Help me please

[Lovingmummy1991]

During labour the midwife had her hands up me very savagely and it left swelling on my baby’s head, there was also a scratch on her she done herself when we left that hospital; a worker came round asked what the marks were i hadnt even thought about them they’ve always been there they went and asked LGI they said no record of marks, they told me I had to take her to a medical or shed ring the police so we went 3 days i. Hospital Told we could go home ig scans are clear they were but they made us leave with grandparents next day took us to court said she had to be fostered this made us relapse they came and did a parenting assessment for my session they said I didn’t love my baby as I’d been a previous victim of Domestic Violence my ex trafficked me out but she asked if Bambis dad resented me for that wtf they got me in such a state I was sobbing and begged them to stop the session she didn’t they then left and I was suicidal they traumatised me tjat much I then didnt leav tje house fot 8 weeks I couldn’t no medical professionals coild say we did or didnt do it just decided it was us on my life it was done during birth shes now been adopted out they didn’t even let us finish our baby steps anti natal class they rang when we had contact and was asking about an adoption medical which ruined my time with her now we have final farewell next week an hour and a half!!! But I’m now in rehab and we’re 8 weeks clean but she’s been adopted out where do I go?! The NHS didnt record any of these marks properly just said no no marks wtf I’ve lost havent I there’s no way out is there ? Please this has broken me they assessed me all along anf said yeah CIN then 11 days old this happened wtf ?????

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Lovingmummy1991

Thank you for posting again on the parents’ forum.

I see from this recent post that you are still struggling and distressed by the court’s decision to give permission for your baby daughter to be placed for adoption. You have set out again the details of how and why your baby was removed from your care.

Understandably, it is hard for you to come to terms with your daughter being placed for adoption and now that a prospective adoptive family has been found, it is hard for you to accept that you are now to have farewell contact. You have not mentioned if any contact has been offered, this might be letter box contact where you get to send and receive letters about her from the adopters. I suggest you speak to the social worker about this. The decision about contact will be for the prospective adopters to make.

I think you may be aware of what is described as the child’s timescale during the court case, this means that decisions are made early for the child and their long-term care. In your case because of the traumatic things you experienced and your substance addiction, it was considered that any therapy and rehabilitation could not happen within her timescale. You mention that you are now in rehab and are now clean for 8 weeks. Congratulations on taking responsibility and keeping to your programme to remain clean it is commendable and I encourage you to do your best to continue.

To challenge the placement order which gives permission for your daughter to be placed for adoption is likely to be unsuccessful, but you would not be able prove to the court that have addressed the concerns with sustained change.

I believe you would benefit from having support to help you at this distressing time and you can contact PAC-UK who offer supportive services to people affected by adoption. Here is their telephone number 0300 180 0090 and website
You also ask the social worker about post adoption support.

Once your daughter has been living the prospective adopters for a period they can apply to the court for an adoption order. You will be notified by the court of their application and can attend court if you wish.

My advice is that you continue to engage with the services which help and support you in respect of your traumatic experiences and substance use. It is, I think, important for you to try and make yourself well although I appreciate and understand the pain and loss you feel. Contacting MATCH who offer support to mothers apart from children might be helpful. Here is their telephone number 0808 808 3555

You can learn more about adoption and the information HERE on our website. There is also a Birth Families Map on our website for families affected by adoption which provides details of local support.

Should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can do so by telephoning our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

I hope this is helpful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie