours of it being said which has then been reported to the SS as facts.
There are also many others in the village, who I know and have known for many years, who have also warned me in detail about the head who is also the one responsible for safeguarding at the school.
the schools headteacher seems to have taken an immense dislike to me personally despite having never spoken to me prior to the mash referral being made wherein her refused to speak to me and also claimed I was being threatening when I simply asked for information.
Given his position as safeguarding lead I am concerned that he is in a position to make my and my partners life a misery through constant abuse of the referral process and also that the child will be treated differently from the other students and become isolated from the childs peers as a result of the adults being treated differentially.
i have raised this concern with the social worker in writing (email form) as i wanted a log of it.
for myself I dont care what they think of me, I just dont want it splashing onto the child and i do not want this to be a twice yearly activity for the head teacher.
Regarding SS the matter is being closed as they have no concerns regarding the childs wellbeing at all.
my partner had very negative contact with SS in her own childhood and dealing with them has drastically affected her health as well as my own so repetitions of this will cause serious issues.
Welcome to Family Rights Group’s parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties that you, your partner and her child have experienced recently. I am also sorry that there has been a delay in responding to your query.
You have explained the circumstances which led to the school your partner’s child attends making a referral to children’s services. This has been a very stressful experience. At first, you were concerned that the social worker seemed hostile to you. However, it seems that they were satisfied that your partner’s child was well cared for and that she was not at risk in any way. They have since closed the case. Well done on achieving this outcome. I can see that the experience has impacted on you all and you are hoping to prevent a similar situation happening again.
You are particularly worried about the headteacher, who is also the safeguarding lead. You have let the social worker know that you are worried about future referrals being made and that the child could be treated differently at school. This seems like a sensible approach.
Unfortunately, you cannot ‘prevent’ a further referral being made if the school has further serious concerns about the child’s welfare. They have a duty to share this information with children’s services who are then responsible for deciding if an assessment is necessary and if so to arrange for a social worker to assess the child’s needs.
It is important to have the best possible working relationship you can with the child’s school so that hopefully any issues, if they arise, could be discussed or addressed early. Do you think you and your partner could ask to meet with the headteacher to discuss what happened, and your worries for the future? This might be the best way forward.
However, if this is not possible and you wanted more advice about the school or were considering making a complaint, you can find information/seek advice from Child Law Advice: Education advice.
If children's services become involved again for any reason and you would like advice on this please do post again or ring to speak to an adviser on freephone 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm.
With best wishes
Suzie
Who is online
In total there is 1 user online :: 1 registered, 0 hidden and 0 guests (based on users active over the past 2 minutes)
Most users ever online was 37 on Wed Jun 17, 2026 3:50 pm