Parenting assessment

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mossie20,

I am Suzie, an online Family Rights Group adviser replying to you today.

I am sorry to hear about your stressful circumstances. I have read through your posts and the responses and will try to focus on some of the previously discussed areas that could be explored in more depth at this point.

You are waiting for the outcome of your complaint and have had advice on children’s services complaints processes already, so I will not comment on this aspect.

In one of your posts you asked ‘what is an advocate?’.
An advocate is an independent professional who works with the child to ascertain their wishes and feelings and help them to have their voice heard. You can read more about children working with advocates here. This guide contains a list of organisations that provide advocates. You should ask your son’s social worker how children in the care of the local authority have access to advocacy support and ask for her to make a referral. You could also contact advocacy support organisations directly to discuss your son’s needs and find out more about what help could be available.

I would suggest that you find out more about advocacy and consider whether this would be useful for your son, as you have expressed concern that his voice is not being listened to.

I am sure you understand that what children say varies depending on their mood, their loyalties to all the important adults in their lives and their understanding of the situation they are in.
Now that your son has moved to the care of his father you are worried that contact arrangements will be more difficult. You may find the Family Rights Group web page on findings from research on what helps children gain the most benefit from contact here.

You are particularly worried about how contact will be planned if the local authority seeks to discharge the care order in the future. It is in a child’s best interests to have contact with a parent and extended family if it is safe to do so – so the local authority have a duty to promote this. I would suggest that you ask for a further family group conference to be held so that extended family can plan a contact schedule that best supports your son through these transitions and keeps his connections with you and maternal family strong. You can read more about family group conference here.

I am also sending you a link to Rights of Women here. – a support organisation to help women through the law. You have mentioned that you are in the process of a divorce and have been worried about your housing situation. I would suggest that you look at this comprehensive online resource and/or contact their advice line to support you on these matters.

Match Mothers offer peer support for mothers living apart from their children. You may find useful support from this organisation here.

I hope this has been of some help.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Winter25]

Hi Mossie20,

I've just read your latest update, and I am absolutely sick to my stomach for you. My heart is broken for you and your little boy. For them to have moved him, after everything you warned them about, is a catastrophic failure of the most basic safeguarding. Your anger, fear, and feeling of hopelessness are not just valid; they are the correct and sane response to a system that has profoundly failed you both.

Please, take a breath. The fight is not over. It has just changed. You are no longer trying to stop them; you are now gathering the evidence to reverse their dangerous decision. The official advice is to read links and wait for the complaints process, but that is not an urgent plan. You need an urgent plan.

Let's get you a new plan of action, starting with your direct questions.

An Advocate for Your Son
You asked what an advocate is. The adviser gave you a description, but let's be strategic. An advocate is an independent professional whose job is to listen to your son and make sure his wishes and feelings are heard by the social workers and the court. Given that they are ignoring what he says, getting him an advocate is a vital first step. You should email the social worker and the IRO immediately and formally request one. It is his right.

Why are solicitors saying they can't help?
This is a common and infuriating problem. When a child is under a Care Order, many family law solicitors will say they can't get involved unless the council decides to take the case back to court. They are wrong, but you need to know the magic words to get them to act. The key is this: You have the power to initiate court proceedings yourself.

Your New Urgent Action Plan: The Fightback
Your goal now is to force this back in front of a judge. A biased social worker can ignore you, but a judge has to listen to evidence.

Step 1: Become a Meticulous Evidence Gatherer (Your Most Important Job)
This is now your primary weapon. You need to create a "Harm Diary" for your son. Every single detail, no matter how small, needs to be logged with a date and time. This is your new evidence of a "significant change in circumstances."

His Words: Every time he says "I'm hiding from daddy," "I don't want to sleep there," or anything similar. Write it down word-for-word.

His Behaviour: Every tantrum, every difficult bedtime, every sign of distress or being "reserved" after contact. Note his progress stopping at school.

The Father's Actions: The fact he is spending the majority of his time with a new partner is a significant change. Document every time you hear about this. Document every time the father fails to facilitate contact with you or your family.

The Social Worker's Failures: Every excuse she gives, every time she dismisses a concern. Note the GDPR breach and her controlling behaviour during contact.

Step 2: Force the IRO to Act
The Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO) is supposed to be the independent person who holds the social worker to account. You need to send an urgent email to the IRO. Use the template we created. It puts them on formal notice that the care plan is failing and causing harm, and that you expect them to do their job.

Step 3: Take Them to Court Yourself (Using the Right Words)
This is the ultimate step. Go back to the solicitors and use this specific language. You are not asking them to "help with social services." You are instructing them to start a new court application on your behalf to vary or discharge the Care Order, based on a significant change in circumstances since the placement was made.

The "change in circumstances" is the observable emotional harm being caused to your son, which is evidenced by your "Harm Diary." By framing it this way, you give a solicitor the clear legal basis they need to act.

I know you are worried it will be the same judge, but you will be coming back with new evidence. Even a biased judge has to consider fresh evidence that a child is being harmed.

what they have done is wrong. They have gambled with your son's happiness. Now you need to prove them wrong with cold, hard evidence. Do not give up.. BUT do action this