Ex partner and baby’s dad not allowed at birth?

[EDY92]

A few months back my now ex partner was arrested for IIOC.

The investigation is still on going, he hasn’t been charged yet and social services put my children on a children in need plan, now they’re off that as were no longer a couple, kids only having supervised contact with a family member.

I’m due to give birth in a few months and because of coronavirus you’re only allowed one birthing partner. I am a very high risk pregnancy / labour due to previous collocations and my mum is having the children because it looks likely I will be induced (which can typically take days)

Social services are saying baby’s dad can only be there if it’s supervised which they know is not able to be done (only allowed one birthing partner , but my mum is looking after the children anyways) so I will be giving birth alone which terrifies me because I had such a traumatic birth the last time and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks afterwards.

Can the hospital staff not supervise him? Or why am I not allowed to? I don’t understand this. Soon as the baby is born, the midwives stay with you for awhile anyways and then he’d go soon as I was left?!

Can they legally stop him being at the birth? It wouldn’t be such a problem if I was allowed two birthing partners, but I’ve been told this won’t be changing anytime soon.

So I will be giving birth alone

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear EDY92

Thank you for further post and apologies for the late response to your post.

I see that you have concerns about having to got through labour without any support as your mother will be caring for your children and children’s services are not happy for your child’s father to be present at the birth.

This must be very upsetting for you as you have had difficulties labours in the past. Is there really no one else that can look after the children? Is the paternal grandmother unable to have the children and so allow your mother to be at hospital with you? The social worker has, you say, indicated that your baby’s father can be at the birth provided he can be supervised. Perhaps you can discuss with the hospital how this can happen bearing in mind that you are unlikely to be alone with the expectant father. There might be some concern from children’s services about your wish to have him at the birth if you are no longer a couple or is this something you have not yet decided.

Do you not have a friend who could be with you at the hospital if your mother cannot be there? Or who could look after the children whilst your mum is at the hospital with you.

Looking back at your previous posts it seems that you have been following the plan that children's services put in place for your ex-partner to have contact with the children, insisting on him being with you now at the hospital could be a concern about how separated you actually are from your ex partner.

Children’s services cannot legally stop him from being at the hospital but if you decide to go against their recommendations that there is no contact with your ex partner, then this could be seen as you not working with children’s services and they may have concerns about your ability to keep your children safe. The hospital could, I suppose, ask him to leave the hospital premises and involve the police if necessary.

It would be sad for you to have no one with you during labour but no doubt the staff will be supportive since these are not normal times for the hospital because of covid-19 in respect of the number of people who can be there.

I suggest you discuss this further with the social worker and the hospital to see if something can be arrangement.

You might find it helpful to look again at the links in an earlier response post.

If you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone the advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope this helps

Best wishes

Suzie