My partner is on the sex offenders register... advice needed please!

[Cakebytheocean]

Hi,

So, my partner is on the SOR he’s on it for 10 years and has 5 years remaining, I’ve been at with my partner over 11 years. The reason why he’s on the register is because when he was 18 he had a sexual relationship with a girl who was 14, I was aware of this when I entered into a relationship with him and he’d always regretted it. They were in a relationship for around a year together before they broke up. Anyway we lived our life and then she got back in contact with him wanting to get back together (she must’ve been in her early 20s at this point) but he declined as he was with me. She then accused him of a historic case of rape, which went to court, he was found not guilty (A lot of her lies unravelled in the courtroom) but he pleaded guilty to two counts of sex with under 16. He was sentenced to 18 months. Anyway several years later we’re still together but in our early 30s, we really want to have a baby however we are hesitant because we are not sure what the procedure is going to be. We understand that social services will be involved and there will be assessments and meetings however what I want to know is will my partner be allowed to live under the same roof as our child? I mean he is categorically not a paedophile, they seized his computer hard drives and phone and there was absolutely nothing sinister in there to indicate, he just made a stupid mistake by falling for the wrong girl when he was younger. When he came out from prison he met with a social worker due to him having young nephew and he asked the social worker would we be able to have children together and she said because he is low risk we have nothing to worry about. We had a routine visit from plain clothed police recently and they said they would need to know straightaway if I was to become pregnant. I just don’t want to fall pregnant then suddenly find myself having the raise the baby alone with my partner living elsewhere not being able to be here all the time and not having the idyllic family life we dream of.

Sorry it’s long i just wanted to make sure the background is understood, I also don’t want you to think I am making excuses for him, but I do believe he made a stupid mistake and he is paying the price.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cakebytheocean

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry that I have not been able to respond to your query sooner.

You are not a parent at the moment but would like to be. As your partner is a registered sex offender with a conviction for sexual offences against a child for which he has served a custodial sentence, you are rightly thinking ahead about the implications for you, your partner and any future child should you become pregnant. I can see that this is something you are taking very seriously and that you are both wanting to make an informed decision which is responsible of you both.

You should expect children’s services to want to conduct a pre-birth assessment because of your partner’s history and as he is subject to sex offender notification restrictions. The police officer who visited recently was right to advise you both to notify the authorities if you were pregnant. Has your partner had a discussion with probation re the implications of becoming a father in the future and queried any services or programmes that he may benefit from? It is always best to be transparent and open and willing to engage with services.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to predict the outcome of an assessment as it will always be based on the individual risks and circumstances of the family involved, as well as the specific conditions your partner is under. Therefore, it is not possible to give you a definitive answer about what the outcome of the assessment will be, what children’s services’ risk assessment will conclude. There could be a spectrum of different plans or decisions made depending on the situation. I know that a social worker did comment that ‘you have nothing to worry about’ but their comment is not something you can rely upon as they have not thoroughly assessed your situation.

The assessment will look at a number of factors including the past history and current situation. Your partner is currently seen as a risk to children due to his conviction and registration. Children’s services’ role will be to assess any risk to your own child if you and your partner become parents. As well as considering any risks potentially posted by your partner the social worker will also want to assess your understanding of child sexual abuse including grooming and your awareness of risk and how to protect your child. I know you don't want to make excuses for your partner but please be aware that a child was the victim in this situation and that a social worker may be concerned if they think that a victim is being blamed. Children’s services will liaise with other professionals and agencies too including police and probation and will take account of their input. However, it is important to remember that children’s services are the lead agency when it comes to protecting children.

Here is some information on assessments and children’s services processes that you may find helpful.

An introduction to children’s services
Family support (child in need)
Child protection procedures

I think it would be a good idea for you both to have a look at the Stop it Now website and talk to one of their advisers on their confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 as they may be able to offer you further information and help as well signpost you to any further relevant advice or resources. The NSPCC website is also a good resource.

I hope this has helped a little.

If children's services do become involved in the future you are welcome to post back and/or speak to an advsier on our freephone helpline 0808 801 0366 - it is open from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri.

With best wishes

Suzie