False allegation made by my child

[1234_]

Hi, my daughter told her teacher that her dad (my husband) kicked her in the eye, hit her and tried to suffocate her, and also that he punches our 3yo boy.

The school called the police and Children's Services. My husband was arrested and released a couple of hours later under investigation, no bail conditions set.

The next day my daughter told me she lied. A few days later she told the teacher she lied and she also wrote it in her handwriting book which the school have now kept.

Social worker has told my husband that he has to stay elsewhere and only see the children supervised. Yet he has then later said he cannot be in the house with me and the children as there are 3 of them and i cannot be everywhere all of the time. We asked what about in a car or public space can my husband be with us and his response was 'well you're lucky you're getting what you're getting because the police would usually impose bail conditions where you'd see them only 2 hours a week at a contact centre'. - So still no answer on that one.

My kids are crying themselves to sleep at night, waking up multiple times a night. Writing on all of their pictures and letters 'i love daddy, i miss daddy, i want daddy to come home' etc. My 5yo boy is so stressed he is being physically sick in school, they have admitted to us that they can see his stress levels are so high and he's really struggling. - I feel like my children are being abused by these arrangements and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it :'(

The social worker met my girl twice, once on the day of the allegation for about 15 minutes and once since for about 20 mins. He's met my middle boy once for about 20 mins and my youngest he hasn't spoken to at all. Both children are saying they haven't seen him in school ever. Now we've received a letter saying it's going to a child protection conference on Monday - 16 working days after it all started, when it should have been done within 15 days. We have had no reports through so we don't know what else he might have written down.

I feel that the fact i cannot supervise the contact yet grandparents apparently can is ridiculous.

How is the child protection conference likely to go? How can i get daddy home for the sake of my children?!!!!!! He's done nothing wrong

[Miserylovescompany2]

My suggestion would be to get yourself a good solicitor forthwith before this escalates further. There would have been a meeting for all professionals including the police prior to the date being set for the conference. You can take a solicitor with you however they are not permitted to speak.

Good luck!

[1234_]

We have contacted a few solicitors but they won't get involved unless court proceedings are initiated. Are there any recommended solicitors that could help us at this stage?

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello - if you type in your search engine - solicitor who deals with child protection - then enter your town/county. This should throw up some results.

There is also information about child protection conferences on one of the FRG fact sheets. If you go back to the main page and click on the link you should find the relevant one.

I am just a parent like yourself. Unfortunately no use whatsoever at doing links.

My advice would be to seek out legal representation from out of your home county. I made the mistake of choosing one close to my home. I regret doing so now.

Your CAB can also help - they have a great deal of information on child protection.

The best advice I can give is to put as much as you can in writing - keep a journal - make sure you enter times/date/visit/phone call and what was said etc.

You are currently stuck in the midst of your worst nightmare. Make sure you continue to meet your own needs. This is important. Do not lose your cool. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane - just make sure when you do need to vent it isn't in earshot of the children.

During the first conference you will meet the IRO (independent reviewing officer) they are an important person. One of their roles is to ensure Children's services are doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Everyone and their dog will be invited to this meeting. People who have had any connection to your children throughout their lives. Head teachers, teachers, school nurse ect. There will be people there you have never met reading about your family. The IRO will also of accessed any police records held on yourself and your partner. These will be read out.

There will be a vote at the end to decide whether the threshold has been met for a CPP. You don't get a vote.

I hope this helps. I don't mean to frighten you - I went in not knowing any of the above.

[1234_]

Thank you very very much for replying, much appreciated.

Are there any do's and dont's for the conference?

My child is being physically sick in school because of the stress of daddy being removed from the home, he doesn't understand what's happening or why daddy can't come home. I have pictures they've drawn for him, all saying how much they miss him and love him. I have a voice recording of my child waking up in the middle of the night crying because he misses daddy. Should i take any of this with me or will it just be used against me?

[Miserylovescompany2]

I wouldn't play the recording - Children's services might accuse you attempting to shift the focus from the meetings agenda. There is nothing stopping you from handing the pictures to your partner while everyone is seated and present.

If you are your partner feel it is getting too much? Politely excuse yourself and compose. Don't raise your voice or try and deflect from what is being said/discussed. You and your partner are just spectators with no real say for the most part. If you have supportive family or a close friend you could take them along for moral support. I won't lie, these meetings are harsh. There might even be reports that you have never laid eyes on until the actual day of the meeting. If this happens it is poor practice. You should have reports 3 days prior to the meeting. Children's services SHOULD be explaining the process every step of the way. Unfortunately this isn't always the case.

Ask questions. If you don't understand any part of what is being raised - ask - make sure you don't come across as argumentative.

There outcome of this varies. It might be decided that you don't meet the threshold and that CS still hold concerns and wish to monitor your family. Whatever the outcome it should be explained. If it decided you do meet the threshold then you should have a say in what support you feel your family need. CS might feel that assessments need to be carried out? Engage with them but also know when they are overstepping and not following their own guidelines.

I hope this helps?

[1234_]

We are getting SW report tomorrow and been told we will only get to see the other reports 15 minutes before the meeting which I don't think is very fair

[1234_]

Also is it worth bringing a solicitor? I know they can't speak for you but would their presence have any impact?

[Miserylovescompany2]

I would take a solicitor. Can I ask if after your child made the disclosure did CS insist on a medical examination? I ask because the allegation is of a serious nature.

With regard to having a solicitor present I think this will allow not only your legal team to see and hear concerns in real time rather than have a heightened parent attempt to relay back everything said. Their presence will place additional pressure on CS to follow protocol. I would imagine it would take some pressure off of you and your partner also.

The thing is with these types of cases CS expect the child to retract what they initially said. Many children do this when they have actually been harmed. Or have been coerced into doing so by a parent or sibling. Sometimes children mimic others, another child in the playground or even something they have watched on TV. They could of been given wrong/told off and lost out on some privileges and said things because they were angry at the parent and wanted to get them in trouble. Young children do not see the bigger picture. They live in the moment.

A good solicitor would know straight away if CS and police have acted appropriately. They will be able to look at all the information available. It is so important that you get yourself one ASAP. Some solicitors are better than others. I would trust your intuition - if one doesn't feel right. Keep looking.

[1234_]

Thank you very much for the reply. We will be finding a solicitor today. And no neither the police or SS have asked for a medical examination.