Stopped from attending meetings

[Ra123]

Hi ya

The SW in our case has banned from me all meetings at present, this includes Core Group Meetings, TAM meetings for our oldest boy etc. When I asked on what grounds it she said it was because my wife and I are seperated now (something they pressurised her into doing). I don't accept this reasoning as that doesn't seem valid enough for stopping me from attending. It feels like they are trying to shut me out of my wife and children's lives. Is this something they can legally do and if not how do I go about fighting it without getting wrapped up in all the red tape they will throw at me. This all seemed to come about after our CGM in January when I asked if there was plans to update the risk assessment SS did on me now that I have finished my perpetrator work. They have advised that if I go home (currently living away from the home as initially asked by SS - no court order keeping me away) they will apply for a court order to take our children away, even though my wife has told them she would like me back. Is this something the "independent" chair can help with or am I best seeking help elsewhere?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ra123

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for posting. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing and that you feel you are being shut out of your family’s life.

From what you say it sounds as if there is child protection plan in place for your children with a separate process (Team around the child?) in place for your oldest son. It seems that domestic violence is one of/the issue of concern. You have been working with the child protection plan, have completed a domestic violence perpetrators’ group and queried if the risk assessment would be updated to take account of this.

Now that you and your wife have separated (which you think she agreed to under pressure) the social worker has said that you cannot attend future meetings. You are querying this. When there is domestic violence and a couple are living apart because of this, meetings will often be held in a “split” way where parents are invited to attend parts of the meeting separately, for the safety of the victim of domestic violence. Or the parent who is not the primary carer for the children may be invited to meet with the social worker (and in the case of a conference – with the Chair) separately – sometimes before or after the original meeting. Again this is to promote the safety of the victim of domestic violence.

You use the word ‘banned’ so I am not sure if you mean that you have been formally excluded from meetings? Children’s services can do this if you are assessed to pose a risk of harm (this can include intimidation) to your child, their mother or anyone else at the conference. They should be able to provide you with a copy of their policy on this, if that is the case.

I think you are right to ask (in writing) that they write to you explaining their decisions, with reasons, and notifying you of the arrangements they are planning to put in place to consult you and keep you informed about the plans for your children. They do need to continue to do this whilst they remain involved with your children. I would suggest that you put your request in writing to the social worker but copy in the team manager and the conference Chairperson too. The Chairperson has responsibility for managing the child protection conferences and is independent as they are not involved in managing the social worker involved.

It is important that the changes that you and your wife have made are reviewed including your completion of the perpetrators’ programme so you could also formally ask how that is being evaluated and ask that they reply to you within a reasonable timeframe. Here are some FAQS on child protection which I hope will be helpful to you.

You have been advised that if you return home then children’s services will begin court proceedings which could allow them to remove the children from you and your wife’s care. If they believe that the risk of significant harm to the children is so serious if you returned to the family home then they could take this step if necessary to protect the children. Here is a FAQ on care proceedings which explains more about this.

It may be that the child protection plan already states that there should be a legal planning meeting if it is not kept to or the situation changes.

It sounds as if up to now you have been committed to the child protection plan – by moving out, doing the perpetrators’ course etc. It is a good idea to continue to cooperate with the child protection plan as this allows your children to remain safely at home in their mother’s care. But as discussed above, of course the situation should be reviewed. If need be you can ask the social work to clarify what you need to do in order to reduce the risk that has been identified.

If you are really dissatisfied then you can make a complaint to Children’s Services’ Complaints department; here is some information about how to make a complaint. However, it is important to find a way of working with the core group, including the social worker, as they are going to remain involved for the near future and they are focused on the children’s needs and how to meet them. This should include involving you, safely too. Here are some tips.

I hope this is helpful.

With best wishes

Suzie