Not allowed unsupervised access with my Grandson

[greenacres]

I am female, 47 years old and have 3 kids.
I live with 2 (ages 19 & 24)
My daughter has a 2 year old and does not live with me
My Boyfriend does not live with me
He is on the register for images 12 years ago and has a sopo (indefinite but awaiting an end date via solicitor)

My daughter has been made to sign an agreement that says I cannot have unsupervised access/babysitting/contact with my 2 year old Grandson and it has broken my heart let alone made it very difficult now.
The social services told my daughter that they will perceive my BF to be a threat even after the sopo ends ?
I am being given the same treatment as him because I made a comment that "he will always be supervised with my grandson and I didnt think he was a risk" - then all hell let loose
(up until this time, and for the previous 18 months since we were together - I had full access and he had no unsupervised access)

Wow, my life is a mess now

[PerfectlySafeDad]

There really should be a way to slaughter them for human rights abuses over that level of draconianism. It's wrong on so many levels:
1) you're being in effect punished for the offences of another person besides yourself (they'd deny it's 'punishment' because legally it isn't, it's 'safeguarding', but they need to be held accountable for the life-changing effects their so-called safeguarding decisions have and whether they're proportionate and necessary).
2) you're being punished for displaying a good, constructive human attitude of forgiveness and trust towards a person you know very well - ie you're a law-abiding adult yourself with no criminal record and perfectly sound of mind and judgement - but social services think they know better just because of the arrogant dogma they live by.
3) your grandchild is being in effect abused (no other word suffices) by being denied a unhindered relationship with a perfectly good grandparent. This might be a key principle for someone to fight them on, ie turn the tables on them, hoist them by their own petard.
4) your daughter has been in effect bullied/institutionally threatened by social services having done nothing wrong, but by simple virtue of being indirectly-indirectly connected with a historic offender. She's in effect taken one step towards signing her parental rights over to these tyrants (if she went back on the 'agreement', they would use that as further leverage).
5) he is set to have his SOPO discharged (ie perceived as rehabilitated in law) and presumably off the register accordingly (?), so he ought to have full human rights again. The only hard and fast law in place about this is that he'd still be barred from professional work with children, but there is no law about regaining full family life, certainly not about others' family lives being destroyed by association. This is social services acting on 'probability' of risk and using their unwritten powers of intimidation and building up a case according to the way they want to profile a person and a situation. It needs to be challenged robustly. in my opinion, I do not see how they can continually get away with this type of behaviour. After a person has completed a sentence and time on the register, that should be it unless he has committed a new offence or displayed any new risky behaviour whatever.
The advice you'll get from the FRG advisers on here will no doubt be to cooperate with everything the SS throw at you 'in order to get a good outcome' - however, in practice this means months and months of (if not permanent) curtailed liberty for all of you, him included (since he's no longer technically a criminal, or soon at any rate) and I don't believe this is acceptable. I take the trouble to write all this because I think they are the points that should be made in fighting the social services in court with a lawyer worth his salt. I know all too well this is easier said than done, and I personally don't have the strength or know-how to do it. That is what they do to us.

[greenacres]

Thank You so much for this reply, I really appreciated it as it's not something I can talk about to anyone. My life is upside down now. It gives me some hope that other people understand the problem and are willing to offer help and advice. Thank You

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear greenacres

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. As your query is in relation to your grandson, then our Family and Friends' carers discussion board would be a better place for you to post. However, I will respond to you here today but if you have any follow up queries please do post on the family and friends’ board.

First of all, I am very sorry that you have not had a response sooner; this is due to the current volume of posts we are receiving. You are very upset about the current arrangement. Children’s services have asked your daughter not to allow you to have unsupervised contact with her son because of your relationship with your partner; he is on the Sex Offenders Register and subject to an indefinite Sexual Offences Prevention Order (now Sexual Harm Prevention Order). You are feeling heartbroken about this as you previously had lots of contact with your grandson and your partner had no unsupervised access. I think you are feeling punished for your partner’s offence and because you said that you did not think your partner could be a risk.

Children’s Services are the agency responsible for assessing children’s needs and ensuring that they are safe. Your grandson is their priority in this situation. This includes being kept safe from any form of sexual abuse or contact with a person who poses a risk to children. Your daughter, as the child’s mother, is being asked not to allow you to have unsupervised contact with your grandson. Children’s services have told her that they would be concerned your partner poses a risk even if the SOPO ends (which your partner is trying to achieve with his solicitor). Therefore, children’s services are not just looking at a historic offence committed by your partner but are also considering the risk of future harm, to your grandson. If your daughter did not cooperate with children’s services this would likely raise concerns about her ability to identify risk and to be protective of her son and so could lead to child protection enquiries taking place. Therefore, it is important that your daughter continues to be seen as a protective parent.

It is also usually seen as essential that other close relatives, such as grandmothers, who are involved with and spend time with the child, are able to accept the possibility that the person who has committed a sexual offence against a child or young person may offend again.

It might be helpful for you to have a look at some information from the Sentencing Council which explains more about what the court must consider before making an order and that the making of the order must be necessary in order to protect the public or particular members of the public. You can also find lots of information, advice and support on the Lucy Faithful Foundation’s Stop it now service, their online family and friends forum and Parents Protect websites.

It is important that you and your daughter continue to cooperate with children’s services as this puts your grandson’s needs and prevents children’s services having to become involved in a more interventionist way. However, if you believe that you have been treated unfairly and intend maintaining your relationship with your partner there are some things that you can do.

You can contact Children’s services in writing to:

• Confirm that your grandson’s continued wellbeing is your main concern and that you will work with them to make sure that he is not put at risk in any way.
• Ask them to put in writing to you their recommendation that you should have no unsupervised contact with your grandson and to explain clearly their reasons for this recommendation.
• Let them know about your positive relationship with your grandson, your wish to stay involved with him and maintain your strong grandmother/grandson bond.
• Ask them what you can do to address their concerns and to move towards having unsupervised contact with him again.
• Ask them to recommend a programme or support that would be suitable for you, as the non-abusive partner of an offender.
• Ask them to confirm how/when the current arrangement may be reviewed.

If you would prefer to talk this through with an adviser please call the freephone helpline on 0808 801 0366 Mon to Fri 9.30 – 3.00 pm.
You can also get private law advice on contact from Coram Child Law advice service.

With best wishes

Suzie