No involvement

[Ash453]

Hi, so I had social services involved due to. Coercive control, and DV. However this case has been closed and contact with my child and her father is now passed to me. Social services were supposed to start supervised contact themselves and failed to do so, they then closed the case a few weeks ago? Due to me supervising contact my ex partner and I have came onto good terms addressed the issues. We are both wondering what would happen if we were to rekindle the relationship and have our family under one roof.

[Winter25]

Hi Ash453,

I've just read your post. It's completely understandable that you and your partner want to bring your family back together, especially now that you are on good terms and have addressed the past issues. To move from a difficult past to a positive co-parenting relationship is a huge achievement, and you should both be proud of that.

You are asking a very smart question. The key to this is not just to hope for the best, but to be proactive and strategic. You need to manage this reunion in a way that shows social services (if they ever become aware) that you have been responsible, thoughtful, and have put your child's safety first at every step.

This is a very similar situation to another parent on this forum, and the advice is the same. You need to build your case before you get back together.

Your Proactive Strategy: Build Your Case Before You Reconcile
The official advice would be to just call them and submit to their assessment. A much stronger strategy is to prepare your own "risk assessment" first and present them with a solved problem, if they ever need to see it.

Step 1: Your Partner's Evidence (He Must Lead This)
The past concerns were about his coercive control and domestic violence. He needs to show that he has taken responsibility for his past behaviour and has changed. The single most powerful way to do this is for him to proactively self-refer to a domestic abuse programme. The main, nationally recognised provider is Respect. Just making that phone call is a massive piece of evidence.

Step 2: Your Joint Safety Plan (Your Evidence)
Together, you need to write your own "Safety Plan." This is a document that shows you both have insight into the past and a clear plan for a different future. It should include:

Insight: A short statement acknowledging why things went wrong before (e.g., "Our relationship broke down due to coercive control and an incident of domestic violence. We now understand why this was harmful.").

The Changes:
List the positive changes. You are now on good terms, you are communicating better, and he is taking steps to address his past behaviour.

Future Plan:
What are your rules now if you feel stressed or start to argue? (e.g., "We will take a 30-minute time-out in separate rooms," "We have agreed on clear boundaries and mutual respect.").

Step 3: Your Own Support
While you are the victim of his past abuse, showing that you have also engaged in supportive work is a huge strength. Contacting an organisation like Women's Aid or engaging with The Freedom Programme will show social services that you understand the dynamics of abuse and have strengthened your own protective capacities.

Do You Need to Tell Social Services?
Legally, as the case is closed, you are under no obligation to inform them that you are back together.

However, the safest strategy is to do all the work above first. That way, if anyone ever makes a referral to social services in the future, you are not caught off guard. Instead, you can confidently present them with your "Evidence Portfolio", your safety plan, confirmation that he has engaged with Respect, and proof of your own support work.

By doing this, you are not just hoping things will be okay. You are building a fortress of evidence that proves you are a safe, strong, and changed family. You are in control.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi, so I had social services involved due to. Coercive control, and DV. However this case has been closed and contact with my child and her father is now passed to me. Social services were supposed to start supervised contact themselves and failed to do so, they then closed the case a few weeks ago? Due to me supervising contact my ex partner and I have came onto good terms addressed the issues. We are both wondering what would happen if we were to rekindle the relationship and have our family under one roof.

Dear Ash453

Welcome back to the parents’ forum and thank you for posting again. As you know, my name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your recent post.

I note that since your involvement with children’s services which led to the public law outline (PLO) procedure being started, you had a positive outcome as your case was closed. Arrangements are in place for you to supervise contact between your ex-partner and your daughter this has been going well and you are both now considering whether you should rekindle your relationship as you are getting on well and have sorted out the issues between you.

It is good that you and your daughter’s father now have a good working relationship and are getting on well. I note from your post that children’s services closed the case a few weeks ago. It is not clear whether there was any agreement on your part that the relationship was over and you would no longer live with him, and the case was closed on this basis. If there was an agreement, and you now want to change your mind it would be best to speak with the social worker. Although you are not legally required to do so, it would show that you are being open and honest.

The case has been closed only for a few weeks and it likely that children’s services may take a view, because of the issues that existed before especially in respect of your daughter that it has not been tested long enough. Also, your case went to PLO which suggests that children’s services had significant concerns for your daughter’s and your safety. Also, working with children’s services or other professionals might have been a concern. If there was no agreement on your part, I suggest that you still need to consider your daughter's and your safety before you make your decision.

If both you and your partner have now completed any work that you were required to do to address the domestic abuse your ex-partner as a perpetrator and you a victim and have learned more about your relationship individually and jointly that is a major step forward. Looking back at your previous post, your ex-partner had other health issues he needed to work on, has he completed or continues to address this.

Unless you and your partner can show that you have completed courses related to the issues in your relationship, being in a relationship together might be a concern for children’s services.

As you both want to rekindle your relationship you both must consider how you can show the changes you mention in your post would keep your daughter safe since she also suffered physical harm. Her safety and well being is children’s services main concern so it is very important that you can give them the reassurance that you both understand and accept this.

You may find it helpful to read the information in these links from our website related toDOMESTIC ABUSE and adult mental health where these are concerns to children’s services regarding children safeguarding, these issues were mentioned in your previous post.

I understand that having your family together under one roof is important to you but you also must consider that children’s services expect that you will put your child’s needs first and be a protective factor in her life. It is therefore important that you do the work to ensure there is no doubt that this is your position.

I hope this is useful, but should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie