my neighbours kids

[Mia.U]

Hi there to everyone

I'm a parent, but am not asking about my own babies. I'm scared for my neighbours kids. she's a nice lady, but her man pushes her around. I can hear them shouting and I've seen her with a hughe bruise on her arm and shoulder. And week when I got home she was sitting outside her house crying. She said he was having one of his outbursts and wouldn't let her inside the house. When I got inside my house I could hear the baby crying, I was so scared he would do something to him. A friend of mine said I should have phone the police, but she doesn't want that. she says they would take her kids away and that she has no choice but to put up with him. Is that true, would the kids be taken away? And what would happen to my neighbour, i mean he is the one doing all this.

Mia.U

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Mia

Thanks for registering and posting on our new board.

It sounds like your neighbour and her kids are having a very difficult time of it. I think that Mum needs help urgently and that Children’s Services (CS), the new name for social services, would be worried that the children may get hurt - either physically, by being caught in the cross fire between the parents and being injured themselves, or emotionally, by being traumatised by seeing their mother hurt or believing that she/they will be hurt.

You could give Mum Women’s Aid contact details. They have a 24 hour emergency help line which is free and confidential and they are experts in dealing with these situations.

If you decided to call the police or CS this is what is would happen.

The police would decide whether any urgent action was needed to protect mum and children and whether Mum’s partner needed to be arrested and removed from the home. They would then also contact CS to let them know that they had been called to a home where children had witnessed domestic abuse.

CS would assess what protection would be needed including whether the children need to be removed but this shouldn’t be their first course of action. Instead they should ask, “Is it safe for Mum and the children to stay at the address? If not, where could they go?” e.g. a refuge, or re housed in a new home? If they stayed in the same home then can the home be made secure? They can refer to domestic violence organisations for both parents. If mum wanted to stay together with her partner CS would assess whether this is safe for the children and what help could mum and her partner could get to deal with the violence. If CS feels it is not safe and mum refuses to leave her partner, CS might at this point consider their options in removing the children. Our advice sheet on child protection sets out the process of assessment that CS would use and also looks at the question of removing the children who are in immediate significant harm.

If you want to talk it over with someone you could call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 which is open Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3.30pm. The line is free and confidential. Or others may want to share their experience on the board.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Mia.U]

Hi Suzie

thank you for replying so quickly - I don't think she will call women's aid for help, but I said to her that she can come over anytime or drop the kids off. What do you mean by

can the home be made secure?

And all this assessing by children's services - so they could force her to decide between him and the kids? Because I don't think she would want her kids to go into a home. And what does

immediate significant harm

mean?

Mia.U

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Mia,
Thank you for coming back to us-Here are the answers to your questions:

“can the home be made secure”

If Mums partner had agreed to move out/ or had been removed by the police, and Mum wants to stay with the children in her home but is worried that her partner may come back and try and break into the home, then it can be possible for the police or the housing authority to adapt the building to make it harder for him to do so. Usually, grills can be put on the windows and doors made more secure. The home can have an alarm button directly to the police station.

“Force her to decide between him and the kids”

As an adult she could not be forced to make a decision but ultimately Mum may risk having her children placed on a child protection plan or removed if she did not put her children’s safety first. If Mum wanted her partner to remain in the home then I would recommend that she discuss the consequences of this with the social worker.

Immediate significant harm

Significant harm means that a child is suffering ”ill treatment or impairment of health or development” which includes seeing or hearing another person being ill treated. Immediate means that a child is in imminent danger.
If CS thought this was the case, then they would look to make plans straight away for the partner to move out of the home and for Mum not to allow him to return; or for Mum to flee with the children to a refuge or other safe place or if for her to agree for the children to go into care or for proceedings to take place. Please see our advice sheet on child protection.
I hope this answers your questions.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Mia.U]

Thanx Suzie. she's coming over later. I'll tell her about all this and that she doesn't have to worry about loosing the kids, so long as she get's rid of him. Mia

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

OK. Post again Mia if you want. Suzie