Where can I go for advice about my son welfare?

[bflare]

I split from my son’s mum around 7 years ago. It was my choice to move out. Ever since then I have tried to be as nice with her as possible. I have basically become a bit of a mug. I have borrowed her money, fixed her washer etc etc. She still asks to borrow money from me which sometimes she doesn’t pay back.

I was in a relationship for 2 years which ended in October of last year. I introduced my son to my new partner but slowly & after a year. I made sure my son felt comfortable & I always put him first. Sometimes my girlfriend would stay over with her daughter & I always notified my sons mum & we all slept separately. My sons mum made a point of telling me that I better not start neglecting our son when I got a new girlfriend & my girlfriend better be suitable & safe around my son. I just bit my tongue.
What is really concerning me no is that my son’s mum has finally found herself a new boyfriend & is doing everything that she warned me against doing. She has basically not taken into account our 12-year-old sons’ feelings. This guy is round there staying nearly every night & wasn’t introduced to my son properly. My ex has tried to get my son to hug him. The guy is an ex heroin addict & has served time inside for perverting the cause of justice. He doesn’t work, looks very untidy & lived with his mum at the age of 31. My ex is almost 50. This guy allegedly keeps telling my son that he loves him which I find totally weird.

I was having concerns before this about my son’s welfare due to his mum’s behaviour anyway & this has just put me over the top. I have my son stay 4 nights & I am already currently paying too much maintenance to her in the form of utility bills. I have no idea what to do & I am apprehensive of doing anything official. My Son’s mum is a compulsive liar & good at it & she would be able to lie herself out of any allegations.

Is there anywhere I can go to discuss these things without making an official complaint or taking legal action?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear bflare

Welcome to our discussion board

At Family Rights Group we give advice to individuals who have social workers directly involved with a child or children, your enquiry seems to be a matter that a Child Arrangements Order may help to sort out. Please see our advice sheet, it is written for carers but can be used by parents, DIY Child Arrangements Orders: information for family and friends carers. You may also seek advice from Child Law Advice.

If however you are worried about the physical or emotional care your son is receiving from his mother, you may want to contact your local Children’s Services Department and ask them to do a welfare check because you are concerned about your son’s mother’s new partner.

If as you say legal action or official complaints are not preferable to you, your only recourse may be to have a full and frank discussion with your son’s mother about your concerns.

Best wishes

Suzie