Hello I'm new here and really would love some advice.
Myself and my partner have been together 6 years in August, we have a 16 month old son together who is thriving, his a very happy and healthy little boy who we adore.
Basically since we got together we have never had any violence at All, however since his Nan passed away my partner became very upset rightfully so she passed in December 2016, in the June of 2017 me and my partner had a argument and he poked me in my eye I went to hospital as I was pregnant with my son so just wanted to get him check as I was very stressed, the next incident happened may 2019 we had another argument and he grabbed my arm, and went to grab my hood as I was walking away however grabbed my hair instead the argument continued so I called the police as I felt he needed a stern wake up call to see what he was doing and hopefully for the police to guide him to some sort of therapy to deal with his nans passing. He got let off with a caution and went to seek help that very same day. He has had around 4 sessions with a counsellor now and has been reffered to bereavement counselling and the women felt that would be best suited to him as that's where his underlying issues are. Cut a long story short 6 weeks on I've received a phone call from social services stating they have received a refferal and they've put my son as high risk and now want to do a assessment. I'm heart broken as my son is not at risk at all his very happy very healthy and very very loved by both me and my partner, my partner is not a abuser at all I have been with him for 6 years and we have had 2 incidents since 2016, his deep down hurt and upset is from his nan passing away as she was more like a mum to him and now his getting the help he needs. We all have kinks here and there surely someone shouldn't be pertraited to be something they are not? The social worked was saying things like do you want to live? I feel like the approach is all wrong, yes he needs help he has recognised that , he didn't know where to go before the police gave him infomation. My question is how can I deal with social services? Absolutely heartbroken with it all.
Thank you
Social services and apparent domestic abuse
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Social services and apparent domestic abuse
Dear MDJ59
Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.
I am sorry that it has taken some time to respond to your post, this is due to the current volume of workload.
From your post I can see that you are not feeling great about the referral that the police have made to children’s services about your son. I think you need to understand that the police have a duty to make referrals of this kind where they become involved in a family and there is a child living in the home. The police, like all of us, have a safeguarding role where children are concerned.
Whilst you believe there is an explanation for your partner’s behaviour and, he has now been referred to bereavement counselling, this does not mean that his behaviour will not cause concern. For you, his behaviour was sufficiently concerning for you to call the police. The first incident happened whilst you were pregnant, did the hospital not make a referral to children’s services on that occasion? Domestic abuse often takes place where a partner is pregnant and this would have been a concern.
It is good that your partner is now seeking appropriate help. I think however, that for you, rather than providing a justification for his behaviour it might be helpful for you to think about the situation as a whole and how you, as a victim of domestic violence responds to it.
Children’s services are normally concerned about domestic violence because of the impact it has on children’s emotional wellbeing. Research shows that even if a child does not witness the violence or even in the womb it can affect a child. The social worker will want to discuss with you and your partner the best way of working with you and might offer support if it is assessed that your family would benefit from this. It is important that you understand that children’s services role is to ensure that children are brought up in the safe environment.
You may find it help to speak to a domestic violence service like Women’s Aid on 0808 200 0247 or Rights of Women 0207 251 6577. Children’s services may want to engage with a service so that you have a better understanding of being in a domestically abusive situation. You have stated in your post that your partner is not abusive but his actions, although you say there have been just two incidents in 6 years, will be considered domestic abuse.
Please read information here about children’s services when domestic violence is an issue.
You may also find it helpful to read our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services for more information about what happens when children’s services receives a referral.
If, as you say, these were isolated incidents it will be for the social worker to explain what further steps, if any, will be taken.
It is important that you try to work openly and honestly with children’s services so you can understand their concerns and work with them to resolve them.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.
I am sorry that it has taken some time to respond to your post, this is due to the current volume of workload.
From your post I can see that you are not feeling great about the referral that the police have made to children’s services about your son. I think you need to understand that the police have a duty to make referrals of this kind where they become involved in a family and there is a child living in the home. The police, like all of us, have a safeguarding role where children are concerned.
Whilst you believe there is an explanation for your partner’s behaviour and, he has now been referred to bereavement counselling, this does not mean that his behaviour will not cause concern. For you, his behaviour was sufficiently concerning for you to call the police. The first incident happened whilst you were pregnant, did the hospital not make a referral to children’s services on that occasion? Domestic abuse often takes place where a partner is pregnant and this would have been a concern.
It is good that your partner is now seeking appropriate help. I think however, that for you, rather than providing a justification for his behaviour it might be helpful for you to think about the situation as a whole and how you, as a victim of domestic violence responds to it.
Children’s services are normally concerned about domestic violence because of the impact it has on children’s emotional wellbeing. Research shows that even if a child does not witness the violence or even in the womb it can affect a child. The social worker will want to discuss with you and your partner the best way of working with you and might offer support if it is assessed that your family would benefit from this. It is important that you understand that children’s services role is to ensure that children are brought up in the safe environment.
You may find it help to speak to a domestic violence service like Women’s Aid on 0808 200 0247 or Rights of Women 0207 251 6577. Children’s services may want to engage with a service so that you have a better understanding of being in a domestically abusive situation. You have stated in your post that your partner is not abusive but his actions, although you say there have been just two incidents in 6 years, will be considered domestic abuse.
Please read information here about children’s services when domestic violence is an issue.
You may also find it helpful to read our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services for more information about what happens when children’s services receives a referral.
If, as you say, these were isolated incidents it will be for the social worker to explain what further steps, if any, will be taken.
It is important that you try to work openly and honestly with children’s services so you can understand their concerns and work with them to resolve them.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
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