Parental Responsibility

[dizzydolly]

Hi

My adopted son went into care 15/12/17 on a section 20 as a last ditch attempt to help him. We have been asking for help for him 10 years and got absolutely nowhere. His behaviour spiralled out of control to a point where we could no longer protect him or keep him safe. So after an overdose, recreation drugs not intentional, we refused to bring him home from hospital until somebody helped him and us. From that date until 25/02/19 we have had no contact with him at all. He just refused point blank to see us or speak to us. Again nobody would help, nobody to the best of my knowledge has even asked him why. We have begged and pleaded for counselling, mediation, early life work....anything at all to help our family. Social Services have done NOTHING.

They seem content to allow him to drift through the system, ticking boxes, until he reaches 18 - 11 short months away now. He has now located all his birth family and SS seam quite happy to help him with meetings and checks. The very people they wanted him away from as a small child now apparently are quite acceptable to them.

Everytime I speak with the social worker and ask questions I am called - confrontational, condescending or negative. Am I wrong to want to protect him from these people? We also have a 13 year old daughter that he can lead them right to, who is completely terrified that someone will show up at school and try to take her away. Again SS not interested in her well being. Our hearts are broken.

What is 'Parental Responsibility'??? What are our rights?? We are not being consulted on this matter at all, infact we feel we are being cut out of the loop completely. SS have spoken with and are arranging meetings with these people but I had to threaten an official complaint before my call was returned. Can we do anything?

I asked this same question to the Social Worker 3 weeks ago.......I'm still waiting for an answer. What she has done is tell the home he resides in to not discuss it with me. We are furious with the whole situation, surely the aim should be to get him home to the people who love him before anything else? What can we do? Please help

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear dizzydolly

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. I am sorry we have not been able to respond sooner due to the current volume of posts on the board.

I am also very sorry to hear of the difficulties that you and your family are experiencing.

From what you say, you struggled to get help for your adopted son for many years. This suggests that you and your son were not offered the post-adoption support services that you may have needed or therapeutic support under the adoption support fund . It also seems that you did not get help under a child in need plan .

After your son’s hospitalisation you explain that you felt unable to have him home without support and I think you asked, as his parents, that he be voluntarily accommodated under section 20 . I am guessing that children’s services were not initially in support of this but had to agree in the end if you were adamant that you son could not come home without the support needed being in place. However, when your son turned 16 during this time, he was able to agree his own care plan and so could decide if he wanted to remain in foster care or to leave foster care, without your consent being required. I think that your son is probably saying that he does not want contact or to come home at the moment.

Because of your son’s age, the social worker and professionals working with him are required to agree the care plan with him and to take account of his wishes.

This does not mean that you no longer have parental responsibility which formally ends at 18. It is just that as a young person matures and becomes more competent they will be able to make decisions in their own right. What this means is that your ability to exercise your parental responsibility diminishes and decisions that your son disagrees with cannot be imposed on him. You do remain your son’s legal parent and although your son is now in contact with his birth family this does not change the legal situation. For your son’s sake it would be helpful if children’s services considered how best to support all of you involved, your children, the adoptive and birth family alike.

You raise some very understandable concerns about children’s services lack of consultation and information sharing with you and little effort being made to promote contact with you. You are unhappy about not being included in the plans in relation to your son getting back in touch with his birth family and about how that is being managed, including the impact on your daughter. Has your daughter been offered a child in plan to put supports in place for her? This is something you can ask for if you think it will help. It may be that if your son has initiated contact with his birth family children's services are trying to support him to make sure this is done as safely as possible. However this may still be a worry for you and one that also has implications for your daughter so you should both be getting more support about this.

Also is contact being promoted between your two children even if your son does not want to see you at the moment? Children’s services have a duty to support brothers and sisters to keep in touch unless this is not in their best interests. All of these matters should be discussed at your son’s Looked After Child reviews and even if you are not able to attend them (if your son objects) you should be consulted and kept informed, as far as possible.

Our advice sheets on children looked after by children’s services under a voluntary arrangement and duties on children’s services when children are in the care system set out what should happen when a young person is in foster care. As your son is approaching 18 now he will be involved in pathway planning for his future too. Here is some information about support for young people leaving the care system .

I would suggest that you put in writing all the concerns you have for your son and also clearly state what you would like to happen and why (e.g. what you would like children’s services to do to help you and your son to rebuild your relationship, to keep you updated, to consult with you and show how they take account of your views etc.). You could address this to your son’s social worker, copying in the team manager and most importantly the Independent Reviewing Officer, and ask for a written response by a given date or perhaps suggest a meeting involving you and these key people.

You have already considered making a formal complaint . This is an option that is open to you; you can find out more about how to do it here in this advice sheet on complaints.

A family group conference could be a possible way of bringing together you and all other family members who care about your son to try to work out how you can support him best now and once he turns 18. If you thought this might help, you could ask for this to be tried.

Do you have any support for yourself at this time, from organisations such as Adoption UK or The Open Nest ?

I hope this is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss your situation further with an adviser please call the Freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 Mon-Fri 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. or post again if you need to.

With best wishes

Suzie