Kids father found guilty of sex assault on minor

[Dee-Bee38]

On the 20th July this year my partner and the father of my kids has been found guilty of sexual assault on a minor. I am so confused by everything. We had split up when our baby was 3 weeks old, we also have twin boys too. He never made any contact with me or his children for almost 2 years and then in October last year he contacted me to tell me that he was in trouble with the police and was looking at having up to a 10 year prison sentence. He initially told me he was accused of money laundering but as his court date approached he told me that he was in fact being charged with sexual assault on a minor. All the way through our relationship he has lied so it was no surprise when he admitted he'd lied. I decided to try and stick by him through all of this. I asked him to show me the statements and what evidence they had against him. He continually refused. I asked him to allow me permission to speak to his solicitors but he has refused. The day after he was convicted I contacted the victims Mother and certain things were said to me which made things a lot clearer about what had happened. He has had to sign the sex offenders register and is awaiting sentencing on the 5th September. He had his first meeting with his probation officer and he had to tell him that he had kids. I don't know anything about what happens next for me and my kids. I know that he is not allowed to be alone with ANY child but if his kids want to see their dad, what is the procedure? How long will it be before I am contacted by social services? Can social services enlighten me with any details of what was said during his trial. I cannot understand how he was convicted if there was no evidence against him apart from the girls word. Is there any way I can get copies of the transcripts of the trial? I have to have some kind of closure to all this mess and I can't get this closure because I know nothing apart from what he has told me and to be honest it is probably all lies. Please I don't need anyone telling me to stay away from him because I intend to and do everything the legal way because I love my kids more than life itself. All this is making me ill. I have lost over 3 stone in weight in 2 months. I can't eat or sleep. I just simply need closure to this. Yes I still love him but I can't be with him but I still need the answers to my questions so I can start my healing process. Thank you.

[TKH]

Honey, I can't answere your questions but I can say that it would NOT even have made it to court if their was not a strong case against him. Don't wait to be told that he is a danger to children - accept it !

[Murray72]

Dee-Bee,

I am surprised that Social Sevices are not involved already and cannot understand why they have failed to contact you, I can only think they believe your ex is not in any contact with any Children. My ex was charged and found guilty of a non contact criminal offence involving Children and Social Services referal team were on the phone within days of his first arrest. He was on bail for a subsequent 9 months before any charges were brought.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Deebee38

Welcome to the board.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in.

In your post, if I understand rightly, you say that your ex partner has been convicted with sexual assault on a minor, and that he is on the sex offender’s register, is prohibited from having any contact with children, and now awaiting sentencing.

Throughout your relationship you had suspicions that your child’s father had lied to you, and that he went out of his way to deceive, and hide vital evidence from you.

It is concerning that he clearly preyed on your vulnerabilities and kind nature. Furthermore, it is not evident if your ex partner is on remand or is on bail at the current time, and whether he had continued to have contact with your children during this period, whilst he awaits sentence.

Without further delay, I would approach your local Children’s Services to seek advice in relation to your situation, agreeing to cooperate with any assessments that may be undertaken, and a written undertaking to state that you will not have any further contact with him. There seems to have been some delay about information being relayed from probation, during which time your children could have been at risk.

Children’s Services will want to be satisfied you are fully aware of the implications and dangers to your children, what actions you chose to or could have been reasonably expected to take once you became aware of the alleged offences by their father.

They will probably wish to complete a core assessment want to know how far and what measures you are willing to take to keep them safe, and why you did not seek help earlier. For instance, any recent evidence of him having unsupervised contact with the children, or you visiting him in prison with the children, would raise alarm signals about your relationship having ended, as you suggest.

It is likely, an initial child protection conference, will be convened, to see what concerns if any are outstanding, and any support you may need to help you in the safeguarding your children. However, they may decide they are content that you would engage with any family support that is offered, and that it is appropriate to work with you under a child in need plan.

If you wish to discuss your situation in more detail, you can contact the advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 – 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes



Suzie

[Dee-Bee38]

Thank you for your responses. I actually made contact with Social Services myself yesterday. Believe me I have tried several times to contact them before but stopped myself. The sense of relief I felt after the phone call was immense. I spoke to him too yesterday and he is still trying to burden me with his rubbish. He lost his job yesterday and told me about wanting to kill himself. He fells absolutely no way about dumping all this on me. As for him seeing the kids, as I told ss yesterday I stopped him after he was found guilty. I feel as if I am being suffocated by all this. I think that we as partners/ ex partners of sex offenders are often the forgotten victims. As Mothers we have our parenting put under the microscope. It's hard right now but I know that things will get better with time. It's just finding that 'light at the end of the tunnel'
Thank you so much.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Dee-Bee38

Thanks for the update. I am glad you found it useful speaking to Children's Services. Did they indicate whether they would be completing any assessments to establish what support, if any they could offer you at this time?

In terms of any expert help you could access, in the meantime, you could try the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, because amongst other things, they have experience in supporting family members effected by issues of sexual abuse, and can be contacted on 0808 1000 900 http://lucyfaithfull.org/.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[Dee-Bee38]

They took all my details. I have dealings with them before because of issues with my ex so they know some of the stuff I have had to deal with before. She said that they would be in contact with me but I think I am going to contact her again today because I want the best help for the children. I don't want to be seen as a Mother who isn't really bothered by all this because obviously it is breaking me day by day. I will do anything for my children because their safety is paramount in all this mess. It's awful because there is hardly any help available for people in my situation but for the offenders they are given help and advice freely. I have found a man who has set up a website with regards to sex offenders and he himself is a survivor of sexual abuse. He has been very helpful and has told me if I need to talk to him I can which at this very distressing time is a little light for me. Being on here has helped me because I can talk freely without having to show people who I am. There is a big stigma with being the partner of a sex offender and there's a lot of shame too. I can't thank you enough.