Help to change SS "opinion" that I'm a risk.

[Tyl23]

In 2013 my son was placed in adoption by ******** SS. A year before in 2012 I had two allegations made against me. One of texting my daughter saying i was grooming her (we had been watching Austin powers The shy that shagged me and I was messing around quoting the movie... yeah I know really stupid). My daughters mother looked on her phone and didnt even ask what it was about she just went straight to SS. And the other allegation was of me "touching" my daughter. I was questioned under caution both times. I was never arrested in relation to the allegations and it never went to court. I'm not a sex offenders register and never have been. My ex has been everything in the past to stop me from seeing my children (now 21 and my son 19) I was in and out of court for 11 years just to keep contact. The judge even told me ex if she broke the order she could face a jail term. I honestly believe this was a "sliver bullet" allegation. Sadly, SS were he'll bent on believing this nonsense and now see me as a risk. I've been told I'm not allowed near my sister's kids (also in care for other reasons). I understand that when SS form an opinion that opinion is written in stone. But what can I do about It? My ex was a bully to my daughter. My daughter asked to move in. My daughter had run from home 5 times before the allegations were made to me. She ran after her mother after the allegations to me and hugged me saying it was all her mother. But for reason my daughter won't talk to me now. We haven't talked in 7 years. My gf's has a daughter (aged 10) and I refuse to meet her until I know evil SS won't start any problems. Can I got them to remove me as I risk? Could I take SS to court for deformation of character? They treat me like a paedophile when I've never done anything. And no, my daughter is not going to get involved. All help welcome.

[Tyl23]

Replying to my own post just to say this site is clearly utter rubbish. Must be run by social workers cos you're no help at all.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

In 2013 my son was placed in adoption by ******** SS. A year before in 2012 I had two allegations made against me. One of texting my daughter saying i was grooming her (we had been watching Austin powers The shy that shagged me and I was messing around quoting the movie... yeah I know really stupid). My daughters mother looked on her phone and didnt even ask what it was about she just went straight to SS. And the other allegation was of me "touching" my daughter. I was questioned under caution both times. I was never arrested in relation to the allegations and it never went to court. I'm not a sex offenders register and never have been. My ex has been everything in the past to stop me from seeing my children (now 21 and my son 19) I was in and out of court for 11 years just to keep contact. The judge even told me ex if she broke the order she could face a jail term. I honestly believe this was a "sliver bullet" allegation. Sadly, SS were he'll bent on believing this nonsense and now see me as a risk. I've been told I'm not allowed near my sister's kids (also in care for other reasons). I understand that when SS form an opinion that opinion is written in stone. But what can I do about It? My ex was a bully to my daughter. My daughter asked to move in. My daughter had run from home 5 times before the allegations were made to me. She ran after her mother after the allegations to me and hugged me saying it was all her mother. But for reason my daughter won't talk to me now. We haven't talked in 7 years. My gf's has a daughter (aged 10) and I refuse to meet her until I know evil SS won't start any problems. Can I got them to remove me as I risk? Could I take SS to court for deformation of character? They treat me like a paedophile when I've never done anything. And no, my daughter is not going to get involved. All help welcome.

Dear Tyl23

Welcome the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear of the distress you have experienced in relation to the adoption of your son and keeping in contact with your children.

You have described how children’s services became involved with your children (who are now adults) seven years ago due to allegations that you had groomed and ‘touched’ your daughter. You were never arrested or convicted of any criminal offence but, you explain, the allegations were taken very seriously by children’s services and the matter was dealt with in private law family proceedings when you sought contact with your children. You are not allowed contact with your sister’s children who are in foster care.

As you are probably aware, police and children’s services have different roles and work to different standards of proof. Children’s services are responsible for safeguarding and may take the view that although the police have insufficient evidence to proceed with a case, it does not mean that the particular incident did not happen or that no safeguarding concerns exist. Children’s services consider whether on the ‘balance of probability’ something is more likely to have happened than not. These can mean that children’s services continue to have concerns that an adult may pose a risk of sexual harm to a child even when a police investigation has not resulted in a prosecution.

In your situation, now that you are involved in a new relationship with a mother of a 10 year old girl, you are wondering how you can address the concerns that children’s services may have that you would pose a risk to the child should you have contact with her. You have taken a sensible approach by not meeting your partner’s daughter.

Have you told your partner about the past allegations, the circumstances that lead to your son’s adoption and your understanding of children’s services’ current view? As you are not the child’s father and have no parental responsibility for her you have no specific right to contact with her. Her mother, however, is legally responsible for her as a parent with parental responsibility and this means that she is expected to make safe decisions for her daughter including with whom she comes into contact.

You are understandably wanting to get on with your life and want to know how you can get children’s services to remove you as a risk. Remember that children’s services’ focus is on the safety and welfare of the child.

For the reasons you have explained you are right to be aware that children’s services would likely become involved in undertaking an assessment of the child’s needs and how her mother can best protect her especially as there were allegations of grooming as well as touching.

Any assessment would involve them looking at your history and previous involvement and assessing what this means for your partner’s child. Social workers would want to clarify your partner’s perception of any risk you might hold. As you are not the child’s father, children’s services might not do a specific risk assessment of you but might strongly recommend that your partner does not allow you to play a role in her daughter’s life. However, your partner could ask what work could be done to address any risk factors. There is lots of helpful advice and information on the Parents’ Protect website.

The outcome of the assessment and what happens next will depend on the specific details and individual circumstances involved; including any risks/concerns, the arrangements that are in place/proposed and your partner’s ability to protect her child. It will be important for your partner and you to work closely with children’s services, understand their role and carefully consider any recommendations that are made. Our advice sheets on family support and child protection provide more detail about assessments and plans that can be made.

If you would like legal advice about taking children’s services to court for defamation of character you could discuss that with a solicitor; you can find a solicitor via the Law Society find a solicitor website.

I hope this is helpful to you.

With best wishes

Suzie

[Tyl23]

Addressing my own reply to my post. Please accept my apologies. This whole matter has taken a big toll on me.
My partner's daughter is living with my partner's grandparents as my partner had her at a very young age (14 I think). She ( my partner's daughter) is under special gurardship. I've written to social services to complain about the fact that they treat me like a convicted paedophile. I've outlined where I feel they got it wrong. My daughters mother wanted me out the picture for years. I was in and out of court to get contact for 11 years (on and off). My daughter suffered a dislocated arm due to her mother when my daughter was 5. I had to take her to hospital as my ex wouldn't. My daughter would run away from home to me as her mother was (as my daughter claims) bullying her. My daughter asked to live with me and just a week later these allegations were made. Good timing for me ex. I'm still waiting to hear from social services. I've given them one month to reply before I take matters further. I understand that SS are a law onto themselves. I was training to be an addiction counsellor before this started. So I understand all to well the need to safeguard children. Thank you for your reply.

[AANCM]

Hi I was wondering if there is an update on your situation? Did you speak to Ss, are you in your partners daughter life now?