My children are on a CPP and I came home from my son's football practice today to find a card through the door that the social worker had attempted to make a visit,
I had no idea they were coming around. Will this be held against me?
unannounced visit
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LMBSE1971
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:56 pm
unannounced visit
Last edited by LMBSE1971 on Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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LMBSE1971
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:56 pm
Re: What if youre out for an unannounced visit
Could someone please answer I am so afraid, they are using everything against me.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: What if youre out for an unannounced visit
Dear LMBSE1971.
Welcome to the Parents Forum and I am sorry for the delay in responding to your posts. I will try and address all the questions you asked over your separate posts but if I miss anything please post again.
I am sorry to hear about the domestic violence you suffered which seems to be ongoing even though you and dad has separated.
I can see that your children are on the child protection register due to them suffering possible emotional abuse. This could be caused by witnessing the domestic violence you suffered. Children services are worried about your mental or emotional health. Sometimes, a parent’s mental health can impact on children and this may come under the category of emotional abuse as well.
What can you do to work towards your childrens names coming off the register?
You and dad have separated but you say dad has remained controlling-particularly in relation to money and his contact with the children. Children services are worried that there is too much contact between you dad which is allowing the domestic abuse of you to continue which is in turn causing your children to be emotionally abused. The school staff are experiencing dad’s behaviour and will be passing information about this to children services. This will back up what you have been saying about domestic violence.
It seems children services are worried that you are being abused at contact handovers-when the children are present to witness it.
Do you still want to have contact with dad? Is there anyone who can help at contact handover (family or friend) to reduce your contact time with dad? How are the children protected at this time? Are you seeing dad at other times? Is that what children services are worried about-in case you get back together?
Unless dad does specialist dv courses, his risk of abusing you and so the children when they witness it, will always remain high. So I can see why children’s services would be worried if you are still seeing him.
I can see that you completed the freedom programme. What other support can you access, such as counselling to help you recover from the domestic violence you suffered? Children services seem to think you are minimizing the violence you suffered. So you could contact support services such as women’s aid to get a second opinion or see what other support you might need to recover from the abuse you suffered during your relationship.
You have stated that your children (particularly your daughter) is withdrawn. Is she getting any counselling or other therapeutic support to help her?
Because dad is not attending any children services meetings, you feel that you have to deal with everything alone. It may be that he is prevented from attending due to his risk to you. Is he being offered any domestic violence programmes? If not, he will be remain risky to you into the future.
If he is just not engaging with children services, it will feel unfair to you that you are doing everything. But if he will not engage and so change, he will always remain high risk. So children services will want to be sure that you can protect your children against him in the future because his risk is not going down.
For example, if he were to have children with a new partner then children services may become involved with that relationship.
Children services seem to be worried about your mental or emotional health. As you have suffered domestic violence your mental health is likely to have been impacted.
Domestic violence services can advise you about any mental health support or you could speak to your GP.
The school are reporting your every move to children services. It can be very stressful to be under the microscope of children services (which happens when there is a child protection plan or registration). When there are children protection concerns, education and health have to share information about contact they have with families.
Are you able to build better relations with staff at school? As the social worker has observed you breaking down, the school may be monitoring you to see how you are and whether you might need help to improve your mental health.
The plan should say what support the school is offering your daughter. If not, you could speak to the teacher about support that might be available.
Although it feels like you daughter is the only one in the school to have a social worker, I am sure it will not be the case. Domestic violence happens in all types of families.
In answer to your question about the social worker visiting and you not being there. It sounds like she has done an unannounced visit which is often required as part of a child protection plan. It does not matter that you were not there as you cannot stay in all the time.
You sound very resourceful. Can you refer back to the plan of support to see what else you can do to work towards your children coming off the register?
You are worried about losing your job due to your children being on the child protection register. A meeting has taken place which involved your manager and children services. They are questioning whether you are safe to work with children. I suggest you contact the DBS helpline on 03000 200 190. See information about the DBS . Or speak to your union, if you have not already done so.
I hope this post helps. Here are our FAQ’s . Look at those about child protection and domestic violence.
If you have any questions or need further advice, please post again or call our confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Welcome to the Parents Forum and I am sorry for the delay in responding to your posts. I will try and address all the questions you asked over your separate posts but if I miss anything please post again.
I am sorry to hear about the domestic violence you suffered which seems to be ongoing even though you and dad has separated.
I can see that your children are on the child protection register due to them suffering possible emotional abuse. This could be caused by witnessing the domestic violence you suffered. Children services are worried about your mental or emotional health. Sometimes, a parent’s mental health can impact on children and this may come under the category of emotional abuse as well.
What can you do to work towards your childrens names coming off the register?
You and dad have separated but you say dad has remained controlling-particularly in relation to money and his contact with the children. Children services are worried that there is too much contact between you dad which is allowing the domestic abuse of you to continue which is in turn causing your children to be emotionally abused. The school staff are experiencing dad’s behaviour and will be passing information about this to children services. This will back up what you have been saying about domestic violence.
It seems children services are worried that you are being abused at contact handovers-when the children are present to witness it.
Do you still want to have contact with dad? Is there anyone who can help at contact handover (family or friend) to reduce your contact time with dad? How are the children protected at this time? Are you seeing dad at other times? Is that what children services are worried about-in case you get back together?
Unless dad does specialist dv courses, his risk of abusing you and so the children when they witness it, will always remain high. So I can see why children’s services would be worried if you are still seeing him.
I can see that you completed the freedom programme. What other support can you access, such as counselling to help you recover from the domestic violence you suffered? Children services seem to think you are minimizing the violence you suffered. So you could contact support services such as women’s aid to get a second opinion or see what other support you might need to recover from the abuse you suffered during your relationship.
You have stated that your children (particularly your daughter) is withdrawn. Is she getting any counselling or other therapeutic support to help her?
Because dad is not attending any children services meetings, you feel that you have to deal with everything alone. It may be that he is prevented from attending due to his risk to you. Is he being offered any domestic violence programmes? If not, he will be remain risky to you into the future.
If he is just not engaging with children services, it will feel unfair to you that you are doing everything. But if he will not engage and so change, he will always remain high risk. So children services will want to be sure that you can protect your children against him in the future because his risk is not going down.
For example, if he were to have children with a new partner then children services may become involved with that relationship.
Children services seem to be worried about your mental or emotional health. As you have suffered domestic violence your mental health is likely to have been impacted.
Domestic violence services can advise you about any mental health support or you could speak to your GP.
The school are reporting your every move to children services. It can be very stressful to be under the microscope of children services (which happens when there is a child protection plan or registration). When there are children protection concerns, education and health have to share information about contact they have with families.
Are you able to build better relations with staff at school? As the social worker has observed you breaking down, the school may be monitoring you to see how you are and whether you might need help to improve your mental health.
The plan should say what support the school is offering your daughter. If not, you could speak to the teacher about support that might be available.
Although it feels like you daughter is the only one in the school to have a social worker, I am sure it will not be the case. Domestic violence happens in all types of families.
In answer to your question about the social worker visiting and you not being there. It sounds like she has done an unannounced visit which is often required as part of a child protection plan. It does not matter that you were not there as you cannot stay in all the time.
You sound very resourceful. Can you refer back to the plan of support to see what else you can do to work towards your children coming off the register?
You are worried about losing your job due to your children being on the child protection register. A meeting has taken place which involved your manager and children services. They are questioning whether you are safe to work with children. I suggest you contact the DBS helpline on 03000 200 190. See information about the DBS . Or speak to your union, if you have not already done so.
I hope this post helps. Here are our FAQ’s . Look at those about child protection and domestic violence.
If you have any questions or need further advice, please post again or call our confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
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LMBSE1971
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:56 pm
Re: What if youre out for an unannounced visit
Hi Suzie
Thanks for responding, unfortunately I have been told today that I will be losing my job. I will most likely lose my home as well. my children are going to be devastated when I tell them as our lives will change irreparably. I feel angry that this happened as it will impede our ability to move on as a family and is horribly destructive, removing my independence and self esteem.
I have no family support and few friends in the area. This is another reason why I have struggled to get free of my ex, he could be cotrolling and manipulative and would goad me into arguments and fights, then record them and threaten to send them to SS. He sees himself as the victim and has actually told the police that I was abusing him. he will still tell anyone who listens that I was the abuser.
CS are mostly concerned as there is a record of incidents going back several years. CS have been called before but always came out, did a check up, spoke to me advised me of safety and went away again. It was never progressed to core assessment or anything further. I didnt leave due to lack of support and worries that ex would abandon us (he often threatened to do this)
We split up in 2017 and he moved out, I received help from Womens Services and was doing well, but after an emotionally difficult few months (elderly mother close to death and other personal issues) I was weak and took my ex back, The arguments and fights started up fairly soon and he went to the police claiming that I was abusing HIM which prompted the current involvement.
My sons school have said that there are no concerns about him at all. (he is in secondary school). My daughters school however are concerned about her being withdrawn and anxious and lacking confidence, she has been referred for Thrive and Elsa support at school.
I will be doing the Freedom Programme and You Me Mum (programme designed to look at the effects of DA on children). Although I am losing my job my employer has kindly agreed to fund 6 sessions of counselling to help me and I am awaiting assessment through my GP. I have also been referred to Womens Services and a Financial assistance programme to help with budgetting as I struggled to get free of my ex financially.
The Social Worker is very guarded around me and this makes me uneasy, she seems currently trying to find additional concerns, for example she has repeatedly asked why my children dont play in the street, and have many friends in the local community (they go to school in a different area and I have never really felt able to fit in in the community where we currently live, these are the reasons)
She is concerned that they do a "lot" of after school activities and whether they get time off etc (I'm guessing this could be seen as controlling on my part) although the IRO and my sons school both praised the opportunities I provide for my children. I suppose it was a coping mechanism of a sort, wanting them to have as perfect a childhood as I could manage, and I went so badly wrong.
I previously did a professional job so I'm not sure how to cope with living on benefits., but finding another job will be impossible at the moment, if I even had the confidence to do it.
Dad sees children on weekends, he is still a little controlling (prefers to have the children one at a time which limits my free time hence reducing risk of me dating anyone else etc) and he has not attended any meetings or agreed to attend any programmes The children are very fond of their dad and for their sake I am reluctant to confine them to seeing him in a contact centre (there are few locally anyway) and there are no family/friends to help. The SW has said that she thinks a contact centre would be "a step backward" as things seem to be calmer now. He is surprisingly a very good dad with them and they look forward to their days out on weekends, so for their sake I would be reluctant to take this away from them.
I have a parent advocate from NYAS and the children both have a children's advocate who they are happy to engage with. They do NOT like the social worker and my daughter admits to be "scared" of her. neither child will open up and discuss feelings with her I've done some little things such as buying them each a "Happy Self" journal to record their top three things every day, feelings etc, reaching out to other parents for playdates and making time for family board games. I am very anxious, depressed and feeling utterly desolate and as if I have totally failed them.
My biggest fear is this escalating further and losing them as they are my world, They are 12 and 8 (will be 13 and 9 within a few months) so they would find it horrifically difficult to be removed and I would worry for my daughter's wellbeing as she is very clingy with me. I find it very hard to cope, and break down a lot, I apparently present as anxious and emotionally unavailable to my children (which is not the case as I love them dearly but the SW only reports what she sees).
Thanks for responding, unfortunately I have been told today that I will be losing my job. I will most likely lose my home as well. my children are going to be devastated when I tell them as our lives will change irreparably. I feel angry that this happened as it will impede our ability to move on as a family and is horribly destructive, removing my independence and self esteem.
I have no family support and few friends in the area. This is another reason why I have struggled to get free of my ex, he could be cotrolling and manipulative and would goad me into arguments and fights, then record them and threaten to send them to SS. He sees himself as the victim and has actually told the police that I was abusing him. he will still tell anyone who listens that I was the abuser.
CS are mostly concerned as there is a record of incidents going back several years. CS have been called before but always came out, did a check up, spoke to me advised me of safety and went away again. It was never progressed to core assessment or anything further. I didnt leave due to lack of support and worries that ex would abandon us (he often threatened to do this)
We split up in 2017 and he moved out, I received help from Womens Services and was doing well, but after an emotionally difficult few months (elderly mother close to death and other personal issues) I was weak and took my ex back, The arguments and fights started up fairly soon and he went to the police claiming that I was abusing HIM which prompted the current involvement.
My sons school have said that there are no concerns about him at all. (he is in secondary school). My daughters school however are concerned about her being withdrawn and anxious and lacking confidence, she has been referred for Thrive and Elsa support at school.
I will be doing the Freedom Programme and You Me Mum (programme designed to look at the effects of DA on children). Although I am losing my job my employer has kindly agreed to fund 6 sessions of counselling to help me and I am awaiting assessment through my GP. I have also been referred to Womens Services and a Financial assistance programme to help with budgetting as I struggled to get free of my ex financially.
The Social Worker is very guarded around me and this makes me uneasy, she seems currently trying to find additional concerns, for example she has repeatedly asked why my children dont play in the street, and have many friends in the local community (they go to school in a different area and I have never really felt able to fit in in the community where we currently live, these are the reasons)
She is concerned that they do a "lot" of after school activities and whether they get time off etc (I'm guessing this could be seen as controlling on my part) although the IRO and my sons school both praised the opportunities I provide for my children. I suppose it was a coping mechanism of a sort, wanting them to have as perfect a childhood as I could manage, and I went so badly wrong.
I previously did a professional job so I'm not sure how to cope with living on benefits., but finding another job will be impossible at the moment, if I even had the confidence to do it.
Dad sees children on weekends, he is still a little controlling (prefers to have the children one at a time which limits my free time hence reducing risk of me dating anyone else etc) and he has not attended any meetings or agreed to attend any programmes The children are very fond of their dad and for their sake I am reluctant to confine them to seeing him in a contact centre (there are few locally anyway) and there are no family/friends to help. The SW has said that she thinks a contact centre would be "a step backward" as things seem to be calmer now. He is surprisingly a very good dad with them and they look forward to their days out on weekends, so for their sake I would be reluctant to take this away from them.
I have a parent advocate from NYAS and the children both have a children's advocate who they are happy to engage with. They do NOT like the social worker and my daughter admits to be "scared" of her. neither child will open up and discuss feelings with her I've done some little things such as buying them each a "Happy Self" journal to record their top three things every day, feelings etc, reaching out to other parents for playdates and making time for family board games. I am very anxious, depressed and feeling utterly desolate and as if I have totally failed them.
My biggest fear is this escalating further and losing them as they are my world, They are 12 and 8 (will be 13 and 9 within a few months) so they would find it horrifically difficult to be removed and I would worry for my daughter's wellbeing as she is very clingy with me. I find it very hard to cope, and break down a lot, I apparently present as anxious and emotionally unavailable to my children (which is not the case as I love them dearly but the SW only reports what she sees).
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LMBSE1971
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:56 pm
Re: What if youre out for an unannounced visit
Also I have not had a copy of the support plan (despite the conference being over a month ago) my advocate was told that this was because there is currently a backlog with the admin department or something of the sort, so I am worried about failing to fulfill any aspect of it
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Loopylou1972
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Wed May 22, 2024 8:15 pm
Re: unannounced visit
Hi I’m just starting this process and I’m worried about the unannounced visits too and not being in. I’m just wondering how your doing now and if you ever got your issues resolved with SS
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