Hi,
Well it happened, my house was raided for IOC back in may last year and they have now said that they have found illegal content and I am due to be interviewed informally in a weeks time. I have struggled with pron addiction for a number of years and then last year did something stupid and downloaded content onto a server at home, then forgot it was still running and 3 to months later was raided.
Me and my partner are still together and she has been very understanding. So far I have been allowed supervised cohabiting for the last 10 months and my wife knows I would never ever touch or even had thoughts of doing anything to our children. I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to happen in a weeks time as seeing my kids every day has been the one thing keeping me going.
What can I expect once the interview takes place? Am I likely to be told I have to move out as the investigation starts properly? I cant believe what I have done to my family and the shock of everything has made my addiction almost seem meaningless. The Lucy faithful has helped a bit but am shocked at the lack of free online support for porn addiction since from what I have read this problem in the UK is getting much worse.
I know I wont get sympathy and I am not expecting any, I did a terrible thing and have to face the consequences, it's the fact my little girl wont get to see her daddy anymore I'm really scared of as I lost my mum ar 9 and know what it's like to not have a parent.
Am really struggling.
Add me to the list of IOC charges
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Add me to the list of IOC charges
Dear Jj_WhatsHisName
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. I am sorry that we have not been able to respond to your query before now as the board has been very busy. I am also sorry to hear of the difficulties your family is experiencing and that you are struggling.
You are currently the subject of a criminal investigation in relation to an offence relating to indecent images of children and at the time of posting you were due to be ‘ interviewed informally’ in a week’s time. I am not sure if you meant being interviewed by the police or meeting with a social worker as when you posted you were living in your family home with your wife, I think, taking responsibility for supervising you with the children.
We cannot advise about the police investigation and criminal justice process but you will be able to find useful information about this from the Lucy Faithful Foundation’s Stop it Now website (with whom you have already been in touch) which provides this specialist advice. Your wife may benefit from discussing the situation with them too as they offer advice and information to anyone affected by this issue.
Your situation has probably moved on since you posted. You may have been asked by children’s services to move out while they are completing an assessment. Parents may be asked to agree to this so that the children can remain safely at home with the parent who is not the subject of the police investigation, whilst a social worker is assessing the situation.
Perhaps you would like to post some updating information so that we can provide more specific advice.
In the meantime our advice sheets on family support and child protection contain lots of information about the assessment process and potential outcomes which may depend on a number of factors including:
• The alleged offence, your insight into it and the outcome of the criminal justice process
• Any risk factors identified in relation to your children
• Your willingness to engage with help or treatment
• Protective factors – including your wife’s role. You describe her as being very understanding however from children’s services’ point of view they will be more concerned about her willingness to understand risk, focus on the children’s needs and show her ability to protect them too.
It is important that you and your wife work openly with children’s services and ask that the social worker keeps you properly involved and informed throughout. It is equally important that you do not play down the reason for their involvement which has come about because you are being investigated by the police for accessing illegal images of children.
You could contact your GP if you feel that you would benefit from some emotional support at this time. And the specialist advisers on the Stop it Now!! helpline can talk things through with you and offer practical advice too.
I hope this is helpful. If you would like to speak with an adviser please contact the Freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon – Fri between 9.30 a.m. and 3.00 p.m. Or as suggested above, if the situation has progressed you could post again with an update if you have a new query.
With best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. I am sorry that we have not been able to respond to your query before now as the board has been very busy. I am also sorry to hear of the difficulties your family is experiencing and that you are struggling.
You are currently the subject of a criminal investigation in relation to an offence relating to indecent images of children and at the time of posting you were due to be ‘ interviewed informally’ in a week’s time. I am not sure if you meant being interviewed by the police or meeting with a social worker as when you posted you were living in your family home with your wife, I think, taking responsibility for supervising you with the children.
We cannot advise about the police investigation and criminal justice process but you will be able to find useful information about this from the Lucy Faithful Foundation’s Stop it Now website (with whom you have already been in touch) which provides this specialist advice. Your wife may benefit from discussing the situation with them too as they offer advice and information to anyone affected by this issue.
Your situation has probably moved on since you posted. You may have been asked by children’s services to move out while they are completing an assessment. Parents may be asked to agree to this so that the children can remain safely at home with the parent who is not the subject of the police investigation, whilst a social worker is assessing the situation.
Perhaps you would like to post some updating information so that we can provide more specific advice.
In the meantime our advice sheets on family support and child protection contain lots of information about the assessment process and potential outcomes which may depend on a number of factors including:
• The alleged offence, your insight into it and the outcome of the criminal justice process
• Any risk factors identified in relation to your children
• Your willingness to engage with help or treatment
• Protective factors – including your wife’s role. You describe her as being very understanding however from children’s services’ point of view they will be more concerned about her willingness to understand risk, focus on the children’s needs and show her ability to protect them too.
It is important that you and your wife work openly with children’s services and ask that the social worker keeps you properly involved and informed throughout. It is equally important that you do not play down the reason for their involvement which has come about because you are being investigated by the police for accessing illegal images of children.
You could contact your GP if you feel that you would benefit from some emotional support at this time. And the specialist advisers on the Stop it Now!! helpline can talk things through with you and offer practical advice too.
I hope this is helpful. If you would like to speak with an adviser please contact the Freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon – Fri between 9.30 a.m. and 3.00 p.m. Or as suggested above, if the situation has progressed you could post again with an update if you have a new query.
With best wishes
Suzie
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PerfectlySafeDad
- Posts: 171
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am
Re: Add me to the list of IOC charges
'Me and my partner are still together and she has been very understanding. So far I have been allowed supervised cohabiting for the last 10 months and my wife knows I would never ever touch or even had thoughts of doing anything to our children. I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to happen in a weeks time as seeing my kids every day has been the one thing keeping me going'
My sympathies. I can identify with the lot of that, but I feel it's my moral duty to publish wherever I can...
1) whatever your partner's attitude, no matter how well-educated, law-abiding, mature, astute, trusting and compassionate she is - the social services will not be so 'understanding' and will attempt to stampede her judgement if it does not fall into line with theirs. Basically, they think themselves better to judge and a higher authority than any other responsible adult.
2) The social services don't give one jot for your morale, or your wife's, or indeed the children's. They see something that 'might' come back on them, they don't understand the situation or the nature of the alleged offences, so they'll stampede your human rights on that basis and it seems in this country they can get away with it.
3) Their judgements will be based on the utter ignorance and media-driven prejudice towards alleged sex offences, and hopeless confusion over and inflation of the nature of the offences and what they actually mean regarding the supposed 'risk' a person holds.
The result of this lot is massive violation of your human rights to a family life, indeed the rights of your children to the same. These violations are spelled out very succinctly by Suzie above.
You've got little choice but to jump through every hoop put your way,
My sympathies. I can identify with the lot of that, but I feel it's my moral duty to publish wherever I can...
1) whatever your partner's attitude, no matter how well-educated, law-abiding, mature, astute, trusting and compassionate she is - the social services will not be so 'understanding' and will attempt to stampede her judgement if it does not fall into line with theirs. Basically, they think themselves better to judge and a higher authority than any other responsible adult.
2) The social services don't give one jot for your morale, or your wife's, or indeed the children's. They see something that 'might' come back on them, they don't understand the situation or the nature of the alleged offences, so they'll stampede your human rights on that basis and it seems in this country they can get away with it.
3) Their judgements will be based on the utter ignorance and media-driven prejudice towards alleged sex offences, and hopeless confusion over and inflation of the nature of the offences and what they actually mean regarding the supposed 'risk' a person holds.
The result of this lot is massive violation of your human rights to a family life, indeed the rights of your children to the same. These violations are spelled out very succinctly by Suzie above.
You've got little choice but to jump through every hoop put your way,
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