Social worker herself said that none of the findings made in my daughters case applied to my son who was born after. My son should have been returned to me and I begged for any order possible to allow him to come home. I’ve made so many changes and judge concluded that me having a family one day “remains an attainable goal” but that I have to sustain the changes I’ve made long enough that the professionals “can be confident the risk really has been minimised”. Basically the judge acknowledged that I’ve made all the right changes etc but then gave my son to my parents under and SGO on the basis of ‘future emotional harm’ just in case I end up in another DA relationship..
Why do they make permanent decisions to remove child based on temporary issues that can be prevented and solved with the right support?
Can you please advise Suzie? I’m beating myself up about my baby being born into this, I feel that if there had been a larger gap between my children then my son would have actually been returned.
I also don’t think any findings of fact were made against me in my sons case, they just relied on the previous findings from my daughters case - is that normal?
Suzie - Why do they make permanent decisions to remove children?
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QuestionMark
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Suzie - Why do they make permanent decisions to remove children?
Dear Questionmark
In your post you say that the social worker mentioned that the findings made in your daughter’s case do not relate to your son. Since children’s services took the matter to court, they must have had concerns about the risks involved in your son remaining in your care.
It is clear that the judge, from what you say in your post, considered the possibility of you being able to parent a child in the future but this, as you state “remains an attainable goal” but that I have to sustain the changes I’ve made long enough that the professionals “can be confident the risk really has been minimised”, clearly it is dependent on you maintaining the changes. I do no think the judge thought you had made sufficient changes for your son to be in your care because had that been the case he would not have said you need to sustain the changes you had made so far.
What you do need to understand is that decisions are made for children to have stability and therefore have to be in a short timescale. It is not considered to be in the child’s to wait a long time before making decisions about with whom and where they will live permanently. In your case, your son is with your parents which means he remains in the birth family.
I suggest that you try to concentrate and working on the changes that you have made and need to continue making because it is not helpful to you to continue going over the same issues in respect of what the judge said or did not say. It is not helpful to you and you may remain ‘stuck’ rather that moving forward to the point where you are able to be in a risk free relationship because you are able to recognise the kind of things that have led you to be in abusive relationships in the past.
It is important that you deal with things that you can change rather than, as you say, ‘beating yourself up’ about things that you are not able to change.
Enjoy spending time with your son and building your relationship with him.
Best wishes
Suzie
In your post you say that the social worker mentioned that the findings made in your daughter’s case do not relate to your son. Since children’s services took the matter to court, they must have had concerns about the risks involved in your son remaining in your care.
It is clear that the judge, from what you say in your post, considered the possibility of you being able to parent a child in the future but this, as you state “remains an attainable goal” but that I have to sustain the changes I’ve made long enough that the professionals “can be confident the risk really has been minimised”, clearly it is dependent on you maintaining the changes. I do no think the judge thought you had made sufficient changes for your son to be in your care because had that been the case he would not have said you need to sustain the changes you had made so far.
What you do need to understand is that decisions are made for children to have stability and therefore have to be in a short timescale. It is not considered to be in the child’s to wait a long time before making decisions about with whom and where they will live permanently. In your case, your son is with your parents which means he remains in the birth family.
I suggest that you try to concentrate and working on the changes that you have made and need to continue making because it is not helpful to you to continue going over the same issues in respect of what the judge said or did not say. It is not helpful to you and you may remain ‘stuck’ rather that moving forward to the point where you are able to be in a risk free relationship because you are able to recognise the kind of things that have led you to be in abusive relationships in the past.
It is important that you deal with things that you can change rather than, as you say, ‘beating yourself up’ about things that you are not able to change.
Enjoy spending time with your son and building your relationship with him.
Best wishes
Suzie
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