Worried about running out of legal aid and questions

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Can I ask some advice? One of the findings is the 'relationship was unstable and abusive' which I agree, however, because it's none specific to whom the perpetrator/victim was the same judge who made this finding almost seems to mock me (it feels that way) when I try to talk about the abuse inflicted on me and the judge wants me to take responsibility. I did use self defense once when I was afraid my ex was going to choke me again and, because I told them of that one occasion and my ex made up a load of false allegations, the court decided we were as bad as each other (which is a myth that Womens Aid are trying desperately to tackle). What can I do about this? I don't think it's fair for them to be so dismissive of what I'm trying to recover from; there's police records of what he did to me, during and after our relationship ended.. I provided evidence for every single incident that I told them off and he had no evidence for any of his false claims.

The judge decided on an SGO to my parents as he felt that this case was more about insight, rather than the pool - in particular my insight into how exposure to DV affects children emotionally. I've done a lot of work around this topic and I actually have a lot of understanding and the guardian said herself that if my insight had been better there would have been discussions around my sons return. My legal team also feel thrown as we've been responding to the local authorities arguement which was purely focused on the pool but, as there's been talk of removing me from the pool, i assume that's why it's changing now?

The judges concluding remarks were that 'this does not mean she cannot have a child in her care one day' and so my barritser is going to ask the judge to consider a Child Arrangement Order rather than an SGO. It's like the doors been left open to me just a crack. But I do feel confused; if I can have a child in my care one day, why not now? Why not my living children now? He's already decided that it would be safe for a future hypothetical child to be in my care one day in the future - so why not my actual children? I've contacted PAUSE; I don't like that I've been given hope around a child that doesn't exist, I don't want to just keep having children until I can eventually take one home; I want my daughter and son.

Also, the final order is being made on the 7th - this is when I run out of legal aid. But on the 24th there's a stage 1 hearing about re-opening past findings to remove me from the pool. My legal team have applied for more legal aid with regards to this but I'm so worried I won't get it.

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any advice welcomed - please xo