I am a mum of 5, in a 15 year long relationship. i have had a long history of social services involvement and need some advice, my children have never been placed on CPP but have been through the child in need system twice,
I am going to change some minor details as im worried about what im about to say but everything will be the truth,
I have a LONG history of drug use, in fact i have used drugs for 20 years, (cannabis) I have always been honest with social services when asked about my drug use, i have never hidden anything from them and i have NEVER used drugs around my children and I am NOT their sole carer,
my middle son died in 2015 in a road traffic accident (the fault of the other driver) i was not there at the time (so was not drug driving something i would NEVER do) however when my son died my drug use escalated so i was using a LOT, in fact i was smoking all day every day,
most of the times i have been reported to social services has not been around my drug use but unsubstantiated reports from a neighbour with a grudge against me due to me making numerous complaints to the council regarding their conduct ect, they always investigated and then took no further action, except the child in need which my disabled child is by default
I have a severely disabled child, he has a rare condition, he is 13 and is non verbal and has the mental age of a 18 month old, hence the child in need involvement, they provided weekly respite and support with his care, he destroys the house on a daily basis and things did get very bad, i will admit the house was a hazard to my other children, especially when my youngest baby was born (now 18 months old)
however, when my baby was born i made substantial improvements to the house, and friends now tell me my house is very nice, and very much improved, there is a few dents in walls and floors but nothing too major and no hazards, i have spent a lot of time and effort (and money) in making sure my house was good environment for my children,
my severely disabled child has an issue with fecal smearing, and a fascination with his poo, (and his anus) relavance to this will come later
in june last year 2016, his respite was stopped due to the closure of the residential unit he was staying in (he stayed for 42 nights a year), he was deemed unable to be fostered, an assesment was done as to his level of need was done and was found to need exceptional support (all related to his health and abilities) and i was told some respite was going to be sorted out ASAP, however despite numerous assesments this support was NEVER put in place,
i was reported again to social services, this time due to home conditions and my canabis use (which i had previously disclosed to social services of my own accord) it was also reported that i left my middle child (age 9) home alone with my then 5 month old baby, for extended periods of time, regulary, this was investigated and she spoke to the child and it was determined again that no further action would be taken,
fast forward to december, december the 15th i decided to stop using canabis, this has not been easy but i have done it and was very proud of myself for managing to do this
i have saved huge sums of money (£190 a WEEK!!) and have put this into my house and my children,, and i still am, and very proud of myself for finally realising the financial impact it was having on my family! and also the impact on my eldest children who despite i dont do it aroundthem they must know about it and i put them first)
ok so all was going great, or so i thought, I wont say stopping my drug use was easy, its been the hardest thing i have ever done but i am commited to staying clean, I have attended NA meetings, both locally and online, (yes i know very early days)
on 20 december, at 8:45am my sons social worker accompanied by her manager knocked on my door, my son had just gone to school,my partner had taken him, the area around my front door smelled slighlty of canabis (as a neighbour had stood just inside the door talking to my partner as his son also attends the same school he had stood there for 10 mins holding a lit joint) the children had allready left and i told him to leave!! i had only just woken up as i have a injury and am taking codeine for this injury and was tired,
10 mins after he had left the social worker arrived with her manager, we were halfway through pulling up the stairs carpet as the money i had saved on not taking drugs had gone on a new carpet, they were allowed in the hallway but i asked them to leave, they didnt make clear why they were there just that they had concerns about the children, i told them i would not allow them any further at that stage as it was my disabled childs last day at school and i wouldnt have chance to pull up the carpet when he was not at school and the new carpet was being fitted the next day and i was very busy/ill/tired. the manager did tell the social worker that in that case they would have to leave but made it clear they would be back, they then asked about the drug use, i told them i had stopped, they obv didnt beleive me and stated they were concerned as they could smell canabis in the house, (they stood where the friend had been smoking) she asked about the carpet and i explained as it was litrally half up at this point and was laying on the stairs (the top had been pulled up but the bottom had not)
they returned 2 days later at the same time (8:45am) i allowed them access to the house, they were demanding to see the childrens rooms, i initially refused as i was fearful as my son is a fecal smearer and does this daily (he is 13) but once they said they were doing a section 47 i obv then knew i HAD to allow them access to the rooms, and the children, i stated i was very scared as i hadnt seen my sons room that morning yet, as his dad had got him up and ready and i hadnt been in there so i was unaware of the state of it, she stated not to worry as they could tell fresh fecal smearing from old and that they were there to check he was not being neglected and left in his own faeces.
the new carpet had been fitted and the house was clean and tidy, luck has it so was my sons room as his dad had cleaned up the mess at 3am that morning and he had not smeared after, there was however a slight "aroma" to the room,
once they had looked around the house and saw (but not spoke the children) they told me they had numeros serious concerns about the children i will list these here,
they had recived an anon report that
1, my 18 month old was kept in a car seat and pushchair 24/7 and is nevre allowed to play/walk around the house (untrue)
2, my house was "squalid and dirty" (also untrue) i have sent pictures to numerous people after they left to people i know would be honest with me and they all say it looks lovely,
3, i smoke canabis all day around my children, (i did smoke canabis till the 15th but had quit by the time social services arrived and NEVER around my children
and here comes the nail in my coffin
the school had reported that they had found faeces in between my sons toes on 2 days prior,
i can only take a guess as to how that got there, im aware this raises serious concerns about the welfare of my child,
they had a meeting and contacted the police, they said the police have concerns although i have no idea as to the nature of these concerns as we have had no involvment with the police since the death of my son,
my son gets a bus to a special needs school with many other children who attend the same school, my son often puts his hands down the back of his nappy (its a adult nappy)and picks piecees of faeces out of his anus, he also takes his shoes and socks off while on the bus, the bus has 1 driver, 1 helper (to around 12 severly disabled children) so my guess as to how the fecal matter got in between his toes is that he put it there during the journey to school on both days, my son has a shower (to remove any bodily fluids and fecal matter) and then a bath as he loves having a bath but cannot bathe untill after his shower as it wouldnt be hygenic to do so in my opinion so my son has a shower AND a bath every morning.
they did not tell me what they thought of the home conditions but i am very worried because as they were leaving i asked if i would be sensible getting legal advice, the manager just nodded.
they asked about my canabis use, i told them i had stopped but they didnt seem to belive this despite me ALLWAYS being honest with social services on all previous occasions,
so that was the last i heard of this matter, (i have heard nothing since the visit on the 23rd decemberbut the offices will have been closed)
i have managed to stay off the drugs and my house is clean and tidy, in fact i have taken even further steps to avoid his fecal smearing which have involved 15 mins observational checks on my teenager all through the night and this has been succesful (despte making me extremly tired)
so thats the whole unadulterated truth, i have a few questions,
if they were going to take any emergency action would they have been able to do this over the xmas period or is it possible they will now seek to take emergency action, (ie remove the children)
If they ask for a drugs test im screwed as the research i have done suggests due to my long term drug use, canabis would remain in my bloodstream for up to 50 days after stopping (so i would still test positive were they to request a drugs test) and will continue to be deposited into my hair for 15 days AFTER that, so it will 65 days untill my hair shows my abstinence, if they want a drugs test i have no way to prove i have stopped on the 15th and i feel im about to loose my children, they are acting too late, i will be honest and say they should have acted a year ago, when my house was a state and my drug use was really bad, I feel they have failed to help by stopping his respite (which they assessed in june he needed urgently)
i feel like my stopping my drug use is too late and there is nothing i can now do
i am staying clean but im worried this wont have any bearing on the case as i will still be testing positive for up to 65 days If they ask for child protection plan, i will work with them fully but can they demand drug testing on a child protection plan?, (i will still be testing positive untill febuary) there is no way to prove my abstinence, I really dont know what to do, we have had christmas ruined (although the children dont know that) and this worry is putting undue pressure and stress on my relationship, i feel im in a sinking boat with no way out,
they didnt ask when i stopped, so if i tell them i stoppedon 15th december will this be seen as too late (was before i knew they were comming round and i made the decision to stop off my own back and did without their involvement, if they doa drugs test will they take into account that heavy canabis users can test positive long after they have stopped?
will they give me a chance to prove i have stopped, Ie wait a little longer to take into account the amount of time it can stay in my body for, im continuing to attend NA meetings and want to use the local drugs and alcohol misuese service but feel if i refer myself now, this will look ike i stopped AFTER their visit when in fact i stopped nearly a week before their visit, and would the codiene i have taken (on prescription)be used against me as i know that codeine/heroin/morphoine/methadone all look identical on a drugs test, so if tested now i would test positive for opiates AND canabis
what can i do?
is it too late!??