Domestic Violence and social services incvolved - please hel

[cara]

At Christmas my new partner went out on a drinking binge and took a class A drug, he came home a different person like he was possessed,someone I had never seen before. (He had never taken drugs for years and never hurt me before).

Basically he assaulted me, by trying to strangle me, threatened with a knife, attempted rape, damaged some property and my children saw him break a door down drag me from under it and hit me. I called the police and he is on bail for assault/possibly rape charge, cps haven't decided yet.

Social services have got involved and have done an assessment to make sure I can protect my children and there is no threat to them. He is currently living at his parents and my children are not his biological children. Social services have so far said that 'if' I had him back they would put in a care order and assess my ability to keep them safe, if I did not adhere to their care plan they would take legal action. I am assuming to take the children into care.

Please do not judge, I would never put my children at risk, he has never done this before, the violence was fulled by drugs and alcohol and he agrees he has a major problem and he wants the help. He will probably get a prison sentence, but I have agreed to support him and he has agreed to alcoholism therapy and a domestic violence course (idap) and is currently attending a drug course, all tests have all come back negative.

I would like to hear from anyone who has been in my situation, taking back a partner when domestic violence concerned and what exactly will the care order involve, what do I have to adhere to ?
Can I still have a relationship with him, but he not live under the roof?

Can he ever really move back without ss taking the children?
Can you work with social services if they can see you will do anything to protect the children with him living there?
Or is is black and white - I take him back lose the children?

Thanks

[mimzy1991]

Not from personal experience but outsider knowledge unfourtanetly yes at the minute it would be best to halt the relationship. They will probably offer support and assessments for you to take and maybe once that is complete they would let you, but it depends how serious they take it. Now they are involved be careful, they can turn up unannounced to check he is not there. You could offer to do a written agreement saying you will not allow him contact with your children while they do their assessments. If you were to take him back against their advice they would see it as you putting your needs before the children, and putting them at risk. Im in a similar boat but its my Mums recent ex partner who is a sex offender. Best to work with them and co- operate, and maybe seek legal advice my SW reccomended I cut any contact with my Mums ex, then said she couldnt force me but it would be best so I dont think you would have to cut him off completly but in regards to the children they will se it as essential. And be prepared if he gets found guilty for the attempted/ rape (cant remember what you said- sorry ) then they will almost deffinatley want to be involved. If they feel you can protect them, which sounds good as you reported the attack and made him move out, they will probably offer you support and courses they feel will raise your awareness.

[mimzy1991]

Did they do an initial assessment or a core assessment? And are they taking it to child protection that your aware of?

[cara]

A lady came round from social services and said she was doing an initial assessment and she would be in charge of the case for 7 days and then they would make a decision to pass the case onto a long term social worker or close the case. I have not heard from them since 4th Jan so not sure if this is good or bad.

I asked if she had any concerns and she said no, but wanted to make sure I recognised signs of someone being an abuser in future and not to introduce children so early, but because of the severity of the case it would probably be passed to a long term social worker.

[mimzy1991]

Hard to judge I waited weeks, have they sent you the report? It will have on there further/ no further assesment. If it was a one off and they seem happy they might just close the case, but they will keep hold of the info so get a copy for yourself and keep hold of it.

[cara]

No I have heard nothing or received anything since.

Thanks for your help.

[Murray72]

If your partner is charged CS will probably continue to be involved, they will attend hearings etc or send a rep to check if your supporting him, for example his solicitor may ask you to supply statements to court stating this is out of character and a one off event. This evidence would be used against you if care proceedings go ahead. If your partners not charged or gets not guilty CS will go for a 'finding of fact' hearing basically this is a court hearing for Judge to ascertain the probability of your partner been guilty of all charges. It's based on probability so burden of proof has to be only 51% not beyond reasonable doubt like a criminal court. If findings are made against your partner for violence, rape or domestic abuse then the Judge can make orders keeping him out of family home.

If CS deem him a risk they will secure a court order keeping him away from your kids one way or another. Care Proceedings are the most destructive and difficult process any parent can go through, every aspect of your parenting is questioned despite how good your parent skills are. Your whole life is put under a microscope so if you have so much as a caution on your record it will be dragged up and placed in court arena. You can find friends,neighbours and family members been called as witness for CS. Everybody is crossed examined by all parties which includes you, your partner, children services, children's guardian.

I would work with them to avoid legal action at all costs even at the sacrifice of your relationship as its almost impossible to get children returned from foster care.

[linc111]

Hi can you possible let me know how you have got on since and what ss done as im in a similar position and im really scared plz

[ange301126]

TO LINC111,

If you are involved with Children's Services and are extremely scared for your child/children, the FRG is here to support you.

I suggest you start your own thread right now and tell about your problem which appears to be an abusive partner.Give as much detail as you can and say what stage CS enquiries have reached so far.