HAVING TO LIE TO KEEP MY KIDS ITS SO WRONG

[HOPE43]

Hi
I'm new to this site but after reading similar stories to mine has made me feel not so isolated in this horrid situation.
I have just had a visit today from social worker to review my parental assessment which I have been under for the last 8 weeks. I now have another month and a half to wait to hear what outcome of it is and whether social services will be recommending the kids to live with their dad and with me only at the weekend.
This threat has now resorted to me not being truthful about my daughters behaviour which to me feels so wrong and unfair that I should have to withhold concerning information in order to keep my children.
The system is corrupt and I feel they have failed to help us as a family infact have made things worse overall.
Id love to hear from anyone on here as I feel very alone no one understanding my side of the story no one willing to stand up to social services on my behalf. It just ends up me trying to fight the system which then they turn everything around and put it down to my mental health and is a passport to their descision of taking them away as I'm not consistant in my parenting just because I have a daughter who is violent towards me and I'm struggling to cope.
Hope everyone on here is winning their battles.
x

[Ignatious]

Sorry to read about the situation your in. I myself have suffered at the hands of children's services / first response.

My story

Having had significant involvement with the 'services' for over the last 5 years. I really hope for your sake they do not find out you've lied. Even just not saying something to them can get you in a lot of bother. "But you never mentioned that before"

In my above situation, the 'services' know what a section 47 is whilst almost certainly any parent unless they've specifically looked into it does not. It is not an easy task to stand up to them, but I think if your cause is just then fight truthfully and honestly, with passion and conviction. Dot your 'i's', cross your 't's' and fight. My situation is still ongoing but I truly and honestly believe I have a VERY strong case against the injustice(s) I and my family suffered last year and cant wait for my Stage 3 Complaint to go through.

From what I can gather your daughter has violent tendencies. If Social are not aware of the problem they cant help. I too have a very challenging child. For the most part we have received support. If I feel there is more that could be done I will try to manage the system to suit my needs for the sake of the child. In your case, I feel there should be help and support that they can provide.

On a parting note. Children's services are there for the child. What are her wishes and feelings in all of this?

I wish you luck.

[HOPE43]

Thanks for your reply.

I have been very honest to social services in every way possible and I am now learning that honesty doesn't seem to be helping me. They know about my daughters violence and I have done several parenting courses but still having trouble coping. So social services view is, if my daughter is still angry and violent with me, then that is down to my parenting and mental health and there is no more they can offer me to help, so the easiest option for them is to place my children with their dad.
Not sure if you think the same as the social workers and maybe I should just give up hope and stop fighting to keep my kiddies.

The thing is which makes me so angry is I left my ex to protect my kiddies from his behaviour which was emotionally abusive and he is still extremely angry, hostile and abusive towards me, of which the police have advised had to give him a harassment warning and not to have any further contact with me or he will be arrested.

But in social services eyes he is the perfect father that gives the kids stability in their lives and ignore any concerns I say about him, even the fact that they both get really anxious about going to his and cry and my daughter particularly says she doesn't want to go to her dads and has a complete melt down but social services choose to ignore this.

It makes me really angry and frustrated and some days think I should just give in to social services and let them place them with their dad, but it terrifies me to think he will poison their minds against me even more than he has done already and they will be influenced by his anger and behaviour and I will lose them forever.......... therefore my life would end..........

[Ignatious]

Hell no. For the most part I personally want any involvement regarding what I call Social Services interference to just go away. As I'm sure you do.

Do whatever it takes (and obviously within the law) to protect and safeguard your kids. Whatever it takes. Most importantly NEVER stop fighting for your kids.

My first and immediate reaction to your reply was SC seem to be taking an easier option and not dealing with the issue which from your reply stares at me. I do not know what support you have had in the past but from your posts, there is a clear indication your daughters behaviour is clearly an issue. Has counselling been suggested. It may be worth speaking with your GP for help and advice (I'm presuming that's where you would initially go for this kind of support).

Social Services should be acting in the child's best interests and should take into account the wishes and feelings of the child. If you are that concerned that they are not acting in the best interests of the child, ask to speak with your social workers line manager. I wouldn't recommend it unless your complaint is genuine, but if you feel they are not acting professionally, there may be grounds for a complaint. Ask your Social Worker for a complaints form which if I am not mistaken they can not refuse to give you if you request.

TP

P.S. - Keep that chin up, Being a parent is possibly the hardest job in the world.