Caring for my little sister

[TeaAndBiscuits]

Hello,
Sorry in advance for the long post, I’ve tried to condense it down as much as I can!

My little sister ran away from home in April 2018 and came to live with me, my other half and our two kids. She will be 16 in October. I don’t speak to our mum, I haven’t spoke to her in 4 years, she is an alcoholic and there’s a looong string of children’s services reports regarding little sister. As soon as sister moved in with me, CS washed their hands of her, I honestly think they were just glad to get a kid off their books

Practically, I’m finding it hard. She’s generally a good kid but I’m struggling with how to parent her when it’s not something I ever really saw myself doing, and it’s taking its toll. She has to share a bedroom with my 12 yr old daughter as that’s the only reasonable place for her to sleep. And financially I’m finding it hard too. Because CS didn’t officially place sister with me, I’m not eligible for any kind of financial support, except for the child benefit so an increase in income of £13 per week. I’ve checked tax credits but we’re not eligible. The food bills gone up, the water bills gone up, I’m paying for her mobile phone - every time I need to pay for another school trip for her, or she needs some more clothes, or asks for money to go out with her mates I just feel more and more resentful.

Maybe this makes me sound like a bitch but I have treated her no differently from my own kids since day 1, in fact financially she’s probably had more than my own kids due to her being at an age where she wants to be out doing things.

When she first came to us I was willing to suck all this up because I thought it would be temporary. I thought that either she would want to go back to her mum or that I’d be able to get some kind of support from CS. Neither of those things have happened and I’m really just struggling with it all now.

I called CS last week and broke down explaining it all to them. They said that the *only* thing I could do was apply for a Special Guardianship Order and then I *might* be able to get an allowance, but the whole process can take around a year and requires parental consent! Mum would rather die than give consent for that! Plus she would be 17 by the time it even went through so feels almost pointless! I said what if I told sister she has to leave? And they said that would be the mums problem, and of course they knew full well I wouldn’t *actually* ask her to leave! Surely CS have more responsibility than this? They’re basically saying even if I kick her out it’s still not their problem if she refuses to go back home? Surely that’s not right?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there anything else I could try? I love my little sister but this is all just getting too much for me practically, financially, mentally and emotionally But is it just my family duty that I have to suck up? I don’t want to damage the poor girl anymore than she already will be I think I’m hoping for a magic spell of some kind tbh!

[QuestionMark]

Have you thought about homeless housing accomodation? They tend to take people aged 16-21 in, will provided them a flat with a roommate, there will be practical support for them such as finances, looking for education and emotional support. It would get her on her feet if she uses the opportunity correctly. You can call them up, explain the situation and ask if there's any room.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear TeaandBiscuits

Welcome to the Board and thank you for your post. We have two Boards one for parents and the other for family and friends, which is the category you fall into but I am happy to respond you here.

You said that your sister was known to Children’s Services before she came to live with you and that they were aware that she was living with you and ‘dropped the case’. If your sister was on a child in need plan or a child protection plan or even in receipt of early help the local authority should not have ‘dropped the case’ when she came into your care.

I think that you should ask for an assessment of your sister’s (and family’s need). Our advice sheet Family support will give you more information and if social workers refuse to assess you/your situation our advice sheet Challenging decisions and making complaints may be helpful.

In terms of who is financially responsible for your sister that would be the people who have parental responsibility for her (usually mum and dad). Since you are not communicating with your mother, it may be wise for you to contact child maintenance and seek advice from them as to how to make an application for financial support.

I hope this information is useful.

Best wishes

Suzie