Well, the good news is you can
But the lucky lady in question (haha yes I do mean lucky, because I'm caring, repentant and safe guy and love her to bits and she knows it) has no children in her life, no ex's with children and only one sibling who has no children. Thus social services have no business with us and cannot break us. My probation officer 'requested' to meet her, so I brought her in to the office under the promise it was just an 'informal chat' where gory details were 'not necessary', it was just to check that my info about her was true and that I had disclosed my basic conviction (I had - on the first date, 2 months prior, tearfully, to which my GF listened with compassion and trust). On our arrival I found myself signing a formal consent form to this 'informal chat'.My probation officer pulled no punches whatsoever, hard-faced from the outset, wading in with a fullsome graphic detail of the of the offences and the (medium) risk she alleged I still pose to children, talking me down whenever I attempted to give my honest slant on my historic behaviour. Many intrusive questions about the nature and 'stage' of our relationship (eg have we had sex yet?), and Does she (my GF) feel 'safe' with me and 'want it to continue'? To which my GF replied a firm calm yes to all. She made her repeat back the description of the offences to make sure she understood. She's 50 btw, does not have learning difficulties, but is an intelligent and fair Christian woman. She is somewhat fragile with physical ailments and a history of mental health trouble (fully under control for the last 3 years, a model of brave recovery).
Her initial response had been a humorous but genuinely puzzled"why do they have to drag ME into it?!" On hearing the details in the category A images, she (rightly) expressed 'oh goodness how awful', but also later commented "oh that's harsh" on hearing my conditions of no unsupervised contact with my own sons for possibly till they're 18 (despite no contact offence and no evidence of fantasy towards them). Also, her instinct was to say "I should challenge the SHPO at court at the first opportunity" (2 years hence, when my eldest will be 14). So, these are the reactions (uncoached by me) of a perfectly nice normal member of the public to these types of offences and the 'safeguarding' that goes with them. Also, in a further clear insinuation that I'm some kind of physical or mental threat to my GF (despite having nothing of that nature in my history, save for the ridiculous dogmatic insistence that IoC offences and fantasy are in the same ballpark) my officer gave her her phone number to call her if 'she had any concerns or further questions'. All of it dripping with unforgiveness, and demonization way beyond the orbit of my actual offending behaviour - total contrast to the sensitive, trusting Christian community GF and I are recovering together in.
Well, the relationship still stands, and that's my good news. The lesson, however, is that sadly you really would have next to no chance as an ex-offender if you met a woman with children. I was told the revelation of my images would have been 'far more detailed', and I have no doubt whatsoever she would be blacklisted by association with me and have her children (if she had any) removed if she chose to trust and support me. It's persecution. It's beyond safeguarding. I'm so lucky I've been able to sidestep this with my lovely new woman; they've now done their worst and we're still standing. I've got no doubt the SS will run their checks and deem her 'unfit' to supervise my kids if we get to that stage, on account of her mental health history - their track record of bigotry towards mental illness, harmless mental illness at that. Also, the automatic insinuation and assertion that someone 'might be unsafe or unfit around kids' - certain professionals like authors and sportspeople are now objecting to DBS checks and abandoning their visits to schools on these grounds - is utterly out of order.
My GF is innocent as well as capable of forming her own opinions and giving trust, and nobody not even probation or the SS have any grounds for supposing otherwise; the system is a disgrace, but hey we're still there for each other and I will win proper contact with my sons in due course; if I don't, the only accomplishment of their safeguarding draconianism will be my sons growing up to detest their so-called 'authority'.