If Social Services are not concerned about the welfare of children would they recommend a refuge?

[Silverado]

Hi, my wife has decided to take my children to a foster home because she is afraid that my temper issues which have subsided with recent therapy, will resurface. She is voicing her views through the children stating they feel the same way and hence why social services are recommending a child in need plan as they see something in the children that they feel the way she does. Social services have denied this and state their assessment sees that the children are safe at home and don’t feel at edge around dad. Yet my wife reckons one of the recommendations from social services is that she and the children stay in a refuge. If social services don’t see any risk to the children, why would they recommend a refuge? If it was a child in protection plan then I would understand the rationale. Is my wife fabricating this or is this something social services would do given their recommendation is a voluntary child in need plan?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Silverado

Thanks for your post. I have responded to all your posts in your thread ' Can my wife deny me access to my children if a child in need plan is recommended?'.

Best wishes

Suzie

[benion]

Caution!

It could be that she is gearing up to take you to court.

If she can get evidence of DV, she becomes Legal Aid eligible.

Continue to work with SS. Think very carefully before phoning or messaging her as it could end up being used in court.

Good luck.

[Silverado]

You are spot on as she did try that and has tried every trick in the book as a trigger to try and get a rise out of me and to simply undermine the progress I have made to stay calm. If the courts weren’t a costly way to sort things out, I would have loved to see the courts view on her behaviour which included taking the children to a party where they were exposed to a lot of colourful profanities and also where the children saw her kiss another man and heard her engage in sexual activity - all 6 weeks after she called time on 15 years of marriage and 19 years of us being together. Funnily enough the trigger which caused me to lose my temper back in February was because I suspected she was playing away from home. As much as I never caught her in the act, her behaviour suggested she was having an affair and I told her this in the last argument we had. Social Services started calling this an allegation and ignoring the fact that this was a trigger, but have since softened their stance advising this could be a rebound thing. However and according to my children, she is still seeing this man and even though they have heard and seen their conduct, she still continues to lie to them saying she is not in a relationship even though our daughter has complained to me that she can smell this chaos aftershave on mum when she kisses her goodnight.
I’m pleased to say, I’m in a better place with things as I’ve completed my CBT, I’m halfway through a NVQ on understanding Autism in light of my daughter being diagnosed last year. Most importantly though, I’m seeing my children on a regular basis and we love our time together all of which it has been noted by social services around the children telling them that they enjoy their time with me and how they wish they could spend more time. Social Services are also talking about removing themselves from the process which is great as throughout this whole process they have demonstrated gender bias and turned a blind eye to the behaviour of my wife

[Silverado]

You are spot on as she did try that and has tried every trick in the book as a trigger to try and get a rise out of me and to simply undermine the progress I have made to stay calm. If the courts weren’t a costly way to sort things out, I would have loved to see the courts view on her behaviour which included taking the children to a party where they were exposed to a lot of colourful profanities and also where the children saw her kiss another man and heard her engage in sexual activity - all 6 weeks after she called time on 15 years of marriage and 19 years of us being together. Funnily enough the trigger which caused me to lose my temper back in February was because I suspected she was playing away from home. As much as I never caught her in the act, her behaviour suggested she was having an affair and I told her this in the last argument we had. Social Services started calling this an allegation and ignoring the fact that this was a trigger, but have since softened their stance advising this could be a rebound thing. However and according to my children, she is still seeing this man and even though they have heard and seen their conduct, she still continues to lie to them saying she is not in a relationship even though our daughter has complained to me that she can smell this chaps aftershave on mum when she kisses her goodnight.
I’m pleased to say, I’m in a better place with things as I’ve completed my CBT, I’m halfway through a NVQ on understanding Autism in light of my daughter being diagnosed last year. Most importantly though, I’m seeing my children on a regular basis and we love our time together all of which it has been noted by social services around the children telling them that they enjoy their time with me and how they wish they could spend more time. Social Services are also talking about removing themselves from the process which is great as throughout this whole process they have demonstrated gender bias and turned a blind eye to the behaviour of my wife