Hello
It’s been a while since I’ve needed advice.
When I
Last spoke to S, she advised that after some time had passed, I could contact the LA and ask them what their reunification policy is. I did so in an email and also bulleted a few other things I wanted to discuss at our first meeting… which will hopefully be in a few weeks.it was a heads up on the fact that Swan and me still want to be together full time. I tried not to be emotional and factual. Swanny recently told me that her new sw had said… “I feel sorry for you, I heard those recordings and is your gran still the same… swan said yes.
I think social workers are very busy indeed and I have not had a reply.
My fear is that the LA will think I am opening up a can of worms again. The court case finished 9m ago and I can see how unsettled my child is.
I am 4 years stable in January and my reason for sending an email now was to clarify whether I am working toward my goal. I do wonder whether my stability matters as much as they say and that contact with father and gran would cease if she were in my care. The last thing I want is to build swans hopes up again. So I thought I could advance remotely without Swan knowing. I am confused as other sw have told me that if I continue to do well…. She will come home. It does seem like when my ex husband and mother hear that and turn the screw…. They reject the very idea.
I would go back to court and represent myself, but it’s too soon and I feel I should only go through that again when all other options are exhausted. It’s been two years since my parenting assessment and I really don’t know what to do. Swan has had a period of stability.. but it’s as if that’s given selfish people carte Blanche to do whatever they want.
Any advice on steps would be greatly appreciated
Best wishes
Moving forward
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 5046
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Moving forward
Dear HopingMamu
Welcome back to the parents’ board. Thank you for your post. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group Adviser.
I understand that you are still missing your daughter very much and of course would like to be reunited with her, when that is possible. You have done a lot of work over the years and have been through a court process quite recently.
It is reasonable for you to ask for a copy of the local authority’s reunification policy and to email your daughter’s social worker with bullet points of other matters you would like to discuss when you meet in a few weeks’ time. You are a caring parent who wants to play an active role in your daughter’s life and to continue to work towards her returning home to your care. I am sorry that you have not heard back yet from the social worker. You could send a polite follow up to prompt a response. Did you have a chance to look at our guide to working with a social worker that I linked to last time? It may help you plan your communication so that hopefully you and the current social worker can work well together.
It is too soon to go back to court, as you are aware, but it is reasonable for you to talk to the social worker about their view of the current situation and how you can move forward. It is important that your daughter is not confused or destabilised though.
In my previous response in June, I made some suggestions about how you could discuss this with the social worker and how you can clarify what work or support has been done with your daughter to help her manage her experiences including why she does not live with you, at the moment. It might be worth your while revisiting that post as the advice provided is still relevant to your current situation.
I hope that the social worker responds promptly and that you have a productive meeting when it takes place.
I wanted to let you know about a possible source of support for you as a parent separated from your child. There is a charity called BEAM that you may be of interest to you; you can find their contact details here.
I hope this helps. If you have any further queries, please post again or contact the advice service via one of our options linked to here.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome back to the parents’ board. Thank you for your post. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group Adviser.
I understand that you are still missing your daughter very much and of course would like to be reunited with her, when that is possible. You have done a lot of work over the years and have been through a court process quite recently.
It is reasonable for you to ask for a copy of the local authority’s reunification policy and to email your daughter’s social worker with bullet points of other matters you would like to discuss when you meet in a few weeks’ time. You are a caring parent who wants to play an active role in your daughter’s life and to continue to work towards her returning home to your care. I am sorry that you have not heard back yet from the social worker. You could send a polite follow up to prompt a response. Did you have a chance to look at our guide to working with a social worker that I linked to last time? It may help you plan your communication so that hopefully you and the current social worker can work well together.
It is too soon to go back to court, as you are aware, but it is reasonable for you to talk to the social worker about their view of the current situation and how you can move forward. It is important that your daughter is not confused or destabilised though.
In my previous response in June, I made some suggestions about how you could discuss this with the social worker and how you can clarify what work or support has been done with your daughter to help her manage her experiences including why she does not live with you, at the moment. It might be worth your while revisiting that post as the advice provided is still relevant to your current situation.
I hope that the social worker responds promptly and that you have a productive meeting when it takes place.
I wanted to let you know about a possible source of support for you as a parent separated from your child. There is a charity called BEAM that you may be of interest to you; you can find their contact details here.
I hope this helps. If you have any further queries, please post again or contact the advice service via one of our options linked to here.
Best wishes
Suzie
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
Hello
I have now spoken to my daughter’s social worker who is really nice. She is the sixth social worker and though she never replied to my email and I eventually called her… she had plenty of time to chat. This social worker is the one who visited my daughter when the abusive recordings were sent. Allegedly she told Swan… I feel sorry for you. But I realise that she’s programmed to promote swans placement whenever she can. My answer to reunification was that her or her line manager had never heard of one and say they do not have one. I told her that I would like to reunited and she said we can discuss this away from meetings… my idea! As I don’t have good relationships with carer and ex husband and don’t want the meeting to be fuelled by anger- it’s about swan. Who is going to be present in future meetings at her school. I guess I’m wondering how I get the proverbial ball rolling. Do I ask for a parenting assessment, a reunification assessment? Currently I have her a lot in the holidays, so she has spent 5 day stretches with me. I’m thinking if it were to go through the sixth monthly lac review…. That could be tricky as there’s a brand new IRO whom I have not met yet. Do I ask her or him? I’m not sure what my next step may be
Thank you in advance
I have now spoken to my daughter’s social worker who is really nice. She is the sixth social worker and though she never replied to my email and I eventually called her… she had plenty of time to chat. This social worker is the one who visited my daughter when the abusive recordings were sent. Allegedly she told Swan… I feel sorry for you. But I realise that she’s programmed to promote swans placement whenever she can. My answer to reunification was that her or her line manager had never heard of one and say they do not have one. I told her that I would like to reunited and she said we can discuss this away from meetings… my idea! As I don’t have good relationships with carer and ex husband and don’t want the meeting to be fuelled by anger- it’s about swan. Who is going to be present in future meetings at her school. I guess I’m wondering how I get the proverbial ball rolling. Do I ask for a parenting assessment, a reunification assessment? Currently I have her a lot in the holidays, so she has spent 5 day stretches with me. I’m thinking if it were to go through the sixth monthly lac review…. That could be tricky as there’s a brand new IRO whom I have not met yet. Do I ask her or him? I’m not sure what my next step may be
Thank you in advance
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 5046
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Moving forward
Dear HopingMamu
Thank you for your recent post. I am glad to hear that you have at last had a chance to talk at some length to your daughter’s new social worker and that it was quite positive. I am sorry she did not reply to your email though!
You want to get the ball rolling in terms of looking at reunification again and are wondering what the best way forward is. As the social worker has confirmed that the local authority does not have a reunification policy it might be a good idea to ask (by email again, so you have a record) how they usually assess when reunification is being considered and to put this in writing to you.
You spend quite a lot of time with your daughter especially during holidays and so you could ask that this time be extended further. If agreed, this would provide very useful evidence that your daughter’s time with you is positive and safe for her.
I would recommend that you also ask the social worker to confirm what outstanding issues they would like you to address and in what timescale. You could copy the (new) IRO in too so that they are aware that you are trying to move forward and asking them to work transparently with you.
The LAC review is a good forum to formally query whether children’s services are willing to pursue a reunification assessment at this time, what format it would take and the timescales. The IRO must consider if your daughter’s current care plan is still the right one for her. They also must minute decisions/recommendations and timescales that they make in the meeting.
Now that you have begun to form a good working relationship with your daughter’s social worker you can continue to have discussions with her about reunification. You can make a note of what is discussed and confirm this by email with the social worker, if you wish.
I hope this helps.
With best wishes
Suzie
Thank you for your recent post. I am glad to hear that you have at last had a chance to talk at some length to your daughter’s new social worker and that it was quite positive. I am sorry she did not reply to your email though!
You want to get the ball rolling in terms of looking at reunification again and are wondering what the best way forward is. As the social worker has confirmed that the local authority does not have a reunification policy it might be a good idea to ask (by email again, so you have a record) how they usually assess when reunification is being considered and to put this in writing to you.
You spend quite a lot of time with your daughter especially during holidays and so you could ask that this time be extended further. If agreed, this would provide very useful evidence that your daughter’s time with you is positive and safe for her.
I would recommend that you also ask the social worker to confirm what outstanding issues they would like you to address and in what timescale. You could copy the (new) IRO in too so that they are aware that you are trying to move forward and asking them to work transparently with you.
The LAC review is a good forum to formally query whether children’s services are willing to pursue a reunification assessment at this time, what format it would take and the timescales. The IRO must consider if your daughter’s current care plan is still the right one for her. They also must minute decisions/recommendations and timescales that they make in the meeting.
Now that you have begun to form a good working relationship with your daughter’s social worker you can continue to have discussions with her about reunification. You can make a note of what is discussed and confirm this by email with the social worker, if you wish.
I hope this helps.
With best wishes
Suzie
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
Thank you Suzie
Another great lot of advice
I will keep you posted
Another great lot of advice
I will keep you posted
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
Hello
It’s with frustration I send this message, as it’s the second attempt
the last was lost 
To cut a long story short, swan
Turned up on my doorstep on Tuesday morning in tears and a mini panic attack. I was getting ready for work, so I called them and listened to everything my child had to say. I had the notion that social workers go into work at 9am and then have a meeting until ten. Previous scull worker was never available until then. Also attendance alerts are not usually issued until 10.30.
Swan had told me that there had been another incident with her nan and that she could not face school crying and instinctively walked to me. I have never seen her that upset. I keep thinking about the cruel things that have been said to her and how it will affect her self esteem.
By 9.40 am my son had texted to ask if she was here and I said she was and that I had emailed the SW. I spoke to the social worker shortly after who at first was concerned about her getting to school. Swan was refusing and talked to her at length about her problems.
SW said that nan was very remorseful (again) and suggested that since she was sleeping over the following night… I should keep her for respite until Thursday.
Swan went to school both days and no doubt felt bad about returning to nan. SW met her there after school to settle her back and to be honest I find her to be lovely and fair.
It’s with frustration I send this message, as it’s the second attempt
the last was lost 
To cut a long story short, swan
Turned up on my doorstep on Tuesday morning in tears and a mini panic attack. I was getting ready for work, so I called them and listened to everything my child had to say. I had the notion that social workers go into work at 9am and then have a meeting until ten. Previous scull worker was never available until then. Also attendance alerts are not usually issued until 10.30.
Swan had told me that there had been another incident with her nan and that she could not face school crying and instinctively walked to me. I have never seen her that upset. I keep thinking about the cruel things that have been said to her and how it will affect her self esteem.
By 9.40 am my son had texted to ask if she was here and I said she was and that I had emailed the SW. I spoke to the social worker shortly after who at first was concerned about her getting to school. Swan was refusing and talked to her at length about her problems.
SW said that nan was very remorseful (again) and suggested that since she was sleeping over the following night… I should keep her for respite until Thursday.
Swan went to school both days and no doubt felt bad about returning to nan. SW met her there after school to settle her back and to be honest I find her to be lovely and fair.
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
SW then came straight to mine and remarked that it was a trek for swan. It’s actually a main road of 0.7 miles and it’s a daily commute for school children. I was thankful that her remark had no suspicious undertones to it and after being with me for two hours… remarked on how my home is a completely different vibe. There were quite a few mentions of scenarios if swan
We’re to live with me again. She only had one concern and it was that swan may not tell a professional if I was unwell out of loyalty.
Swan had only seen me unwell once and she is now a vocal preteen who would now know from experience and for that matter! So would I!
It had been mentioned in a previous phone call that the long term goal was reunification but she has said let’s focus on the short term and see if the placement gets better or worse. SW did say that any interventions that were fulfilled last time have almost gone to waste and that ‘they are all of the same opinion’
We have now discussed placement with parent as something that is going to happen. We’ve discussed finances and logistics. And are planning to organise a pep and lac review soon.
Currently there is no IRO
We’re to live with me again. She only had one concern and it was that swan may not tell a professional if I was unwell out of loyalty.
Swan had only seen me unwell once and she is now a vocal preteen who would now know from experience and for that matter! So would I!
It had been mentioned in a previous phone call that the long term goal was reunification but she has said let’s focus on the short term and see if the placement gets better or worse. SW did say that any interventions that were fulfilled last time have almost gone to waste and that ‘they are all of the same opinion’
We have now discussed placement with parent as something that is going to happen. We’ve discussed finances and logistics. And are planning to organise a pep and lac review soon.
Currently there is no IRO
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
I can stress how lovely she SW is. God love her for listening to Swan.
SWan has mentioned wanting to her Nan when she remarked “why are you putting makeup on that fat face”
I know it’s broken Swan
She asked to borrow my phone and later I found many deleted images of attempts to make her face slimmer. Distorting and pulling it.
Anyway…. Swan is willing to see how things go
What else can she do.
I have wrote a proper Sal for SW with a respite plan of whole weekends for if things get tense again, but
I’m willing for it to action now bc I think it will be good for swan.
SWan has mentioned wanting to her Nan when she remarked “why are you putting makeup on that fat face”
I know it’s broken Swan
She asked to borrow my phone and later I found many deleted images of attempts to make her face slimmer. Distorting and pulling it.
Anyway…. Swan is willing to see how things go
What else can she do.
I have wrote a proper Sal for SW with a respite plan of whole weekends for if things get tense again, but
I’m willing for it to action now bc I think it will be good for swan.
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
Please excuse the broken posts… but I didn’t want to write a novel and then lose it.
I do worry about what nan said about turning the screw if I get close to parenting full time again. Minworry that my ex husband will do what he did last time and blow up!
Especially since he pays my mum a lot of maintenance and he would rather saw off a leg than me have that. SW said I would not get anything but child benefit for swan as I’m not a foster carer and universal credit do not pay for a looked after child. I care very little about the money and will share all I have with swan… so I don’t want that to look like OR be a barrier. It’s a shame that swan has had to live in a volatile situation for her to vote with her feet and be listened to
But I guess time changes everything and my 4.5 years well and stable have taught me that.
I can
Remember earlier in the year when swan said… I’m going to run away and I replied in a text, you mustn’t run away
I’ll have to take you back.
What has taken her from promising me she wouldn’t to impulsively carrying on to my home is I think the sheer feeling of having enough. What do you think Suzy & Winter? Any advice
I do worry about what nan said about turning the screw if I get close to parenting full time again. Minworry that my ex husband will do what he did last time and blow up!
Especially since he pays my mum a lot of maintenance and he would rather saw off a leg than me have that. SW said I would not get anything but child benefit for swan as I’m not a foster carer and universal credit do not pay for a looked after child. I care very little about the money and will share all I have with swan… so I don’t want that to look like OR be a barrier. It’s a shame that swan has had to live in a volatile situation for her to vote with her feet and be listened to
But I guess time changes everything and my 4.5 years well and stable have taught me that.
I can
Remember earlier in the year when swan said… I’m going to run away and I replied in a text, you mustn’t run away
I’ll have to take you back.
What has taken her from promising me she wouldn’t to impulsively carrying on to my home is I think the sheer feeling of having enough. What do you think Suzy & Winter? Any advice
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HopingMamu
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2025 6:45 am
Re: Moving forward
Sw also thanked me for stepping up for swan and she understood my reason for not reporting it immediately. Swan remarked on her empathy and I thought that was quite endearing
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