Can my wife deny me access to our children if a child in need plan is being recommended

[Silverado]

Hi

It’s been 2 years since my last post and I wanted to provide an update.

It’s clear to me that my wife was cheating on me and had embarked on an additional relationship whilst still in the marriage. This is compounded by my daughter showing me sketches that her mum drew of her and her new partner being all doe eyed and in love. All innocent sounding but I had seen these sketches previously when we were married and together as a family as I remember making a joke saying she has slimmed me down in her sketch. Therefore it’s clear as day that she used social services as a vehicle to get me out of the picture so she could lead her new life etc.
Social Services have been next to useless and have shown their true colours of not wanting to help the family but wanting to help the mother more then the children and were bought into the false narrative played by the mother and in turn turned a blind a eye when the conduct of the mother was brought to their attention. This included taking the children to a gathering where they saw her kiss another man and engage in sexual activity. When brought up with social services about the impact this had on the children who were afraid of me being replaced as their dad so soon after we split (5weeks) after 15 years of marriage, social services treated it as an allegation as they spoke to the mother who denied it. Why didn’t they speak to the children? Is it because they were afraid of what they might hear and it might have to change their course of action. When I have brought this up with the mother since, she has not denied and it’s easier to do so when there is no social services involve ment. Whenever I bring up her conduct she turns it on me saying that my actions will have a negative impact on the way children view relationships but she never questions her own such as the children who can still hear her engaging in sexual activity when her new boyfriend comes around, the careless leaving out of xxx and her artwork which is creative and equally disturbing. Her picture of an evil spirit in the background of her and her new boyfriend was a particular classic as my daughter straight away said that the spirit was modelled on me as it bore a resemblance - how is that not impacting the way our children view relationships? A recent sketch found by my daughter of her mother covering her modesty and accompanied by a rhyme of “roses are red violets are blue xxxx thinking of you” is another example. Whether it’s private or not, it was left out for my daughter to find and see.

Although I have my good days and bad days, I feel let down by the system. It’s not designed to help us as a family but in turn it has been manipulated in order to suit an agenda. Yes, i shouted which I regret. However who wouldn’t have shouted if they suspected infidelity whilst also balancing a high pressured job and also maintaining a busy household.

Any other parents out there who have gone through anything similar?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Silverado

Welcome back to the parents’ board. Thank you for your update. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear that you are still going through a difficult now. You have remained separated from your wife who is in a new relationship. I understand that the children live with their mother, but you spend time with them. From the information provided, there appears to be no ongoing children’s services involvement. You have not asked any new questions.

It is not easy to deal with a separation and coping with changes to family life. There are services that can offer emotional support and practical advice to families in this situation. Your relationship with your children is the most important thing to focus on. Please see our links to useful services here where you can find relationship, parenting and legal advice services. Cafcass and CoramFamily Lives also publish helpful resources for parents.

In your post you raise concerns about:

How children’s services responded when they were involved. You feel let down by the system.

Your wife’s behaviour in terms of how she manages her sexual relationship with her new partner and what the children are exposed to.

We provided advice about how to make a complaint when you last posted. If you did not make a complaint at the time but still wish to challenge children’s services about their assessment and previous role in your children’s lives you can consider making a complaint now but please be aware that you would need to show good reason why you did not complain at the time, if it is over a year ago. Please see how to complain here.

If you are seriously worried about your children’s welfare, then you can consider:

*Contacting the NSPCC to discuss your concerns: 0808 800 5000 or [email protected].

*Contacting children’s services to flag your concerns

*Getting private law advice, as a father with parental responsibility. I hope this helps.
Best wishes

Suzie

[Silverado]

Oh I did complain and only 18 months after my initial complaint have we come to some sort of conclusion. The council didn’t even follow the SLA’s outlined within their process hence why it took 18months.

The council cited they acted properly but admit there is room for improvement within their processes. Not surprised given should they say anything else then it’s a legal case in waiting

However, the whole process did highlight that my wife lied to initiate their involvement and continued to lie throughout the process to keep them involved and undermine any progress I was making to repair my reputation that was unfairly tarnished. She said she was subjected to physical abuse which never happened and would make false claims about the children’s welfare in my care. Social services clearly saw no concerns and could see the children wanted to spend more time with me which left my wife in tears once we were withdrawn from social services involvement. In the run up to the split, I felt that the looks directed at me from the school etc were ones of judgement to which my wife would say I’m being paranoid. Well, clearly I wasn’t as they were also made aware of the allegations of physical abuse. My point being though and to be made to feel paranoid when my feelings were probably spot on, well if that’s not abuse then what is?

My learnings from all of this are
1. The female in the relationship will always have the stronger voice
2. The above means it’s open to be exploited and abused and in my case, it’s purely so she can gain control and manage her exit from the relationship without any blame apportioned to her given she was the one having an affair.