Advice

[Featheredowl]

My question is when does safe guarding become harassment. My partner was drunk and abusive in 2024, police called, social involved. He / we did everything they said and case was closed. Since then the school have stopped dad collecting the children saying he was too under the influence to look after them. Social called again. This was proven nonsense as I'd called a friend who knows us both to collect my children and she said dad wasn't drunk and was fully in controll. Then after that We had a malicious call from someone, they wouldn't say who. Again case closed no concerns.
Now school have called them on us again this time stating abuse!! This was before the bank holiday and they called monday and said my son had said something in school which needed investigating. OK fine come see us we've nothing to hide.
School also told me on the phone unless dad had a chaperone they wouldn't release my children to him as they've decided he seams intoxicated on the days our friend accompanies dad to stay and play, she goes for our children as I'm working amd so dad has abit of back up alone at the school, NOT because he is drunk!
Had a call Tues from social while I was in work and asked her to call back in an hour once I'd finished. We've heard absolutely nothing since!? Ive asked for copies of what my son did/said and with what teacher as I obviously don't want him coerced but feel it may have been. Ive asked my son and recorded the conversation at the time the school said they were reporting my family and hes told me nothing happened. He also has no memory of anything hes done in school (with whatever teacher it was) about what things are like at home so I feel he was either coerced or someone has done it for him. Dad is a functioning alcoholic as in he does deink every day but, he doesn't drink before 11am and manages what he drinks so he is in control of himself and our children. Weve seen other parents at the school with cans of gin at 9am yet nothing is ever said to them! Also school have said other parents have asked 'what are you doing about that?' Reffering to dad and our kids but wont tell me what apparent parent it was, neither will tell me what was said to them in return. If the school have told them a report will be sent is that not confidential? I feel very confident it has been verbally said but i have no proof. What do I do now?

[VD2ER]

I thought I would put in my 2-pennies worth.
The issue is that your partner’s behaviour is an unknown and that history repeats itself. It sounds as if he is not in the right place to quit.

1) You can offer to provide the school with a breathalyser that is certified for use in France. Allow this to be used where there is a concern he may be drunk. You can buy them on Amazon and have it delivered directly to the school to remove any risk of tampering.
2) I’m sorry but drunks are notorious for making claims to lessen perceptions of drunken behaviour. They may also appear fully in control. This is how the school and SS will view your partner.
3) I can record calls on my phone and suggest you ensure you can do the same. Most UK phones deliberately prevent the other side being recorded so choose the phone wisely.
4) You could make a written request to understand the nature of the referral. However, to me it sounds the school is erring on the side of caution and SS aren’t treating as serious, perhaps best to allow sleeping dogs lie.
5) The school will not provide the name of anyone who makes an accusation. That might change if there is a court hearing with papers that references the complaint.

Try and put yourself in the eyes of the Social Workers and the school. A police incident two years ago and the need for SS involvement is never closed. All you/he can do is earn the trust of the school and SS.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Featheredowl,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for you post. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry to hear about this difficult situation and I hope that the following advice and information is helpful. You can click on the links to take you to more advice and information on our website.

You explained that there has been previous children’s services involvement because of concerns about your partner’s alcohol use and previous abusive behaviour. The case was closed and since then there have been various referrals made by the school and an anonymous person. Most recently the school have made another referral and have told you this is because of something your son said at school. They have not told you what he said and he says that he doesn’t know what they are referring to. The social worker rang you last Tuesday but you were unable to speak with them as you were at work and (at the time of writing) you have heard nothing since. You are also concerned that the school told another parent that they would be making a referral to children’s services and that this is a breach of confidentiality.

It has been a few days since you posted on the forum so you may have heard more from children’s services by now. If you haven’t then you could consider contacting them directly yourself and asking them to update you about their next steps. As you have had children’s services involvement previously you may already be aware that once children’s services receive a referral they must decide whether they need to carry out an assessment. If they are concerned that a child might be at risk of significant harm then they would undertake a child protection investigation. This can be done without consent from the parent(s). You can find more information about the child protection process on our website HERE. If children’s services are not concerned that a child is at risk of significant harm, but they think that a child might benefit from some extra support they may offer a child in need assessment. This is a voluntary assessment and children’s services would need your consent to carry this out. We have more information on our website HERE. Once you know what children’s services next steps are, and whether they are planning to carry out an assessment, you will be in a better position to think about how to manage this going forward.

You ask when does safeguarding become harassment. If the school (or indeed any professional who knows your son) has concerns that your son might not be safe then it is their duty to pass on this information to children’s services. This is made clear in the Working Together to Safeguard Children statutory guidance. Referrals may be made many times, depending on the nature of the concerns. It is then up to children’s services to decide whether they need to take further action. However, once you have more information about what the school have alleged your son said, if you feel that the school have acted inappropriately then you may wish to consider discussing this with the school safeguarding lead, or by making a complaint through the school’s complaints process.

The school should not have shared with another parent that they were making a referral to children’s services about your children. If you believe that they did do so then you may wish to contact the safeguarding lead to formally address this issue. You could also make a formal complaint.

I can see that you have had some advice from another parent. I think it’s important to clarify that if you are going to record another person it is important to tell them that you are planning to record them and to get their consent (just as you would expect them to inform you and ask for your consent if you were being recorded by them). You may find THIS GUIDANCE helpful from The Transparency Project. I would also like to point out that it would be very unusual for a school to agree to using a breathalyser on a parent.

I hope this is of some help. Please post again if you have further questions as things progress. You can also call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak with an adviser. We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie