Two ill children + abusive dad

[chronic_ill]

Hi there,
My two children are diagnosed with chronic complex illnesses, and I also suffered physical illness for extended period of time but am now feeling much better. My children's symptoms are severe. Prior to their illness onset, they were extremely fit, healthy, academic and sociable. Neither of them can manage school. Both schools managed their absence as safeguarding issues despite them both having diagnoses and symptoms that justified their absences. So no Section 19 was followed for either and initial EHCP applications only just done.
Unfortunately, I have faced significant denial from family while trying to get my children the medical attention and support they need. This journey involved escaping an unhealthy living environment. Following a period of temporary upheaval, we are now happily settled in a new home.
After the children’s father was arrested following a domestic incident, malicious allegations were made to social services anonymously but believed to have been by a family member. The referral accused me of mismanaging my children’s chronic health conditions and questioned my decision to use alternative educational paths and private health care – a step many parents take when the NHS falls short. It was also falsely claimed that I was experiencing a mental health crisis. Another was around the children’s 'failure to recover', a horrible phrase - and demonstrating ignorance around these conditions and how long, sadly, they can last. And also clearly looking to blame me for that. Social services started a section 47 investigation which was subsequently closed as unsubstantiated and no risk of harm and has stepped down to section 17. (I don't have all the details of reports/assessments etc but this was confirmed in writing).
I have child arrangements first hearing coming up (my instigation) and a lot of pressure from dad for contact. One of my children doesn't want contact whereby the other one does but struggles with stress-induced physical symptoms that make leaving the house difficult. I am grateful for any genuine support from ss but I still don't feel comfortable, after all that, that it is genuinely really a support arrangement. I don't understand how 'progress' will be monitored in cases of long term illness. I don't feel I should be being monitored at all in regards to their healthcare. I believe my husband and his family will still be briefing against me to anyone who will listen. They have wanted to blame me for the children's ill health the entire time. I do absolutely everything anyone could possibly do for them - but I can't cure them. Is there any reason to stay on S17 in light of what is happening with their dad and contact pressure or is it not worth it given the very real risk I will continue to be judged as negligent etc. for my children's state of health? I feel like my husband and his family are using ss and also some doctors to harrass me by proxy. Can social care actually help stop this, ultimately, if they continue to find that everything is OK, at least in the context of genuine, diagnosed illnesses? Will their involvement help me ahead of family court?

[Winter25]

Hi chronic_ill,

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Reading your post, it’s clear you’ve been dealing with an extraordinary situation, two seriously unwell children, huge medical uncertainty, and then social care being pulled in off the back of blame and misunderstanding rather than any evidence of harm.

The fact the Section 47 was closed as unsubstantiated is very significant. That means they did not find risk of significant harm and they could not support the FII narrative being pushed. Having that confirmed in writing matters.

Section 17 is meant to be support, not suspicion. In theory it should be about practical help: education provision, EHCP/Section 19 duties, coordination between services, and making sure the children’s needs are properly understood. But I completely understand why you don’t feel comfortable, in medically complex cases, professionals sometimes drift into “why aren’t they better yet?” which is not an appropriate lens for chronic illness.

On whether to stay on Section 17 or push for closure, I think the key is what it is actually doing in reality.

If it can be kept tightly focused on genuine support (education, service coordination, reducing stress around contact), then it may be beneficial for a short period, especially with a family court hearing coming up. In high conflict situations, having a clear, neutral record that the children are genuinely unwell, the home is safe, and you are following medical advice can help prevent the father’s family continuing to frame this as neglect or exaggeration.

But if Section 17 becomes open-ended monitoring with vague “progress” expectations (where progress is wrongly taken to mean “the children recover”), then it can become stressful and unsafe. You are entitled to clarity in writing about what the plan is for.

A really important protective step in situations like this is having a clear lead clinician letter. Social workers are not medical experts, and these conditions are poorly understood. If you can obtain a consultant summary confirming diagnoses, functional impact, and that you are following an agreed plan, it takes the focus off you personally and anchors the case in medical evidence rather than opinion.

You can also ask social care, calmly and in writing:

What is the identified need under Section 17?
What practical support is being provided?
What are the specific outcomes (education, wellbeing), not “recovery”?
What is the intended review/closure timescale?

I have done a draft you can send and use bellow

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Subject: Clarifying Section 17 Child in Need Plan – Focus and Timescales

Dear [Social Worker’s Name],

Following confirmation that the Section 47 enquiry has been closed as unsubstantiated, I am writing to clarify the purpose and focus of the current Section 17 Child in Need involvement.

I understand Section 17 is intended to be supportive, and I want to ensure the plan remains clearly centred on the children’s welfare and practical assistance, particularly given their diagnosed long-term health conditions.

To help me understand the current position, please could you confirm in writing:

What is the identified need being addressed under Section 17 at present?

What practical support will Children’s Services be providing through the CIN plan (for example around education provision, health coordination, or other services)?

What are the specific intended outcomes of the plan in terms of wellbeing, stability and support, rather than expectations of medical “recovery”, given the chronic nature of the children’s conditions?

What is the intended review timeframe and closure criteria for Section 17 involvement?

I am keen for this to remain a support-led plan with clear goals and boundaries, so that everyone involved is working consistently in the children’s best interests.

Thank you for your help, and I look forward to your response.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]
[Children’s Names]
[Case Reference, if known]

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On the family court side, social care involvement does not automatically help a father. The closure of S47 unsubstantiated is protective for you. Contact decisions will be based on welfare and what is realistic for children with severe fatigue and neurological symptoms. Court can and does pace contact around health limits, and an older child’s wishes will carry weight.

Your concern about harassment by proxy is understandable. Social care can’t stop relatives making referrals, but repeated unsubstantiated allegations do tend to lose credibility over time, especially where there is a clear assessment history and medical documentation.

If you haven’t already, I would try to obtain:

the Section 47 closure letter and assessment outcome
a consultant/lead professional summary of diagnoses and impact
written confirmation of Section 19/EHCP steps
a clear written focus for Section 17 so it remains support-led, not suspicion-led
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For transparency, I’m not an official adviser, just a parent with lived experience in the court system of Local Authorite

But nothing in your post reads like neglect, it reads like a medically complex family being pulled into safeguarding because of denial, blame, and professional misunderstanding.

[chronic_ill]

Thank you so much this is incredibly helpful.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thank you so much this is incredibly helpful.

Dear chronic_ill,

This is Suzie, an online adviser for Family Rights Group. Thank you for your posts; I will reply to each of them here.

I am sorry to hear about the ongoing health issues of your children, the abuse you have experienced and the additional stress of the difficulties with your housing. I was pleased to hear that you are making a good recovery.

You are questioning whether the child in need plan is of benefit to the children and assessing whether to continue with it. Family Rights Group have extensive information about child in need plans that could assist you in thinking this through and ensuring that the plan is beneficial for your children’s needs. You can link to the child in need pages here.

You may also find the pages on children with disability/ill-health and/or with additional educational needs of use here.

Child Law Advice provides specialist advice on private family law applications here. I wanted to draw your attention to their information on the possibility of legal aid for people who have experienced domestic abuse here.

I hope this information was useful to you. Please feel free to post here again if you have further questions.

There are also many alternative ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.
• Complete the advice enquiry form to request an email response within 5 working days

Best wishes,
Suzie